I wanted to shout Hell Yeah :)

Great post. In both the worlds of Creativity and Coaching I've always worked from the belief that you must go at least three levels in before you get to something worth working with. The first response is the habitual response, the unconscious and practiced thing you always say. The second and third tiers may be a bit deeper but still come from a place of a "safe" response. It's not until the third or fourth level down that most people are challenged to come up with new and creative thinking -- or as you put it, the "interesting" response.

Thus the most powerful question in coaching is AWE: "And What Else?" asked multiple times until we get to the juicy stuff!
Ah. Nice. I like that idea of the 2nd and 3rd response still being safe. Good one. Thank you. — Derek

Hmm...good Question.

My experience, too. My initial responses almost always are conventional, so automatic they amount to reflexes more than to thoughts. It's the second answer, and often the slight detour from it, that gives me any chance of sounding worth a damn.

I write my interview answers in advance, too. And delete and add: Slash the fat, add the oregano.

I know I've said something when I find Ive said something I've never said before, or connected two things that had been living apart all their lives.

As always, you are a treat for me to read.

Harry
Reflex! Great word. Great point. Thanks Harry! (For those readers here, Harry is one of my favorite authors. Go read at least one of his many books.) — Derek

As much as I agree on behalf of slow processing people like me, I think there is value in being able to respond quickly. It may be an indicator that you have done a lot of thinking and processing beforehand and are conversant with the facts. In some cases, by deferring and waiting, you lose the opportunity to influence the people around you who will not be there tomorrow. Imagine arguing with a climate change denier. If you say "I don't know" you may be passively giving credence to a poor argument on the other side. So I believe there's room for both kinds of responses.

Hi Derek,
I know what you mean. I have been like that for a long time but within the past years my thinking has speeded up somewhat, but I still do that. I think there is sometimes a speech mind barrier that affects some people and not others. Some people just blurt out right away what is on their mind and don't think about it. I am able to think out some things quickly as I said and also bring up the old thing where I'm thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about. I don't know what the exact mechanics are but it definitely is not stupid to think about something for a while or even a long time.

Let me think about what you said.

I need to write on my hand, "We'll see." To remind me to wait. And not to worry what other people think about me.

Pamela

my brother-in-law has responded to questions of this nature with "hard to say" since he was 16-17---some folks just let that stand; others who press him deeper will get a thoughtful response---seems to be his "place saver" that allows for considered musing

it has, of course, become a family standard to say, "In the words of......., 'hard to say' " in response to the simplest of questions---what time are you dropping by? do you want fries with that? did you see today's paper?
☺ !! — Derek

This made me feel so good to read this! I think you are so articulate and assume it all just comes to you in the moment. Nice to hear that you plan and need time to think, too. I agree that our first reaction often isn't the most insightful. I also agree we shouldn't feel pressure to rush when it comes to important things.

Mmmmmm, I'll need to ponder this and practice the slow response technique prior to responding properly. However, initial honest response would be I probaby do jump in sometimes with some frothy vainglorious response (I discovered that word this week) . Anyway, let me take my morning ritalin otherwise I'll probably be even more impulsive. Thanks for the insight ... I shall experiment.

Great post - surely does ring a bell.

Personally, I find that my written responses per mail are a lot better than oral responses. Most likely because I control the timing of the response and the time I can take to respond. But also because I can draft my replies and then edit before sending them: rewording paragraphs, removing superfluous words, checking spelling, adding additional thoughts, making sure I address all points made or questions answered.
Exactly! It's more respectful : not cluttering people's ears and minds. Editing first. — Derek

Not sure I entirely buy this Derek - and I generally am a huge fan and consider most of your advice totally useful. Yeah, sure, some deep questions you sleep over for a while. Others you mull over and brew your answers for a minute or two. And sometimes, you just answer - and your first answer is not your last as long as you are willing to admit that you are "thinking aloud". I like this part of your article alt though - "Someone asks you a question. You don’t need to answer. You can say, “I don’t know,” and take your time to answer after thinking."

This piece makes me think of a coaching stategy
I learned for managing reaction ...

Create space. Observe and choose response vs auto reaction

No response
Light response
Full engagement

No need to react. It's what ego wants but choosing space is better
24 hours to not al all

We are locked and loaded with canned responses to a wide variety of questions and situations. It's extremely hard to apply original and deliberate thought to a question on someone else's time line agenda. It's wicked hard to be less reactionary. I've been trying to do that lately. Totally enjoyed the reading a reminder.
“canned” ← good word! thank you. — Derek

We'll see.

Great post. I don't trust people who don't ever say "I don't know"
☺ — Derek

I was just asked to do an interview and I was so relieved when it came via email, for me to complete at my own pace. I spent about a week working on it. Each time I thought I was done with an answer, I was wrong. As I watched my responses evolve I thought to myself, a little panicked - what if I'd rushed through and sent it back after my first draft? I think some of us are just wired to save the best for last. It's the process of slowly coaxing the silence from between the notes that delivers our best performance. We won't know it until we get there.
For interview requests, you can almost always insist on doing it by email, unless it's a podcast. You save them a lot of time and effort to not have to transcribe the audio recording of the interview. I've found that usually when people request a phone interview for a written piece, they're just doing that to be considerate of you, since most people prefer the quick call over the slow email. — Derek

Love this. I used to pride myself on what I called fast thinking, praised by people who would then criticise flaws in half-baked ideas who should have used their increased experience to come to your conclusions, shepherd me in the right direction that being right is often not being "right now".

When I was lucky enough to become a mentor I always taught people the full-range. "I don't know right now, if you know could you tell me, otherwise I'll find out for you". Luckily the world is very interesting so there are always interesting things I don't know to find out.

It's a very powerful set of thinking. You might not pass the test today, but a good mentor should try to help you, not trick you. If someone is trying to trick you, you can turn it on it's head, and you might just realize if they won't or can't help you the value of the answer. Either way, you prepare yourself and offer yourself to find the answer!

Excellent. I am the same way, but I am always a bit hard on myself, because I can't come up with something right away. This was a great prescription for me.

It is not necessarily slowness but a sign of intelligence. Even the simplest questions have many points of view and interpretations. Someone who is careful with their thoughts and is capable of thinking deeply cannot manufacture an answer that is satisfying to their intellect in a short period of time. Bravo for recognizing it. I am reminded of the French phrase l'esprit d'escalier which describes the predicament of thinking of a reply too late. Thanks, Jess Wayne

I think the first reactions do work in some cases. I am not sure when it is appropriate to depend on first reaction vs deliberately thought out reaction. But I agree - in many cases what you say makes total sense,

Thanks for your thought provoking articles!

I'm not going to reply right away ..... My responses are always better the next moning

I am like that! And yes, the downside is (sometimes) having a quick, accurate, intelligent response can prevent the situation from going a way you don't want it to. My wife and I have always had minor ongoing issues with our local school and how they cater for our gifted (eldest boy) and anxious (middle boy) kids. We now put everything in writing (email) not to be formal but for the reasons above.

By writing it down, it forces us to make sense of our thoughts/feelings/opinions on paper. And when they make sense on paper 3 things happen:

1. They are harder to disagree with and make a solid case for our opinion.
2. We tend to get a much better/quicker outcome.
3. It forces your heart to engage your brain to then engage your hands to write it - and the slowing down of that process helps crystalise the truth of the situation.
Great point : “forces your heart to engage your brain”! — Derek

A very good idea!

"Reflex" to answer now is so true, especially for those looked to as an authority or an expert of some sort (as I have looked to Mr. Beckwith since 1997, with Selling the Invisible.) I could use the reminder to think before I speak, thank you.

But in the comedy writing game, I learned from a master that you need to figure out where your strength is. Are you a "first 5 ideas off the top of your head are best" kind? Or are you a "warms up on 10 weak ideas and ends with 5 killer ideas" kind?

Different situations require different response times, but when you have a choice in real life -- I agree that slow thought can serve everyone better. Thanks for calling attention to it.
Great point about different types. Sammy Cahn, legendary songwriter, wrote everything off the cuff. Never a rewrite or deliberation. All his lyrics were composed in a manual typewriter. One pass of paper through it. No edits. And improv comedy/theater is all about the immediate reaction, of course! Thanks for this reminder. — Derek

We'll see

Next time I want to describe myself to anyone, I will link to this article. Although I have come to realize this type of deep deliberation may be very annoying to others with different personality types who do not have the patience to wait for your response, I have never regretted the final decisions I have reached after visualizing different scenarios for a problem. I am more than comfortable with people saying I "Overthink" things or I seem to "Stress too much" about a problem on the outside, while I am actually very comfortably viewing the issue from all different angles inside my head.

Derek - finally someone else said it. Happens to me all the time - I wouldn't be a great debater either (and I'm not too worried about it). I admire folks that can do it, but yes I'm a slow thinker too. Thanks for another great post. It would solve a lot of problems if we all thought more before we answered.
Cheers
MVO

I'll have to get back to you in a week. But seriously, I am also a slow thinker. But I get too easily caught up in faster people's thinking and then lose my own. I think deeply and that takes time. Most people don't want to take the time to hear my thoughts, or think deep thoughts on their own. I just try and live my life at my own pace; and let other people's impatience with me, be their problem and not mine.

Totally agree. There's no substitute for reflection and allowing the process of life to inform answers, decisions, even a sense of general life direction. Patience is truly a virtue. ;-)
Blessings, Derek. Truth, brother.

Weird and cool that you should write this, Derek, because just earlier today, the old phrase 'haste makes waste' popped into my mind in relation to a simple task I was doing that would have been wasteful if I wasn't careful in the moment of doing it.
And also, I think I can relate to your reaction time, as often my wife laughs at the way I'll laugh moments later after something funny on tv, as if it's got a longer path through to my mind for me to react ☺

I like it. This could also be framed as a Daniel Kahneman System-1/System-2 thing.
I think for emotional questions, the system 1 response may be more honest, but for most interesting questions the emotional response is likely irrelevant or worse.
Yes! “Thinking, Fast and Slow”. I forgot to link to it in the article. Thank you. — Derek

I actually have a lot to say on this topic but let me ask you 2 questions so that I may understand your situation a bit more clearly before I brain vomit all over your website.

1) Are there situations where you are able to think "faster" or find it easier to distil your thoughts? Such as being comfortable with a close friend or maybe a family member?

2) Do you find that this "slow thinking" is unique to being interviewed? Or do you feel like it effects your programming as well? If so, does it seem to disappear when you are in a flow state?

Feel free to answer or just ponder....slowly. :)
For me it applies to almost everything. My fast response is not always horrible, but my later response, after a few more hours or days of thought, is always better. — Derek

Derek, I often say "I don't know" but alas it's not a temporizing strategy, lol. (But I do try to say "but I'll go find out" [and then do it]

Anyway... Sometime the canned answers ARE the best ones :) There's a reason they're canned.

I seem to be good at answering quickly - I connect the dots differently & often that lets me come up with a different answer than others & still quickly. But.. BUT...
I have found that before I blurt it out I need to ask myself if now is the time.And what could more time do?
Is time of the essence -you don't want to take a day to figure the best fire exit, eh?
But if there's a good chance that more reflection - more info - could improve it, don't hit 'send' on your jaw muscles :)
I'm getting better at this but I really need help is not blurting out the right answer when a kinder response is needed. (Or maybe "Norris needs to STFU"?) Diplomacy can be life-saving. :)

The characters in my novels are always so much more clever than I am in person.

Nabokov answered journalists' questions on index cards.

I agree. And in this world of rapid response, we'd all be a lot better off if we put off answering those phone calls and emails and posts until we have time to think about it, or at least until we are finished doing more important things.

Perhaps people find me more frustrating than I realize, but I do this often. I also decide I was wrong and issue retractions at times, and "I don't know" or some variant is in frequent usage. I like being wrong, I like finding out things I didn't know, I like solving puzzles however long they take - I'm here for the neurons.

Come to think of it, I should have put off responding to this until I've finished my "work."

Um interesting ;)
I am still thinking of the full comments :D

This is perhaps the reason why political discourse is such a destructive mess. The press wants immediate answers to craft headlines, and it's taken as axiomatic that a politician should know the answer before a question is even asked. Of course, most rethinking by politicians is probably done in committee. But even if a genuine statesman/stateswoman were to reconsider an answer and revise it from a position of genuine conviction, political enemies and the complicit press would immediately attack that person for being weak, indecisive and unstable. Derek, you may have identified the essential flaw in the political process that perpetuates bad decision-making and opposes cooperative problem-solving.
Agreed! Thanks for bringing up this example. I already miss Obama in advance. — Derek

Excellent post!

I tend to fall in the speak first, then think about it later category. After reading Daniel Kahneman's book Thinking, Fast and Slow I learned it's in our nature as humans to snap to quick judgements. Kahneman's "System One" works on averages and prototypes..."System Two" focuses on individual scenarios.

Though the latter leads to more effective decisions it requires more pause and likely more brainpower as you've pointed out.

A helpful reminder to think slow every once in a while...thanks for writing!

At this very moment I decided to read your article & ponder on a situation with a club date that is making me crazy. Perfect timing ! I'm going to ponder a little more on it. Thank you

At this very moment I decided to read your article & ponder on a situation with a club date that is making me crazy. Perfect timing ! I'm going to ponder a little more on it. Thank you

Good point....

Great article! Thx for sending...I needed that!

Well said - more words count less. It is fun to not use any words and watch the one sided conversation come to the same conclusion as if we were all yapping. Did you ever hear Marilyn on Northern Exposure? Maybe ...... Always good to hear from you Derek

Good point. I know it very well. What we call spontanious is often an automatic, programmed reaction. Often when I said "no" to my daughter, I could see no point after a second thought. Sometimes when I make an important, maybe exited mail, I send it to myself to read and adjust and I think I find a better way to express what I mean.

Love it. I'm reminded of something I've been thinking about this week, I can be child-like, but I don't have to be gullible and that taking my time with my responses is key in being the former instead of the latter. My favorite part about your observation is that, when you take your time, you don't fall for how things have been framed by the other party. You can decide.
I like how the English word “responsible” is like “response-able” : able to choose your response. — Derek

Hi Derek,

I agree with all you say and love the tone of all your posts keep up the good work and keep sharing with the world - on that note when can we do an interview can I send you the questions and we it via email would that me ok?
Thanks! No more interviews this year, but maybe next year. Email me. — Derek

A deep article. Really.

Have you seen the film 'Inception'.
Yup, a bit like this...

My first response was to copy your
paragraph 6, and just say brilliant.

My next response was to skim read all
the other responders to make sure I was
on the right track with my thought.

My third response was to write this
comment in this way.

My forth response is a bit too early but
here it is:

...all responses are different. None are right
and non are wrong. They just add a trigger
yo the story for someone else.

I'm posting this now...tomorrow my response
would be different.

Hi!

There's a lot to be said for letting your subconscious chew on a problem. When my kids were younger, I'd tell them to go do something else if they were frustrated with something. I told them that the answer would find them.

Fortunately, I got lucky and it worked really well for them . . . and me.

Love the idea of first response being outdated. If only more people realized that....
Hey just got involved in Dr. Jean Houston community with scholarship....am SOOOOOOO jazzed!
And airplay in Berlin!!!
Glad we connected recently!

I have trouble answering quickly. Even if I do, a day or two later, I would expand on the idea, or completely replace it.

if you want to read the article by Kahneman and Tversky that they won the nobel prize for explaining these biases involved with thinking quick.
http://psiexp.ss.uci.edu/research/teaching/Tversky_Kahneman_1974.pdf

The norm of This World is Time, and Time means money. But the real World has more to do with our awakening. The awakening will never let stressed up with time or money from a material illusion world. Let it go and keep your own tempo.

Wow, what a refreshing read this afternoon.
Just what I needed today. I particularly liked the statement about one's first response being perhaps outdated or a knee-jerk reaction. Valuable to remember. Thanks a lot Derek!

Derek, this philosophy rings true to me and makes great sense!!

Peace,

Jerre in TN

"I edit because I care." It works for me for emails. Why don't I use it more in conversation?

And once I ask that question, I realize why not: because I am ever fearful that I'll lose the thread.

I wonder: is that a well-founded fear? Or is it perhaps an indicator that I live with too much noise/distraction?
☺ — Derek

In a world full of people who believe it is appropriate to communicate (if you can call it that) in 140 characters or less, where comments are designed to evoke reaction rather than reflection, where polarization inhibits discussion, the concept of taking time to think before providing a meaningful response is radical.

You're outta control, Derek. And that's a good thing.

When given the chance
Of course choose reflection
Most of the time
Time raises objection
All I can say, all that I know
I prefer to think fast
But talk really slow !

Ari Dane

Hi Derek

Thank you for your inspirational article - how honest - I love it x

Avril

Love this. I've always been a slow thinker. For a long time I resented this and strived to be a fast thinker. After all there are a lot of positive characteristics associated with being "quick": decisive, confident, assertive, knowledgible, etc. The truth is though, thinking slowly allows me to think deeper which usually results in better decisions, better ideas, and better communication.

Love this! So true. I do the same. Also with personal questions,
in the moment sometimes, I'll take long pauses to really check in
with myself , to make sure I am giving the most authentic answer.
As what was true for me yesterday may not necessarily be true today! ;-)

Ok so I semi practice this. Sometimes I do let the monkey mind kick in and for the love of the debate I'll say things! Thing with me is the debate will stay in my mind and days later I will admit I was wrong on a point after researching!

It's been my experience that far too many people (to suit me of course) but certainly not all, use "I don't know" as a response to avoid stating anything at all about something...for various reasons. I certainly have judgments about it when "I don't know" is used this way. I think it's highly counter-productive and does a disservice to furthering dialogue and exploration that could potentially hold answers or otherwise positive solutions.

God Thanks I'm not alone!
Customers usually expect an immediate answer, but I'm not wired this way. Either it turns them out, or they're curious to know what I come up with. When it's made to measure (I build double basses), there is a real need to think deep on both parts.
I cannot always say Hell Yeah ☺
I guess I'm not going to bow to this "ever-faster-paced-world" values anytime.

I'm so glad to know that there is someone else out there like me in this regard. I'm a hesitant responder, because it has always taken time for things to sink in for me. And I also feel as you mentioned, a little stupid, because I didn't have some immediate, glorious and deep answer. I'm finding as I get older though, especially now in my 50's, that I'm more OK with my slow thinking. It's just the way I was built.

Derek,

As usual, you have totally NAILED it! I too, find that my best, truly authentic and complete response is when I've had a chance to think, to perhaps even write it vs just on the fly.

Oh, how timely too, when considering what is happening in my home country's political scene. If you think of the great leaders in the world, past and present, it's those who hit the reflective 'pause button' who have the greatest and most influential legacies!

Thank you Derek for this very compelling reminder!

You captured me perfectly.

That's good advice. Yesterday I was asked a lot of questions on a telephone interview which was recorded for a popular blog. It would have been nice to have the questions in advance. Answering questions which require a lot of thought on the spot is not easy for me either.

I used to drive my kids crazy like that...HA!

Hello. You probably don't remember me, but over 19 years ago you and I had a conversation about setting up websites for musicians. I contacted someone at cdbabyto sell my new CD. Later, you and I talked about a small business I was starting up. The website idea. I see that you have done well offering the service. I was to busy as I was a founder of the bank MBNA N.A.(Now bank of America). Just wanted to let you know that I remember our personal encounter and am so happy for your success. You done good. Sincerely, Ray. Toodles!
☺ Thanks Ray! Wow. — Derek

About 8 years ago my husband was interviewed by The New York Post. He was joking in one of his responses to a question but they printed it as truth making him look bad. He felt he had to answer their question. From then on I told him whenever he gets an interview request (which he gets often) especially when one of his projects went viral, ask them to send the questions in advance. He does and they do and it works beautifully.

That's an interesting input. I like that. It makes sense.

I might add that first reactions don't necessarily mean outdated response, but rather an emotional response. Your first reaction might tell a lot about you to the other person and, in that sense, I agree it kind of refers to the past, because usually emotional reactions are a matrix of past experiences. However, that's a valuable and relevant input as well. But as human beings, our responses (output) are not all about emotions, but a mix of emotions, reasoning, memories, intuition and consciousness (this one normally shows up later the all the rest and it's all related to reasoning). Some of those has bigger delays than others...so it makes a lot of sense to take some time to give someone a reasonable and thoughtful answer.

Oh my gosh! YES! I can so relate to this. Thank you for speaking it.

Yes, thoughtful responses are less reactionary, less apt to cause more problems in the long run. Good one Derek--you got me thinking and that says a lot:

When good thoughts and answers come, they often, though not always, depend on distillation, even preparation. They might even depend on many years of experience with thinking. As a former teacher of undergrads for a few decades, this I know. Nonetheless, and for myself as I grow, I want my thinking overall to come from a really deep place within me, and that's Zen thing. So naturally, my current favorite thinker, is Eckhart Tolle. Here's one of his interviews done in two parts, the first being recorded on the actual day of 911, almost 15 full years ago. In it, as is his style, he pauses many times to distill his thoughts as they come from his own inner world, his own deepest reflections in the moment of delivery.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfQvoiYAL1g

Hey Derek,
processing information deeply is one of the aspects of Highly Sensitive People. Maybe you have this innate trait? See the work done by Elaine Aron, http://hsperson.com/faq/evidence-for-does/

Good point, here's a question for you.

Im building a music application to enrich the lives of Alzheimer suffers, would you like to get involved or can you help me in anyway?

PS Thanks for sharing Derek, always an interesting read regardless.

"I dont know now" is most of the time best the answer you can give.

"Let me think about" is the key to see your oponent want only your fast agree or your true meaning.

End of posting for english readers.

[EOD - This is german for derek sivers as well]
(Den Teil mach ich in deutsch weil ich ihn nicht gut übersetzen kann)

Star Trek hat das im Jahr 1987 schon mal anders auf den Punkt gebracht.

Cpt. Picard: Mr. Data Statusreport!
Mr. Data: Nicht möglich
Cpt. Picard: Was ??? Mr. Data STATUSREPORT!!!
Mr. Data: Die Wissenschaft kennt hier einen Zustand der von ausserordentlicher geistiger Reifheit zeugt und der in sich logisch schlüssig ist. Die Antwort lautet "Ich weisss es nicht" - nun Cpt. ich weiss es nicht.
(Wenn Mr. Data/Brent Spiner das sagt klingt es viel lustiger und belehrender)


*Sebastian

Dude! Silence and pauses are the gateway to good relationships and a great reputation! Thanks.

So much for the Blink (The Power of Thinking Without Thinking) huh ?

Seriously though, (and IMHO) 'slow' is good for more analytical problems (involving left brain) and 'blink' is good for problems that go beyond pure analysis - Creative problems (right brained). Though, even for creative problems letting the problem soak in your mind helps with finding the solution.

Great article though!

I like it. I often need more time to think things through clearly.

Darn .... these people all responded so quickly ........

A fear of contradicting ourselves and people using it to shut our arguments and options down slows many of us.

We should not be afraid of contradiction. I have learned to accept it and embrace it, which allows me to verbalise each different generation of thought. To express emotion and logic; belief, knowledge and wisdom.

Vulnerability!

I get asked a lot of copyright questions about whether or not something is safe to use without licensing it. I tell them I need to think about it. Sometimes the first impression is right, but sometimes it isn't.

Every once in a while I get someone who insists they want my gut-level response without investigating the matter. You always need to have the courage to say "I don't know".

In the words of the immortal Meat Loaf who agrees with you:

Let me sleep on it / Baby, baby, let me sleep on it / Let me sleep on it / And I'll give you an answer in the morning…

Indeed, to your closing point: Imagine a world in which people thought before speaking.

One of things which can help if you meditate a little is be quiet and wait. This won't be anywhere close to an impulsive answer but the answers surprise you

You are a bit on the overly cautious side. IMO.
Your response to folks depends on how you see them, instead of what you think of them. This depends on what/who you think your are. Tis rumored it's up to us to decide who we are or define that, or make ourselves. Also rumored that we organize our own thinking! I have found that Depending on How I'm Seeing myself and others results in two different outcomes in conversation. One of them is happy and one is not. You 1st Experience, then, you manifest.
Sure if folks had peace as their priority in communication we'd quickly be in Star Trek society! We'd still have problems, but dang society would be much Better!
PS, Thanks for the confession! LOL

I guess you hate improv, then. Bummer. That's my main art form.
:)

Great point! I'm also like that, I always thought it was a flaw in my thinking process ☺ This makes me now more confident Thanks for sharing.

For me, it's interesting to compare a spontaneous answer with the one you give after a period of deliberation. The spontaneous answer is often the one you are emotionally attached to. The deliberate answer is the one you rationalize.

Derek, I'm not sure if I agree with your premise about the nature of our first responses. But this is a thought-provoking piece, so I'm now in the "I'll have to think about that" mode. Which may prove your point.

I do know that when a person, idea, or specific communication provokes an emotional response in me, it is almost always better for me to suppress my desire to speak. Nearly 100% of the time, in those situations it's better for me to wait and think before answering.

There are exceptions to this, of course - if I see someone about to do something cruel (like hurting a bunny or a puppy) - my first reaction is probably the right one.

Now that I've written this, I feel like maybe I should have thought it through more carefully...

I'm not alone! What a relief! This often gets mistaken as procrastination. Completely the opposite is true. Takes effort to shut my mind off. I think that this is also why writing is my preferred method of communicating.

Totally agree. It seems to me that our relation to time as narrowed a lot, and that taking the time to think or introspect is not as valued as being direct or loud mouthed.

Also, winning an argument is pointless in most cases. I feel it is best to have a deep understanding of your interlocutor ideas and then to express your thoughts about matters at hands.

In any case, thanks for sharing, Derek!

I'm a slow thinker, and the main place it is difficult is when I deal with pushy people or bullies. I may be grateful to talk with them, but oftentimes--when they state something that is wrong or mean--it takes me a while to realize that I've been bullied.

I'd like to know how to process that quicker.

As a public school teacher, I learned to answer questions fairly quickly. Questions often become "teachable moments" when students show they are ready to learn about a certain aspect of the subject by asking questions. Experience helps in knowing what to say, but students are not just vessels that need to be filled up with knowledge; after all, people can look up most anything on the internet. What is important is to show how the knowledge relates to the objective of the question. Much of this relevance depends on the motivation of the questioner and the responder. Friends usually work the same way, so do I answer quickly? Generally yes, if I can figure out the motivation for the question. If I don't know a good answer, it's easy for me to say so. If I can't figure out the motivation, then I have to them questions until I figure out what I think may be the true question.

On the other hand, my experience in private industry has generally been very much focused on the immediate objective and questions and answers generally depend on who is the boss and where is the profit. Generally, you just do what you are expected to do and questions are very limited. Thinking can slow down the operation. In both situations though, I think motivation for the question and motivation for the answer are really important, and we really should think about how we say things as well as what we say. We can show
the best motivation even in very short answers and questions.

That is so crazy. I have a similar way of responding to people and often feel like I must seem stupid in the moment. Only later to have much more to say about whatever it may be. I also never seem to show the proper amount of excitement when something exciting happens. Much later I have the total opposite reaction and have more emotion to show. Your articles are always enjoyable and make me think. Thanks!
Medavon

Namaste Derek

Happy to read your email

I am on the same page like you

I lived the life without giving my two cents and always
Deferred my answer to the later time

Namaste

Hasu Patel

Great article. That sounds very relevant. It takes time to come to come to good points after digesting a conversation.

I too am. Thanks


Joseph Manuel
First discipline.com

I'm slow too. I have to think about things for a while, mull them over, delve into wherever "there" is in the mind to find out my true beliefs are about whatever. My responses, opinions, points of view are worth waiting for, however. I have delved deep and can respond later on with a truth.

Great tree sculpture and great insight.

I had a friend once who blabbered some of the craziest responses. It wasn't until many years I learned why. Her dad taught her that you never answer with, "I don't know" - it makes you look stupid. His philosophy might have resulted from a bad experience he had earlier in life but I always liked the " I don't know - let me think about it" answer.

When I write a song. I don't usually blurt out the first thing that comes to mind and then run off to publish it. I mull over the words, think about them for a day or two, try a few revisions and eventually decide on a pretty good finished product.

I think you are right that thoughtfulness is a valuable asset.

Love it! Reading this just made me realize that I'm the same way (except for when I give an outdated, knee-jerk response lol)! :)

Its Probably right that the first answer to a question asked of you is not the right one but it could be if it concerns something you can recognise, like if you are asked to guess the singer of a new song. There are some questions though that you may do a lot of mental debating to find the answer, but later on another answer comes to mind to dispute the first. This is a dangerous road to travel in some cases because it could lead you into a quagmire of thought especially if the process causes challenges and throws doubt on something you believe and you can spend hours days months and even years trying to defend and protect what you have chosen to believe in. Then only absolute mind control can help which means you have to make a fervent attempt not to think about it.

Very wise

I don't know. We'll see. 😀

Responsive in contrast to reactive. Love the point about first thought being outdated. The word recycled comes to mind. Really happy I read this.

Reflective thinking is my mode also but not always. Sometimes conversations are so over the top from my pov that I must look like a scared dear trying to comprehend the absurdity of the moment. The words just turn into noise until I think about it later and get what someone was saying. But other times, I have quick reflex to set boundaries. Ideas come to me quickly but those can fool me in that they are not deep seated enough to work with them. I like to reflect on then. When someone else is a reflective thinking and not just waiting to have their turn, I feel very honored if they later come back to me with their thoughts. Doesn't happen much but I like it when it does. Good words are: maybe, from my point of view, and that could be true.

Great Post and definitely relate. A deep approval seeking (getting it right) thinker is how I would put it. For me certainly pre prepping goes someway. Also being self aware, staying in the moment and focussed (as in not running scenarios in the brain) helps in most situations. Thought process does differ person to person, esp relating to pecking order. Tended to choke or crawl into a hole when with CEO or someone I believe is better / higher / not equal. Noticed that with equals / peers shooting from the hip, being creative and accessing the diffussed part of the brain is alot easier. The technique of - 'i dont have to prove anything','not looking for approval', 'being present' and learning to say 'don't know' has made huge changes in how I now participate.
Thank you Derek.

It's a fresh honest thoughtful perspective and as a slow thinker I appreciate you saying it. Life moves forward and my opinion changes just as my tastes do and there's plenty I haven't though of. My children need good character development and it takes deep thoughts and prayers to consider how my own actions are impeding or advancing my children. I hope there's enough grace to fill in the gaps I create.
Thank you for allowing me to comment.

Not sure if this is a true story, but I've heard that Henry Kissinger had a system of squeezing the best work out of his assistants.

He'd ask for a status report on some issue in an area. Next morning, he'd return the draft an assistant had worked on with a comment, "Is this the best you can do?" Naturally, the anxious aide would re-work the draft, adding or editing out stuff - and submit it. Again, Kissinger would scrawl: "Can't you do any better?"

Finally, after a few back and forths (how many depended on the aide), the frustrated young man or woman would storm into the boss' office and say, "Yes, Dr.Kissinger, this is the best I can do!"

To which the Secretary would respond with: "Ok. Now I'll actually read it!"

:)
☺ — Derek

I've always been grateful to continue to hear from you and any idea's that you have. Pray that everything is going great for you and your family....

First thought, best thought

Why worry about the question? Say whatever you want? You can retract whatever you said later. The question is not a life or death situation. Most responses are coached and rehearsed.

Thanks Derek. I do the same thing. Here are some relevant Alan Watts notes I think are very eye opening on the subject:


You do not know where your decisions come from. They pop up like hiccups. And when you make a decision, people have a great deal of anxiety about making decisions.

"Did I think this over long enough? Did I take enough data into consideration?"

And if you think it through, you find you never could take enough data into consideration. The data for a decision in any given situation is infinite.

Choice is the the act of hesitation that we make before making a decision. It is a "Mental Wobbling"

Regard yourself as a cloud.  Clouds never make mistakes.  Did you ever see a cloud that was misshapen? Did you ever see a badly designed wave? No, they always do the right thing.  And if you will treat yourself for a while as a cloud or wave, you’ll realize that you can’t make a mistake whatever you do.  Because even if you do something that appears totally bizarre, it will all come out in the wash somehow or another.  Then through this capacity you will develop a kind of confidence.  And through confidence you will be able to trust your own intuition.

Cheers

Rational contemplative thought - a concept I fully support. A rare one here in the land of "I want it now" from my experience, but a character trait worthy of cultivation. Being proactive instead of reactive seems like the better option to me - but that's just my gut reaction - after being verbally kicked in the gut for over a decade answering a 1-800-this-product-is-ruining-my-life tech support line. Thoughtful questions deserve thoughtful answers. Thoughtful answers are not always instant answers.

Crisply written, it's kind of an article to which either people will agree to spontaneously or 'they'll see' and then agree :).
That is why I have always hated the job interview process, the same standard expectations of spontaneous response across the globe. That has to change a bit. People should be given more time for their answers for the interviewer to know the true insightful answer from the candidate. Current process many a times filters out candidates capable of giving better answers, provided they could get some time. Nice article. Cheers!!! Derek.

You are spot on again. Most often the initial response is outdated, often i find myself few days Later..'hmm may be that's not quite accurate' :)

I'm totally agree with you! Thank you!

It's nice to know that someone else is the same way.

All comments here a great! Most encompass my exact thoughts.
I'm going to flip it around.
When I ask a deep/important question. I will tell them that I will not accept their first answer. "I can wait", "come back to me on that one".
Let's see if it catches on, or as you say, "make it the new norm".

I can totally relate to this. I often answer, "I don't know" and sometimes ponder after the fact. On a side note, I relate to what Jim Smith replied to - when I teach guitar, I get my students to write at least 5 examples related to what they learned (like jazz lines or picking exercises or melodies/themes for compositions). The first one is usually okay but tends to be safe or predictable, the 2nd and 3rd get a bit more interesting and by the time they write the 5th example, it's starts getting more creative and out of the box. Challenging the mind to think beyond the natural instinctive responses often yields more interesting angles.

Thanks for writing this Derek!

Hope to see you again sometime in the near future - your conversation, stories, advice to me over the walk to the computer store in Singapore years ago was very helpful & inspiring for me.

You might be an introvert, at least I know I am. The slow thinking part comes with the job. "The science behind why introverts struggle to speak" is an article that you can find online about it, not sure if I can give links here. I copy/pasted a fragment below.

"When we’re speaking out loud, we introverts may have trouble with word retrieval, meaning, we struggle to find just the right word we want. We may come off sounding like we don’t know what we’re talking about, even though we do. In social situations, we may have trouble keeping up with fast-talking extroverts.

Our brains use many different areas for speaking and writing, writes Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in her book, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, and when talking out loud, information needs to flow between the separate regions. One reason why introverts struggle with speaking is that we process information deeply, which means information moves slowly between areas of our brain.

Another reason has to do with introverts relying more on long-term memory than working memory. Information stored in long-term memory is mostly outside of our conscious awareness. Like the name sounds, long-term memory contains information that is retained for long periods of time — in theory, information is saved indefinitely. Some of this information is fairly easy to access, while other memories are more difficult to recall. Contrast this with working memory (sometimes referred to as short-term or active memory), which is limited and retains information for mere seconds."

Derek , it's a very good point. My dad almost never answers a question or gives an opinion immediately . And it bothers the hell out of me as I am an impulsive guy and often regret my answer/response later. But I totally see the value in what you have posted and am going to try and be more slow and deliberate .

I think the first benefit would be logical discussions devoid of emotions that are expressed in the moment, particularly in knee-jerk situations. It would be the ideal foundation for dialogue, and I also think that allowing people to take the time to formulate their arguments, rebuttals and comments in advance, participants would be better able to call out cases of time-wasting, deliberately or as a lack of proper preparation. It would be one of those things we would hold each other to maintaining, raising the level of human interaction to the higher levels that we seem to keep telling ourselves we are moving towards, but really don't seem to want to reach.

Thank you for sharing your insights so honestly, as you always do!

Neat one Derek. In conversations you do actually say a lot of 'I don't know'. So it makes the other person wonder: 'hmm, he's quite smart however he often says I don't know'. A bit confusing but also relaxing. We're all just humans trying to get it together. Thanks for sharing.

Derek, This is called "incubating" or "diffuse thinking" and it is backed up by research as a good way to think. And you are right, it turns up the better answer. I like the way you put it, "outdated". Exactly.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with a bank manager......initially II was making a request of copies of chequers from people who had provided social care. I am disabled on benefits...and I felt bad about losing the box of receipts....

But the manager kept saying "and what else?"... Often this was through gesticulation as well as verbally...I was surprised because my account was small fry and I expected him to want a short interview. I found myself crying about my stupidity and then talking through my shame about my inability to work.

Finally I told him that I wanted to be coming there to open a business account and the iwork I passionately wanted to be doing. It gave me hope. I came away feeling like I had been given a soul experience by my bank manager!

I always thought there was something wrong with me.
Now at least I know I'm not alone!

Thanks for sharing!

Franck

Couldn't agree more Derek! Definitely makes a difference to "sleep-on" a reaction/opinion. Kinda like, "When in doubt? Lay out"! Anyway, thanks again. Hope you're having a good Summer?

Cheers!
Al

Derek , it's a very good point. My dad almost never answers a question or gives an opinion immediately . And it bothers the hell out of me as I am an impulsive guy and often regret my answer/response later. But I totally see the value in what you have posted and am going to try and be more slow and deliberate .

Derek, I don't believe you've read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell ;) Cheers !!!!
Blink and How We Decide have a good point that applies to some things, but not everything. — Derek

I too love to sleep on a thing before making a decision... and am glad to see you writing again.

It is said go to bed asking yourself a question and in the morning you will awake with the answer.

So true! I find that if my defenses are down & I'm with a trusted friend I can just give my instinctual off-the-cuff answer -- and though often these are wrong, these kind of answers can be creative or at least humorous. But the problem is I'm usually being asked questions in situations where I don't feel 100% comfortable. I'm cautious or trying to impress. So my gut reaction, that creative impulse answer, is not available. In these cases I definitely need to cover my ass less & just say "I dont know ... let me chew on that for a bit".

Ii'll probably have to come back to this after I've thought about it more ;-) but for now I will say this really resonates:
"Your first reaction is usually outdated. Either it’s an answer you came up with long ago and now use instead of thinking, or it’s triggering a knee-jerk emotional response to something that happened long ago."
Soooo true.

I chose the word deliberate as my touch stone for the year, thanks for the reminder, the last few days have carried some frustration. Letting go now...

I can relate with your post a lot... It happens to me very often that a good answer, feedback or "word war weapon" comes with a delay. (Last night I spent a 5-minute inner dialogue with a rude taxi driver because I couldn't find the right words in the moment.)

I thought this is some kind of personal retardation, but the same goes for those about whom I thought they always know the right thing to say. They say they could've given so much better answer after some thinking. Now I wonder who is on the top of the pyramid having (nearly) always the right answers in real time.

Over many years I cultivated a persona, a mask to use when socializing. I didn't even notice at first. Much of the behaviour of this mask was about being quick witted and funny. I thought I had to be that way to fit in, but it put an enormous tax on social interaction. I would find myself rehearsing when I was trying to fall asleep. People thought I was smart, but I didn't like that version of myself. After a couple of years in the workplace I started having panic attacks, and it took me so long to figure out why. I still default to this persona, which is unfortunate. An unintended consequense is a lot of people think they know me, but infact don't. It's made me feel very lonely at times in my life.

We need to cut the connection between being slow and being percieved as unintelligent. Maybe it's part of the same thinking that demands instant gratification and reaction. I suppose the solution is the same when breaking any reactive process. Namely being more mindful.

Great read (short and to the point). Even better advice!

Think twice answer once :) Thank you!

I'll need to think about this!

True.

It seems to me that this is an inherent trait of the creative type. Our way of thinking is as an artist creating a painting with just the right brushes and colors until we're satisfied with the results. Personally, I get better results writing when I take my time, sometimes waiting a day or two and looking at it again from a fresh perspective.

Very good point. I didn't think about it like that but you make a valid argument. I can say that when I am asked a question I like to give an answer on the spot so the person doesn't think that I'm not intelligent enough to know the answer. Quick responses, if "correct", can give the impression that one is quick on their feet. Or does it depend on the other person?

Thanks Derek, some useful information.
I'm gonna go and have a think about this... :)

I've been looking at your posts and your stories for years now, Derek. Always interesting, provocative, and so true. And now finally, I am commenting. I have always thought this--that we don't give ourselves
time to think things through. We're always having to respond in a second, in the moment. Our brains are fast, but not always THAT fast. Sometimes you have to process a thought and let it be absorbed and integrated and and and (here I am trying to write this fast, in the moment ☺. Anyway, I totally concur, agree, and applaud you for your insights. Please keep them coming!!!

www.phyllischapell.com

Hello Derek,
I'm no different to you at all when placed with a question. I always try initially to give something of value but, always say i'll think about it and let you know later to see if i could come up with a better explanation. It pays to be a slow thinker, and people respect you for it.

When I studied Jazz Guitar, I had a teacher once take me through an exercise on improvisation. He said, "I'm going to comp (play a chord progression) and I want you to jam... but don't play the first thing that comes into your head. Play the second."

It was wild! My first ideas came from my "library" of riffs I had played forever. But when I had to throw those away, the new stuff revealed itself and it was better!

When I go for a hike in the mountains, similar thing happens. My thoughts are bouncing around my head and amazingly, problems work themselves out in the process. The answers I come up with are more clear and more centered on my true being than if I had hit them head on in the moment.

Improvising is not a reaction in the moment, it is a thought process that considers the possibilities against in imposed constraints. That's when magic happens!

completely agree. I caught myself "reacting" the other day and said something that wasn't true (in terms of feelings). I am not sure why I said it, at the time i thought it to be true. It took a few days of deliberate thought to realize it wasn't true. This is something i am trying to work on, you don't always need to come up with an answer on the spot!

thanks for the article,
-Preston

Usually, I'm considered as a slow thinker in my team. They don't know that I can't think until and unless i care it enough to write on papers. Derek, are fast thinkers the better ones or the slow thinkers? I really want to study on this. Any suggestion?
The masterpiece on the subject is Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. — Derek

The Ents consider us all pretty hasty, eh?
Thanks for catching the Ent reference in the photo! ☺ — Derek

Excellent observation, Derek. The goal for us should be to find the healthy balance between what our gut knows and impetuousness.

Definitely can relate to being a slow thinker. This killed my grades in elementary, high school and university, especially when we needed to take notes and listen to the lecture at the same time. I began a different type of university in Canada (Saskatchewan) which is half apprentice architecture and half online classes at our own pace with the same accreditation as a student that takes these courses at a university, I've never got a mark above 70 before this program and now I am averaging 90%-95% and have received a few scholarships. So once I slowed down and really began to absorb the material it was like nothing I have ever experienced. The rough part is I was turned down from 3 universities as they only look at your last two previous years so if I had not found the program I am in now I would have had to look at other options other then architecture which is probably the same boat a lot of creative folks are in

Good point. Another factor her----Sometimes when conversing with my wife she asks as a question and I am aware that my vagabond mind is wandering into some passing vagabond thoughts and am not totally aware of the question.

Love, B

Derek you might be the only guy I know who is willing to say "I don't know." I'm a slow learner, much slower than my older siblings. But it has kind of prepared me for difficult problems that come along later in life, because I have never expected to resolve anything right away. Some things take more time, and a slow person will have acquired the tenacity to see it through.

I remember as a kid, when anyone would ask me a question, or tell me something, I would say "Let me go ask/talk to myself and I'll get back to you." I don't say that anymore, but still need my time to let my personal thoughts come together.

Fucking Brilliant! You have described me perfectly. I have always felt a little dense because I don't know the answer in the moment. Thanks for giving me permission to think... and rehearse~ That was AWESOME! I rehearse and listen to how (and if) my answer resonates with me.

Thanks for this. Truly.

Derek, this is wonderful. Your account portrays the exact nature with which my mind, also works. A spontaneous reaction from me, most always, falls miserably, flat and fruitless, but given time, I can produce a response that is usually, thoughtful and honest... and perhaps sometimes, entertaining.

Thank you for alleviating the guilt and chastisement that often accompanies a disappointing display of my own, quick responses.

Blessings!

PS: That's an awesome sculpture by Kim Graham. Thanks for sharing it, along with this thoughtful and helpful, article.

I like that you say "I don't know," but I find "we'll see," a little frustrating since someone I know who is very passive-aggressive uses this regularly to suggest that she might be right and the rest of us are just too slow to catch up. ☺

Your slow thoughts definitely apply to me. Thanks for expressing them

So my lesson from this article is, Keep the good question in my mind till the next day, and not to forget to answer even my 1st reaction was too flat.. right?

I’m a slow thinker too. When people ask me something, most of the times, I tell them I will think about it and get back to them. Then I sleep on it, shower on it, walk on it, drive on it and so forth. More often than not I end up giving them a much better answer compared to what I would have given them instantly.

Also moderate procrastination can boost creativity. Here’s a TED talk about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxbCHn6gE3U . Adam Grant has a book called “Originals” too based on this idea. I haven’t read the book yet though.

I use “slow thinking” to figure out which project I should work on next. There are so many ideas for which my excitement fizzles away in a few days or a week. If I’m excited about a project for weeks, then I work on that. This approach has always served me well.

Yes, I slept on this before posting the comment ;) 

That is called treppenwitz

I have used the knee jerk reaction for more years than I care to remember. Example writing you right now after reading what you just wrote. It's time for be to change so I will ponder in this for now. You are so smart Derek. So very kind considerate and smart. Thank you for allowing me into your life through emails and posts on fb. You are a very wise man indeed! Hope you and your family are well.

M

That's exactly talking about me and I had been feeling bad. I believed that I am not sharp.
But as you say, I had been realizing that the first reaction often came from my traumatic experience such as I was treated disrespectful or discouraged. In a process of making a deep breath, taking some time to think about it or more so, I like to write things down, swipe the negative emotions away and make me more logical and positive. However, I had been feeling bad because the world is getting more and more encourage us to do "quick'n easy" way.
Your article truly helps me realizing that I'm not the only one.

Thank you, Derek!!

Great post!

Good points!

Actually I don't have nothing to say at this moment...

That's an interesting thought,"Your first reaction is out of date". That may not be true for everything but it's a great thing to quickly ask yourself before answering someone.

Wait a minute, let me think about it.... ☺

Thank you for sharing this, it really means a lot to me that I am not the only one. This has been an issue for me all my life. It makes it tough arguing with my wife, when I respond the next day she thinks I'm "bringing it up again" I'm really just catching up. I'm a very successful HVAC technition and now I teach it. I am not stupid, just a little slow.

Thank you again.

And that's why slow conversations are the most interesting. When people take time to think on the subject and make good points.
//
Your interviews look espontaneus! Good trick, man! :D

Good point.

Not shooting from the lip will keep you out of trouble but you would not get far in most game shows on TV.

I tend to be pretty slow in responding as well.

Hi Derek
Thank you once again for an insightful and thought provoking post.. While I agree with some of your subscribers , that in some instances it's possible(and necessary) to give a quick answer to some questions.. Many times people DO just reply to questions in a kind of 'text book' manner..Kind of like a
fight-flight response (thinking of the autonomic nervous)

Interesting that you say you have "nothing to say in the moment".. but the 'answer' comes to you later after a period of pondering.. This doesn't mean less intelligence.. It means you are in tune with your 'Wisdom' body.
The 'Vijnanamaya kosha' also known as the 'Buddhi'
.. In a nutshell.. The Wisdom that you already HAVE is trying to 'discern' the TRUTH of what you HEAR.. I believe that's why it takes you (what seems like) a long time to come up with an answer.
BigLove.. Peace
Sphinx

Interesting perspective for those who have the luxury to cogitate about events in their lives. As an ER Doc, I don't have that sort of freedom for obvious reasons. Sometimes I do as a musician so I guess the take home is you can think slowly when you can, and at those times it's probably worth while to do so.

It once took me 3 years to think of a clever comeback to a poor pick-up line. I sometimes wish I were more quick-witted. I often need to marinate on a thought.

I don't know!! :)

Five Stars. Totally invigorating. Thanks.

Great article. Reminds me also of Buffett and Munger

Buffett ”If I have any advantage, it’s probably that I know when I know what I’m doing, and I know when I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Munger “Warren and I know the edge of our own competency better than other people do.”

Buffett “You don’t have to have an opinion on everything. Charlie and I are competent to make judgments on certain things, and not on other things. We try to focus on what we can understand.”

Munger “I try to get rid of people who always confidently answer questions about which they don’t have any real knowledge. When you don't know and you don't have any special competence, don't be afraid to say so…Nobody expects you to know everything about everything.”
Great quotes. Thanks Peter! (For those readers here, Peter wrote one of my favorite books ever, “Seeking Wisdom”, full of more thoughts like this. — Derek

Great work, Derek!

Totally agree on the benefits of slow thinking. It is not an accident people like the interviews of yours, because you had the best interest for the audience. I finished listening to all of your interviews. I didn't just realise that you got the questions for the interviews in advance. I also noticed you might have different answers to same question in different podcasts.

I applied the same approach to life and I found that I tended to use writing to express my thoughts more often in the last couple of years. And I connected people deeper - something that I want.

Thanks for sharing. =]

Just have to share my amusement at there being 73 replies on the very same day that this was published, all agreeing with the concept of thinking slow and taking time to respond!

Deliciously ironic :P

Seriously though, this is a very useful and insightful article - thank you.
It reminds me of Kent Beck's comment (on that well-known source of slow reflection: Twitter) - https://twitter.com/KentBeck/status/596007846887628801

"any decent answer to an interesting question begins, "it depends...""

To pick up on your very last sentence:

One of my favourite books is Faster: The Acceleration of Just About Everything by James Gleick.

He highlights how in modern society we're now doing the exact opposite of what you recommend. One of the best examples he gives is of the test screening of films, where the members of the audience are given dials to twist to indicate in real-time whether or not they are enjoying the scene.
Yet I find that I usually don't decide whether I really liked a film until I'm telling people about it a day or two after I've left the theatre... they're capturing a false reaction.

Interestingly, he published the book before the advent of social networks and the acceleration of news reporting to the point of almost non-existent fact checking and the reporting as news of events that are still yet to happen!

Is it time for a grassroots movement to reverse this relentless slide into unthinking jabber? A Slow Thinking movement, echoing, perhaps, the Slow Food organisation founded in Italy some 30 years ago?

Now, that answers how spontaneous yet bright yours answers are in interviews! It works! I really like this method/idea/behaviour, and as a behaviour I intend to absorb it much more! Excellent. Many thanks, Roger

Depends of Course. The first thought to our mind can be the most powerfully pure whether it is from intuitive gut, emotional or humorous therefore should not be discounted, but not regretted. Filters and Mindfulness are always a good thing...THINK is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary or Kind. Processing while not overthinking generates additional layers of intellect, ideas and perspective...aha magical moments too. Certainly a selective process of where to assign more thought or reel your mind into balance.

This post had me thinking about two things (neither of which I am an expert on) and trying to lump them together. The first is learning styles. Maybe our different learning styles affect on how we go about answering tough questions. Visual learners tend to be able to flip quickly through "images" and get to an answer. Auditory learners need more time, need to talk it out. The kinesthetic type needs to feel it maybe even "walk" with all the possibilities before coming to a conclusion. The tension may come from when the conversation happens come between two individuals are different types creating a clash.
The other aspect I was thinking about was Daniel Kahneman's "thinking fast and slow." When a question arises likely there is an automatic quick response available. This may suffice for some things but for deeper questions, this feels like a surface treatment and does a disservice to the question.

One obvious thought of course, is that slower thinking might lead to fewer wars. Slower thoughts might yield fewer comments such as "Yes you do appear to be gaining weight" which could well tie in with the fewer wars thing. Indulging is slower thinking might lead us to pursue our life for the joy of learning instead of training us to be efficient in accumulating stuff. Slower thinking might find us with more quirky, refreshing friendships rather than the weedy things that grow in dogmatic soil. We might find we enjoy the quiet of our mind than the rancor of our quick reply...or maybe not. I don't know, I gotta think about it

Thank you for another great article, Derek. Ever since I heard you mentioned "Thinking, Slow and Fast" by Daniel Kahneman on the Tim Ferriss Show, I got a hunch that you'll write something about thinking slower.

And how coincidental that I recently wrote down some of my thoughts on "leading" (http://www.taoni.me/leading.html) and on #4, "Be a slower thinker and better listener", our thoughts cross wire!! Amazing :)

I am also thinking about slow thinking in the context of "job interview". Wouldn't it be great that before a job interview, we send a list of questions to the candidate, give people more time to deliberate and think through, and then hop on the phone to discuss? After all, what's more important is the depth of thinking, rather than the speed of reaction. I'll write something about it!

My first boss after grad school was one of the best engineers that I've ever met. It was really disconcerting for a long time working with him because every question I asked was met with silence.

Then later, a perfectly lucid and complete answer to my question that usually also ended up answering the next several questions that I would have asked.

I'd never met anyone who was so careful about listening, thinking, and only then responding. I try to be like him in that way but usually fail.

I agree completely.

The misuse of this idea could be not truly using the time to reflect on the matter, but to consider how you are being perceived by others. Someone less authentic than you might hide behind this mask of "I'll think slowly" to try ano look smarter or something else.
It can be way of playing safe, avoiding mistakes.

I know this is not your case, but my thought is that a result can come from different inner drives, and despite looking similar on the surface, they are indicators of entirely distinct things.
When you hold back an first thought to avoid sharing more (or less) than necessary, editing and only speaking something of worth, this is an amazing habit to have. But what appears on the surface is just this guy not answering now and coming back tomorrow with something to say. One can copy the empty shell and not pay due attention to the content, the idea of caring through sharing less or only better stuff, being considerate by investing more time yourself with anything that will impact others (words and actions alike).

Let me think on this before I reply.😄

I think this a trick to see who would take their time replying ;). I agree that the world would work much differently if it's citizens responded more consciously. I think that so much hatred would be rid of were we to all consider that our quick judgements are merely the brain being lazy and relying on cognitive biases. For questions that are very deep I like the idea of making sure that our friends are getting well thought out answers. Though one might say that if it takes a couple of days to think deeply about a question you may be constructing the answer, I think that's okay. The construction process itself forces one to draw on their values and visions for the future when answering. Being a slow thinker is great, though I can't help but laugh at the thought of a conversation taking place with each response coming every 2 days! That would make for a good comic strip. :) Thanks for some awesome food for thought!

We'll see!

The world would be better ... Like it will be when Jesus Christ returns 😉Everything you just wrote reminds me of many scriptures Christ taught! Good article ! Diane

Thank you. I needed to read this. I tend to react with emotion and my ego often gets the best of me. I will emulate your example.

Nice piece. Not only is our first response outdated it tends to be habitual and often "defensive." We are often triggered to be in the fight and flight mode, especially when confronted. Yes, most of our initial responses are based on some historical event. There are ways to overcome projecting our past on to the present and the simplest one is WAIT to speak. Learning to be more mindful, more conscious at any given interaction is also helpful. Parker J Palmer writes a lot about "sharing solitude" with others to allow for a more honest and thoughtful response to emerge. So, YES, time to consider our responses brings forth a more honest and truer outcome. And one we will usually feel better about in the long run. We can also create spaces and relationships where silence is welcomed into the dialogue. The world would be a much friendlier and peaceful place with your simple suggestion to just wait before we respond.

It's so nice to see this advice for slow thinkers!

I'd rather have people think I am stupid in the moment than come up with a bs answer. If they give me a chance to think it through they are usually impressed with the result, if not annoyed by the extensiveness of it. If they don't have enough patience for that, we are not a good fit.

What amazes me is how many well-paid supposed experts get by with bs for as long as they do.

As far as politicians, regardless of how thoughtful they may appear, they have an agenda of power, not reality-based thought.

You and Stuart Moffett! Measured, thoughtful, thorough. I like the way you think!

I am the same way. I usually never have quick reply. There are times when the next day, the answer will pop in my head. Then I follow up with the person. One thing is for sure. I would probably never win a political debate on TV.

I appreciate the "I don't know" comment. I've heard it said that not knowing is a powerful and empowering place to be in. Like the pregnant pause. Meditation and reflection support me by providing inspiration and second and third thoughts. There's also something to be said for a momentary restraint until after further reflection.

Cogent piece! Very cool how it resonates with so many people. It brings to mind these other aspects of effective conversation:

1. Echoing a point by Kiwiguy in comment #111, and by Rohin in comment #128: When it's feasible to prepare, prepare. In the context of a meeting, take time to anticipate questions (from yourself and others), seek answers, and explore your own take, going deep. This can disentangle speed-of-conversation from quality, character, and quantity of thinking applied to conversation. (Preparing can also be used maliciously by, for example, politicians; see Filipe Moitta's comment #193 and Jen's comment #200.)

2. Echoing a point by Daniel Brandt in comment #142: There are practices that sharpen a person's capacity to avoid reactivity (aka conditioned response).

I'm looking forward to reading Sarah Schulman's Conflict is Not Abuse, which addresses toxic reactivity, among other things.

So, that's my response after some slow thinking but before the additional thinking I'll do after posting this.

Thanks for yet another great piece

Amen, Bro, that's how we grow, I guess. That's what I've learned through my own life experiences and the teachings of Buddhist monk, Thich Naht Hanh and Mindfulness guru, Jon Kabat Zinn.

Although sometimes I still find myself falling back into old habits of reactivity, it's pretty cool to (hopefully) have the awareness that my reaction is "out dated" and so, on occasion, I've sometimes gone back to a person with my "present moment" response. For me, this is most difficult with people I'm closest to and parenting (omg... do my teenager's eyes bug out of his head when I come back later and say, "maybe you're right, let's revisit that"). Haha!

Did you ever consider that you're a modern philosopher of sorts? ☺

Good stuff.

But it won't make you a leader! ;-)

The Connection Between Speed and Charisma
Bill von Hippel, professor at the University of Queensland, on how the ability to think and respond quickly makes someone seem more charismatic.
https://hbr.org/ideacast/2016/08/the-connection-between-speed-and-charisma.html

Love this!

I agree I am a slow thinker

Interesting! At my work, occasionally there is this "prize" that goes to people who can think fast and decide quickly. I often find myself thinking that we award speed more often than process and improvement. So eager to slap a sticker on it and move on to the next thing.

Love your work Derek! Especially the piece about playing with your kids for long periods of time with no preset goal, etc. So good. It's helped me be a better Dad with my kids.

Peace,
Ryan

I find that this aspect of my personality drives people crazy.. because I do exactly the same thing. I cannot help it. I need to process the information first, firstly, to really answer the question with true authenticity. And I know, it sounds like answering quickly is the correct way, without filters.

For certain creative exercises, yes, this knee-jerk reaction can and does work. But in the case of relationships, interviews, band decisions, etc.. take your time.

Let the true heart speak, not the ego.

Thank you for writing this! You make me feel better about being a slow thinker. Besides being a slow thinker, I am also someone who can only think when I am alone. Unfortunately, I work in an environment in which people likes to brainstorm together on the white board or with post-its. If you have similar experience and happen to have some practical advice for me that would be great!

I totally agree with you. I usually can't come up with a satisfying answer at the moment being asked. But job interviews prefer the opposite: either you come up something nice quickly, or you fail. There's little time to think. They won't give you the questions in advance.

I know many people here in China try to remember a lot of questions and answers in order to prepare a job interview. But I hate to remember those mostly useless information just to pass interviews. (It's useless not only because they are mostly interview questions rather than real world problems, but also when the question occasionally becomes real problems, I can come up with better solutions, as long as I have time and room to think.)

I am the same way, however I would not want it to be otherwise. A "slow thinker" sounds very negative but in reality there is just more gaps between thoughts, gaps in which you are true to yourself and this moment.

A new sight or sound arises, and in the first moment of perception, there is a brief cessation in the habitual stream of thinking. Consciousness is diverted away from thought because it is required for sense perception. A very unusual sight or sound may leave you "speechless", even inside, that is to say, bring about a longer gap.

The frequency and duration of those spaces determine your ability to enjoy life, to feel an inner connectedness with other human beings as well as nature. It also determines the degree to which you are free of ego because ego implies complete unawareness of the dimension of space.

When you become conscious of these brief spaces as they happen naturally, they will lengthen, and as they do, you will experience with increasing frequency the joy of perceiving with little or no interference of thinking.

Inner space also arises whenever you let go of the need to emphasize your form-identity. That need is of the ego. It is not a true need.

I would very much recommend Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" if you want to read more and achieve freedom.

So true... It takes humility to admit we don't have an immediate answer for everything but hopefully by taking our time and working through first-principles analysis (as opposed to reaching for the conditioned response) we will hopefully arrive at wiser, more durable conclusions...

I totally agree. I avoid making rushed decisions. I like to think of all the angles before I give my opinion. Most decisions have multiple factors so I want to make the best choice not the fastest choice.

It's good but only something you'll find recognized in Western society.

I'm in my mid 30s, in a post communist country. Around here, speed is important. Appearances are important. Being slow to respond marks you as "slow" usually implying dumb or doormat. Because of this, it takes time to gain the respect of your peers, time to prove yourself.

All this .. make for some crappy life experiences. On the plus side, I can make good decisions. I'm not in debt like most of my peers, I have a stable home and income, nice savings, and ... it took a while, but comfortable in my own skin.

Having someone else say it all loud really helps. Thank you.

Hello from Thailand Derek, Thank you for writing this article: you just described me! and it tells me that I'm not alone with this kind of thinking.

Everything you just said, especially the 'give me a night and I'll give you even a better idea back' really strike me.

Surrounded by extroverts colleges at work, I always looked stupid when things that need quick response comes to me (e.g. Brainstorming sessions) Yeah, I can give you some quick idea if you want to, but I know it's shitty and shallow, and I can do better with some study, just some time to think about it. I don't really understand how can people 'throw' their (knee-jerk and outdated, like you said)ideas/responses so quickly without any researching about the topic prior.

Some might say that you shouldn't frame yourself of being 'introvert' (or vice versa), but whatever other said, I cannot denied that I have introvert's trait, like you and many others. And I'm proud of it.

I believe there is value in thinking before speaking or in the case of the internet writing. I think we live in a time where instant gratification is the norm and we do need to have time to digest what is being 'consumed' before we open our mouths or fingers and tell the world what we really think or feel. awsome article derek. thanks.

Love it. Totally relate.

I used to reply right away and made some mistakes like promising to go somewhere and didn't. So now, I don't reply to invitations in social network...I just show up, things happen. I'm an artist...when I have an idea for the next painting, I sketch and take my time so the final painting might look completely different or something else added. Few years ago, I would paint, varnish and regret it thinking it could've been better, so now, I'm painting some of my old idea and making it new and better. It also applies to how I title my work. I have few ideas in the sketch stage but once the painting is finished, it magically pops in my head. I think if I don't think about it instead of slow thinking, things work out when I'm doing something completely different like cleaning the house or doing laundry or watching a movie. Sometimes, I wake up and stay in bed while I'm not fully awake and ideas will pop into my head kind of like I'm meditating...thank you Derek, you made me think about this topic more, so true!

I love this article. My way of moving through the world, sometimes too quickly, is that everything has a sense of urgency so when I come across
Someone who responds this way, it would frustrate me. Now, I admire it and mirror it as best as I can. Sometimes well enough and many times, I blow it. But you are so very right. Just because someone else has a need or sense of urgency for receiving a response doesnt mean it needs to be so. This also comes with maturity as well. Thank you for the insight and a wonderful
Reminder we all think and show up in different ways and its all good 😊

Love it. I think I'm often seen as indecisive or maybe introverted, because I don't always have an immediate answer. Truth is I like to think on things and different variables to in fact have the best possible answer.

Hi Derek, My mother had the same thing -- a delayed reaction. It would take her 3 days for something to sink in or for her to figure out all the implications. In her lifetime she studied in Paris, earned 2 degrees at McGill University, looked after an invalided husband, raised 2 children, ran a business with my dad where he was the administrator/buyer/tutor (of her) and she was the saleslady. Later in life, she had a writing career and was a newspaper columnist. She was active in church and volunteered at the Verteran's hospital in Montreal. She had mild dyslexia and that delayed reaction. ...and she was a good writer. And she was beautiful. Quite a gal. - Marian

I'm much like this myself. As my father-in-law said, there is no shame in taking your time to think something through properly. Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if everyone on the internet did that?

I love the permission in this. The permission to make up my own mind in my own time. The permission to not answer when asked - or ever if I don't choose to.

It's very freeing.

I think it is great to put thought into a response. Oh how many times a quick tongue has caused problems!

I agree with your article and I'm flattered that you would use my sculpture as a representative of calm and considered thought. You totally nailed the purpose of his pose. He was intended to be much more gentle than Rodin's "Thinker".
Wow! Hi Kim! So honored that you found this! Thanks! — Derek

Thank you for the post, Derek, I'm glad I'm not the only one in the world like that.

It makes for an interesting dynamic when a loved one shares their feelings. I hold a space for them and, sometimes, it's not until a day or two+ later that I will bring it up for discussion. By then, for the other person, that means I'm bringing up old news. Old for them, but not really for me, because it takes time to process (highly) charged information, particularly when it's coming from the heart. I also feel that it's important to let the other person express until completion so as to understand what's going on for them. There are occasional exceptions to this type of processing, of course but that's pretty much the norm.
So, I have to agree. I'd rather be patient. It's better than flying too soon and crashing/burning someone/something I care about.
Gracias!

Agree with 'slow thinking' Derek.. I've always employed this methodology.. - the coarse way of putting it would be to say "If you want an answer today, the answer's 'no'.."
But one wouldn't wish to be coarse..
..of course! ;>

Interesting article, i will always answer at the time and build on that during the week, but it usually stays with me, as i don't contact them to say "hey on second thought to that question you asked, my thoughts are now ....." in fact i think my answer to the same question can change depending on my mood also. which is why i love ideas not beliefs, ideas are easy to change.

So happy for those words, because that is what happens to me ALL THE TIME! I am a "hmmmm...maybe yes, maybe no...." person ☺
Imagine; I do seminars and workshops and when people ask me somehting, I start thinking for a long time to find my answer. That can be quite bizarre for the people, because there is a long pause. And I love pauses! We need the pauses for our thoughts. We need to create much more space for our thoughts, because than I feel like the "real ones" come up on the surface.
I love it.

Nice post, Derek.

I've worked in Learning Support in different phases of education for years (currently some hours with 16-19 year olds and a developing role with degree-level dyslexic music students), with a lot of interesting people; I'm also the father of a very creative son on the autistic spectrum. This has led me to appreciate a wide range of ways of seeing the world. I've recently been reading 'The Dyslexic Advantage' by Brock & Fernette Eide, which lays out, with really crisp and clear science, how dyslexic people have differently-wired brains and can approach all sorts of problems and challenges with new and unique perspectives. My conclusion from this is that to always place value on a quick response is to presume a very specifically verbal intelligence, whereas there are lots of ways of approaching a question, because there are different kinds of intelligence. The quick response also may come from a rigid, narrow moral/philosophical perspective. Another way of looking at this is (and yes, it depends on the question) is who really values off-the-cuff glibness? Doesn't it also feel nice that someone has taken time thinking about an issue we pose?

I am a week late. I never thought about it before, but I completely agree with you about the first reaction usually being outdated. Quick responses are generally loaded with hidden personal bias as well. More food for thought. Thank you!

haha. I agree Derek. Well written. You mentioned this in the slow hustle interview and it hooked onto me. Wonder why you waited so long to write this though. Slow thinking at work perhaps.

So liberating to accept your own rhythm. So empowering to allow yourself to practice empowered responses. Also gives others permission to do the same. Implementing this in life gives you the chance to detach from your thoughts, solide into an identity greater than the impulses rushing into your mind, to take on new perspectives and to choose the one most aligned with who you want to be for yourself and others in the world. Beautiful work, Derek, please keep writing.

Amazing read! I truly agree with this, and have such experiences myself.

I am 17 and a award-winning Impromptu Speaker - give me a topic/quote and i'll engage the audience for 3 minutes, and they'll love it! I also have experience training my peers and juniors at this skill.

One of the first things about impromptu speaking is "not being impromptu. In the case of Toastmasters Club Competitions, people jump to what they're familiar with once they hear the quote. This often leads to a boring speech that does not have the excitement or the energy of a truly spontaneous and fresh speech.

Don't let your reflex control you. Think fresh. Speak fresh.

Thanks for the great article!

It is funny because this how I will write a song s l o w l y. If someone ask me a question and I don't have the answer it's a look or hm. Unfortunately I have answered half heartly if the person persist. I've learned I am true to myself only if I have an answer. No answer is that important if it is not thought out. Even if the answer is the next day. You are a strong person Derek by not answering.

Thanks for writing this. I am a slow thinker too. I'll read your other posts now.

I love taking a long time to answer things, when it's needed. Often I need days or weeks to process information all the way, in order to get really clear. And sometimes I need another person in the room when I think through things in order to focus me. It's the oddest thing.

And like @Jim Smith said, the "what else?"

How long does it take to formulate a deep question?

What about questions that cannot be answered?

Do answers come to you intuitively and suddenly?

Are you a "long" thinker and slow writer?

Thanks ..I have been concerned about how slow I think about my responses...Your blog always speaks to me personally...I actually feel i am am more of a researcher than a debater.

Separate from whether you think fast or slow is what medium enables you to think best.

My partner is a verbal processor. So for her, she needs to talk to think through her ideas to figure out what she believes.

I process my thoughts through the written word. So I need to write things down and edit to figure out what I believe.

This has the disadvantage in relationships in that I prefer writing my feelings down instead of discussing them, e.g. the proverbial love letter. That doesn't always mesh with those who process verbally.

When I code, I write documentation as a way of thinking through the problem and ensuring I'm implementing a good solution. The writing process brings an extra level of clarity I can't get from sitting & thinking, or just talking about a problem.

Thanks again Derek for the thought provocation. As a slow thinker, I generally don't open your emails until I know I can really ponder them!! with love, Anandi

Such a relief to hear someone actually encourage this type of approach. I've felt so insecure over the fact that I am not quick with answers. I need time to explain exactly what's in my head. I realize there might also be deeper issues at play here, but it's nice to hear someone even discuss something like this. Currently learning how to accept how my brain functions, so this will help. Thanks.

Like you, I'm definitely a react-later kind of thinker. Recently something happened to me that should have made me immediately very angry. But even though I hunted around for the feeling, trying to summon it up, it simply wasn't there. It appeared later in the day after I'd had a chance to turn the thing over in my mind for a while.

I interview people a lot, and try to insist on a spontaneous, no-questions-in-advance kind of approach. I think I worry people will edit away anything really interesting. This is making me rethink all of that. Thanks.

nice topic i must say. it is not every question that someone ask you that you answer and even if you answer is according to your understanding. that let people make fool you. just believe in yourself. please share more of your post through this link http://www.unn.edu.ng/ to here other people view on this topic. Thanks

GOOD ONE

Wow! I've wasted a lot of energy feeling like a dumbass for being a slow responder (with thinking things and with feeling things) that I hadn't stepped back to consider the value of, or underlying reason for doing it that way. This is a new lens that gives me a way to set that aside and own it. Thank you so much! Brilliant and insightful, as always.

Thank you Derek I used to think of it as such an anomaly and usually when I thought things through I had a much better answer..

I feel deeply identified with what you wrote here. Thanks for putting it into words.

From one "slow thinker" to another, I'd say that we aren't slow thinkers. We just see more universes, more dimensions, more sides to every situation. The longer you process, the more you examine, the more brilliant the picture. Brilliance may occur from spontaneous or premeditated actions, but I think true wisdom comes from time. A smart person may think of the right questions, but the patient person knows answers will come when they may.

And I too enjoy boiling down my thoughts into a lovely reduction of truth. Every great artist, or great anyone does that. As a big fan of stand-up comedy, I'd say my favorite comedians are the ones that have clipped every extraneous word from their "bit". They've flipped the bit inside and out, moved pieces, rewrote it, changed the premise, etc. Anything to turn what they're trying to say into its truest form. Rome wasn't built in a day. And if you want a truly magical ragù alla bolognese, it's going to take at least 3 hours. There are no shortcuts to greatness.

I like the sound of this world where we don't feel the pressure to knee-jerk a reaction in order to avoid looking like we don't have a clue.

If we can combine this ability to say "I don't know" and take our time coming up with an answer with the ability to change our mind, we'd be in a much better spot.

Often a lively discussion can cause me to completely change my mind, whether I started with the knee-jerk reaction or a more considered thought. Life is full of paradox and new information, so perhaps the balance we seek is well considered strong opinions, loosely held.

Agreed. I often wish I could operate in hindsight.

They world change fast. And our life is short. We have no time to waste or wait. So we have no choice, but just do it. move on. then think your next step is right or not. I am slow. but i try to move fast. no more thinking. just fight.

I wonder after reading Derek's piece how many of you ( myself included) when straight to comments and wrote... there's no getting away what an influence and how Derek has impacted on each & everyone off us like a stone dropped in a lake causes many .many ripples so has dereks artilces and so i'll leave with 2 points 1, I concur and 2, I doff my hat to the man

I feel I'm not alone, now! Thank you!!!

I appreciate your process. Have you ever checked out The World Institute of Slowness? I have been thinking about writing something called 'The 400 Hour Work Week' but I don't think too many people would read it. :)
Haven't, but sounds nice. — Derek

Interesting post
My interpretation is that your initial response may be too impulsive and not as insightful as one more thought out. If so time would equate to most appropriate answer. How do we know if or when we've devoted too much time (or too little)? What measurement do we use to determine which answer is best? I find it interesting how we use qualitative adjectives to denote linear measurements (i.e., good, better, best). But then again, I didn't put much thought into it. . . does it show?

You're the best, great post Derek.

I can relate to this, almost all of it. Thanks for sharing this
https://www.buzzycircles.com/publishers

My husband is a lot like this (has been since we started dating), but I've been the total opposite most of my life.

Then, whenever we would need to make an important decision, I would get frustrated when he needed a few days to make decision. 8 years later and I'm no longer quick to device: on most things. I've also gone from an extreme-extrovert to a most-days-introvert. This world's societies (at least more predominantly in the western society) wasn't built for introverts. I work to blend both because I'm much happier with my introverted tendencies; and, I'm less stressed. There's still progress to be made though.

Wow, I always thought there was something wrong with me. I just can't ever commit to an answer on my feet, doesn't feel right. Now that I'm older and I've mulled over the conversations I've had throughout my life and since people tend to ask the same questions, I tend to have an answer ready.

Pleasure to read your thoughts, Derek :)

Hey Derek,

I totally relate to this and it's a major point of contention with my girlfriend and I. She will have very thorough questions or start an argument and I will literally take days to respond. She pretty much hates it - but it's who I am and I like who I am.

Great Post, thank you Derek!

This. So much this. Especially the part about "Your first reaction is usually outdated".

For such a long time, I've felt awkward and different. I have often found myself reflecting over a conversation and thinking "why didn't I say that!". I've even gone so far as to "beat myself up" about it. Thinking that I wasn't smart or confident enough.

Self-acceptance is teaching me that this is fine. That conversation reflects my opinions and thoughts at the time, and deeper thoughts arise in the time after. Those initial reflections are a catalyst for the deeper ones. I can then decide to either bring those back to the conversation or internalise them and build upon them in the future.

I'm also learning to not speak my mind. Listening and reflecting, and attempting to understand before offering an opinion or reflection. It's lead to deeper understandings.

There are so many other times when there is no second chance, but I think the only way to prepare for offering a deeper opinion is to have reflected upon it beforehand. At least there is value in daily reflection on some level or the other. :)

Thank you!

Pete Blaber, former Commander of Delta Force, stole some insight from his unit psych doc on which he muses on the human norms of processing information in the "saturation, incubation, illumination" phases of action. I figured out a while ago I was spending way too much time on the saturation phase, and devoting much too little to the incubation process. It's a constant struggle, but well worth the rebalancing.

His book, "The Mission, The Men, and Me" is well worth the read.

Thank you for this article. It really resonated with me.

I work in a sales environment where most meetings are face to face or phone calls and it is hell for me because I'm a very slow thinker. Most of the people I work with seem to come up with the right answer on the fly. I feel out of place. I sweat profusely. It is wearing me out at times. I find myself thinking: "I wish I was more like them". And then I see through their BS.

I used to think that this inability to think fast has to do mostly with English not being my first language, though I came to realize that in some ways, that is an advantage.

When someone talks to me, I will listen until I realize that they might expect and answer from me really soon. At that moment, I block them out and start thinking about my answer. This, often times, leads to me missing important parts of a conversation and having to go back and asking my interlocutor to repeat their address. Sometimes I just let it be and try to deduce what they are talking about at a later time. Not always a success.

I started to embrace my slow thinking more and more as I grew older and started not to care about what people think. I lay out my communication preferences in advance and ask people to repeat themselves when necessary. I use the expression "Just to be clear..." and "give me a little bit" or "I'd like to think about it first..."

So I love email, I love instant messaging and all forms of written delayed response. It works better for me.

I am glad I stumbled upon your article. Love the comments as well. Great fellowship. Proud to be part of this league.

Felix.

In the beginning of my relationship, my girlfriend assumed I was always slow to answer her questions because I was formulating responses based on what I thought she wanted to hear. This was not the case. She came to understand my spirit animal is a sloth. My answers are genuine and thought out. A decade later we are still together. This world needs more slow thinkers! Thanks for this article.

As you say, in a verbal response, it probably makes one look stupid in the moment. Luckily a written response may allow the time ruminate on the issue.

The following saying in one form or another was used by Mark Twain, George Bernard Shaw, Voltaire, Henry David Thoreau, Winston Churchill, Marcel Proust, Rudyard Kipling, Goethe and probably originated with Blaise Pascal

"I’m sorry this letter is so long, I didn’t have time to make it shorter."

Which expounds the value of taking your time to formulate a response

I love your content. You're my idol.

Glad to hear it's not just me... ☺

Thank you! I've had a hard time reconciling my admirable academic capabilities with my real-time reactions which seem disappointing. I think it comes to temperament. I'm a melancholic (INFJ to be exact) Thank you for this yet again! I say 'again' also because I'm currently reading your book on Anything you want:40 rules for Entrepreneurs.... You are a blessing!and it's strange how I came across this article :typed 'slow thinking' and my current book's author comes up. It was meant to be lol. Thanks Blessings!

I'm so glad you cleared this up. I always feel like I have so much to say about certain topics. But when people actually start talking about them I just keep the conversation going with the occasional "Yeah" or "That's true." Then the day after I find myself mentally engaged with that topic and I'm having a mini ted talk in my head! I find blogging help because I get my thoughts in a concrete form and can refer to them. Then I feel more ready for conversation.

Thanks Derek!

Read “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, by Daniel Khaneman. It's one of the best books I've ever read.
I agree! Here's the link to it. — Derek

Excellent post! I am also a deliberate thinker and generally for the same reasons. Anybody's first reaction to an issue is most often based on a previous thought blueprint; presumptive, outdated, and probably not applicable to the situation at hand. Nobody thinks fast enough, is smart enough, or has enough depth of experience to reliably and effectively give an immediate answer.

But there are people who think fast on their feet, right? Nope. People who do give immediate answers and happen to get it right are lucky and played the odds effectively in the moment, based on what they thought was a similar context. I'm not comfortable with that and would not leave a decision, especially an important one, up to luck.

My goodness it's so good to know that you, a great contributor to so many people, are a slow thinker. I'm honored to be in your camp and no longer feel inferior to be this way.

I found your site because I was looking for inspiration on developing an uncluttered, easy to navigate website for my community league. I didn't expect to find personal inspiration for my own self-improvement. I am also a slow thinker. It often takes me days to realize I've been insulted - which is actually a blessing, not a curse. But I haven't learned the art of delaying a response. I'm too polite. Perhaps I need to change my thinking and realize that it is actually more polite to be accurate than immediate in my response.
Thank-you.

Me too!

I appreciate and would rather have a well thought out insightful answer from someone I'm in a conversation or business deal with. I assume the person I am interacting with wants the same so that's what I give. At times I do not have the type of answer I would like to receive, so therefore I don't give one. I listen to learn and not to fill time, and I may be out of touch thinking that's what others do. As you say you are not a good debater, I am the same. I am an analyzer and statement giver. This sounds similar to what you may be doing. Possibly? This is a very inter sting topic to me, and one I have spent time thinking about in the past.

Thanks Derek. By the way I love that sculpture. Here's another work of the studio, a huge dinosaur: http://kimbeatonstudios.com/img/grandpaDragon.jpg
class="response">Yes! I love her work. — Derek

THANK YOU. Until I read this article, I thought there was something wrong with me, and I was getting that "impostor syndrome" feeling at work.

But it's just that I'm not good at thinking on my feet, and there is nothing wrong with that. Some people have that strength, some people don't. I like to deliberate on things. I like having time to build and solidify my ideas before sharing them. Ask me a question on the spot during a meeting, and I likely won't have much to contribute. But, give me an hour or a day to think on something, and I'll come back to you with a lot of well-thought out, in-depth, solid ideas and suggestions.

THANKS AGAIN! I feel about 1000x better about myself now.

Me too.
Also, I am a slow responder. My boss likes how I am the only one who doesn't snap out an answer. I take a second to think, a second I can use to get grounded/centred as I think, and before I speak.

This is partly because it feels more honest, and besides, here in Canada some of the aboriginals talk like that.

Also, in answer to #267 trying to think of a reply as the other is talking, to me it feels more honest to act as if my CPU (central processing unit) is in power-save mode, or stand-by. I don't flick the switch to power up until after the other person is finished. Besides feeling more courteous, I am relieved of trying to do two things at once—that is to say, I listen first then think.

I think people are OK with me taking time to think, since then they feel good that they were heard. I think most people value being truly heard more than they value a super-fast response.

The reason I suspect most people aren't truly heard is that I am often told I am a good listener. To me, I am just being natural.

I can relate. I always admired witty people able to have a comeback at the drop of a hat and thought I wasn't as smart because I always had to take more time to provide a good response. But the more I see pundits debating, the more I realized they just regurgitate the same talking points with breaking new ground. Ground-breaking ideas don't come from being witty.

For comment #160, where he couldn't answer until he had gone off and asked himself... I get it.

Back when I was a theatre reviewer most of us used stenographer pads (from the Greek word Sten, meaning narrow) that we could slip into our inside blazer pocket. I however used a clip board, that I couldn't hide, because I liked to write with big letters (and to write lots on the same page) People would recognize me as a critic. And if they asked what my review would be?

The truly honest answer was that I wouldn't know until I had gone home and written my review. (thought about it)

I have found myself saying this often here lately, So me ... IDK!!!

Touché

apart from putting together a decently nuanced and thorough answer that's genuinely helpful, i like taking time to answer simply because i'm prone to being incomplete, blunt, or full-out running my mouth. and that's a far larger risk if someone expects an instant reply.

why send/say something that can cause rightfully-hurt feelings now? especially when tomorrow morning, i can send/say something that makes the receiver thank me?

Thank you so much for all your easy-to-digest articles. I learned a ton of things from them, including English (I'm Vietnamese). The world needs more slow thinkers like you and me!

Thank you, Derek, for all that you share of yourself here and in your other creations. It's helping me better understand and appreciate my desire and need for solitude and minimalism. And simply be glad that people like you are on the planet right now. Namaste.

Came to your site because of your OpenBSD article, and after some browsing found this wonderful piece of knowledge that i find myself on it.

People these days get angry when hearing a "i dont know", and pretty often i have to complete with a "do you want a fancy answer that will make you happy, or you want to give me some time to think and give you a honest answer?"

This is the attitude(saying "i dont know, yet") you improve by getting older. I can see me 10 years ago, when i had to "win" all discussions and maybe, saying stupid things just to have the "upper hand" on fast answers.

I feel you. Though I didn't find time to read the full blog (pardon me),I do find some of your characteristics matching with me. Not all, but some. I really think you have the same problem as mine. It's called APD (Auditory Processing Disorder), atleast for the hearing part. Go see a doctor. This might help! Cheers...

This is very good. INTJ also, and a slooooow thinker. I always wonder how people can come up with super cool, super smart answers and responses right away. I need to let it sink in, always. This is also why I constantly have to remind myself not to react too quickly in any conversation. It is usually way less than the best I can come up with. At least a few seconds have to pass before anything useful at all comes up, except I have planned out responses beforehand like you described.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this! Loved reading your story about growing CDBaby!

I will let you know after I think on it.

Think at your own speed, I say. Most people don't appear to bother doing it at all. I'd also suggest not moving too fast, lest you learn that what you were late for was an accident.

System 2 awesomeness

I am sure you are the toughest person to sell to. ☺

I'm with you on that one. I much rather think and write. Many years ago I got the idea that I wanted to become a lawyer. But I lacked two aptitudes: I could never remember stuff verbatim sufficiently accurately to regurgitate in exams; and I couldn't think fast enough on my feet. So I dropped out. In high school I never did well in debates, but excelled at research and essays.

In my circle of friends I note that the lawyers and sale people are very good at remembering facts and thinking on their feet. The engineers and accountants are more considered in their thinking processes. So I would argue that the differences could be due to the innate aptitudes.

I used to think I was a slow thinker too, but then I realized everyone else with snap answers were just full of it ☺ I prefer to say "let me think about it". I think what's really going on is that I have so much empathy for others I can't really think deeply when other people are interacting with me because I'm spending so much mental energy worrying about them. So I think it's kind of an introverted versus extraverted thing. I think an extravert can turn off their people worrying radar and focus on the topic at hand which is why they seem so smart on "on the ball". But I've learned their answers are not necessarily better, and often times worse, if not down right wrong. So the world needs both kinds of people, the fast movers and shakers to get people going and the deep thinkers like us to actually get real stuff done.

Seriously speaking it true talk. ..I was like that before but I challenge my self one day nd I sand at my feet nd take a challenge...thanks very much?

The reason people don't do well on timed tests. This should be imparted in schools.

It's even more true when it comes to answering your children. Sometimes parents give crappy or schematic answers because they are too proud to say "I don't know" or "I have to thing about it". When my daughter asks me for sth, often I say "I have to think about it and ask your mom as well". It's just more authentic :)

I'll think and tell

I totally agree , this is the difference between reaction and response.

I relate to this a lot. I always knew that I am not as fast as others but that my quality is higher than that of others because of that fact.

Yeah, you're basically explaining to us that you're a faggot, or even a total moron.
Of course with the excuse that you're a fine analyst. Well done!

I'm like this in a lot of ways. Found this from ”hacker news” on ycombinator.

To give an honest and truthful answer, that feels satisfactory to me, I need time. And that's OK, the world needs more of this.

For that other commenter, I like that AWE thing. I do that, hehe. Hence me wanting to be a life coach or social worker.

It is OK if you recognise yourself as a slow thinker.

It's also OK if you feel like you can change that a little bit if you are the kind of person that enjoys being challenged and growing.

Be careful though with only points out to your slow-thinkingness as a HUGE problem and you need to change that otherwise you're problematic. This kind of mindset is very common in startups where you are expected to react super quick to changes.

Note that even though you can always challenge yourself to grow as a person and develop new skills, you don't HAVE to change this specific aspect of yourself to fit in our society.

There are environments where what you see as a weakness can be a strength: maybe on the other side, you are a wise human being and the best writer of our time, a talent yet to be discovered.

Conclusion: if you're a fish, don't judge yourself by your difficulty of climbing a tree. Maybe you're an awesome thinker and there is a place for you in the world. #self-awareness

Hi Derek! To me, you are like an older brother. Your stories help me see how to manage futures challenges, and accomplish my goals. Thanks, bro!

Good point. Reminds me of "advice" in the lines of "speak slow, think fast" (in the sense that by waiting before answering you're slowing down your speech without compromising on deliberating your point.

Here is something I thought when reading your piece. To try to make my point, I propose the following mental experiment.

Suppose you and a loved one are discussing your reaction to something, trying to understand, say, why some type of situation puts you in a bad mood. To make an experiment, your loved one poses you a hypothetical situation, and asks `how would you feel and react to this'? Now, you can imagine the situation and express what you think you are feeling right then and there, or do that alone, process the result and then come back to your loved one later. The second approach may give them a more processed, well thought-out account of how the hypothetical situation makes you feel, but deprives them of the "raw data" (your spontaneous reaction), and hence deprives you of their insights into you.

Of course, the point above only makes sense if you believe that we are often mistaken when it comes to understanding ourselves without other people's point of view, i.e.: that they may be in a better position to understand your behavior than yourself sometimes.

One other thing I would like to share (I apologize for not taking longer to process it, but I think that, by the time I have found a better way to express this, I will no longer be able to contact you---so I'd rather try for half-communicating than not communicating at all).

Another point would be that communication happens in so many levels, and a large portion of them are non-verbal and do not arise as product of our "thinking" brain (by which I mean the more-recently-evolved part of our brains); hence, it is unlikely that that part of the message can be "played back" at a later time, at our will. I am not saying that the visceral brain (if I may call it that) has a better say so in all matters of life, but it has a say so and it is an important part of who we are and play a big role in everyone's life.

Again, thanks for the food for thought!
Hopefully the convoluted writing does not ruin my message.

Best wishes,
Tássio

In general when a person ask you a question and wait an answer, he or she looks for a best answer at that moment and not an answer that was carefully built and thought. So, if it is a question that demand some thinking I'd prefer to give an answer like "from the best of my knowledge at the moment may answer is ...". An immediate answer is an opportunity to show your personal skills and trends. It is what the well intention-ed people wait as an answer. For the bad intention-ed any answer would be useless.

Your response is probably better than mine -- usually snap back with a snarky "gut answer," which as another says below is wildly conventional. As an executive, I try to let people think through their answers... In this way, dramatic pauses are helpful - use the power of the second of silence to draw more force into the next statement...

Helps to have a depth of ready answers to common issues, but there is less often the chance to "get back to you on that", and that is always less impactful than an immediate answer in a meaningful exchange.

"As much as I agree on behalf of slow processing people like me, I think there is value in being able to respond quickly" (someone commented) . I Agree, me too. It's possible to avoid unthoughtful and meaningless answer and still engage in the moment. If i don't have a deep answer at the moment, I would just think out loud and go through the process of getting the answer with the questioner - that keeps the conversation going and engaging.

have you read "a year with swollen appendices?" by Brian Eno?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Year_with_Swollen_Appendices

Mr. Eno has long been a believer in slow thinking, in fact it might be a really important thing to work on globally..http://longnow.org/about/

I am a slow thinker. I take time to formulate a response in my head before anything comes out of my mouth. Occasionally, I couldn't even have a response and I just shrug or laugh it off. Over the years, I felt disadvantaged in many business and social conversations - especially those in a group. A lot of times if you aren't able to say something right at the moment, you miss the opportunity to make a point or to influence the conversation. I am trying really hard to think faster and speak faster, but I still feel I am miles behind from those who are naturally "interesting" or "quick-witted". I hope to see if you have any advice for people like me. Thanks.

Decided? No, we've only just finished saying good morning.

wow. WOW. wow wow wow. reading this feels like a new pathway in my brain just opened, and I would like to say I know why.

you CAN choose to say I dont know. you CAN choose to say ill think about it and tell you the next time this topic comes up. As idioctic as it sounds i didnt know one could say no in such situations.

Im reading tools of titans and by far mr. Sivers, i have done a lot of highlighting on your pages. really , thank you for sharing SUCH cool thoughts!

if you were to read this, i wish you have a superbly fantastically awesome day.

loads of love,
sandeep from hong kong

HELL YEAH!

I relate!

I have known for some time that I am slow thinker. I sometimes react and forget this fact. I 'reacted' to a discussion that was very tense, between my wife and I and this has lead to a load of stuff being said and this has lead to us being apart for over 8 weeks and a possible permanent break in the marriage. I am learning the hard lesson that I too am a 'slow thinker' and when I push a fast response, it usually has a much higher degree of the law of unintended consequences being applied to the issue. Be yourself and don't keep trying to play any other game that you think is expected from others or society. I am grateful that I have learned this now and will try to be 'slow' and think more before speaking.

I am a slow thinker as well. Anxious too at that. I realized my predicament after attending few job interviews. Handling them is a pure nightmare for me and more often than not I come across as dumb and empty headed. :-(

I'm a slow thinker as well, anxious one too at that. I realized my predicament after attending a few job interviews and more often than not I come across as unintelligent and empty-headed. :-( It's putting me down.

There would be disconnect amounts people

Realizing others share similar traits helps one to feel not so isolated.

Thanks, Derek, for sharing and providing an opportunity for others to open up.

Now, back to reading your page on how to do a first OpenBSD install.

Hello Derek! I came to this page while doing research on releasing my first song. I had just finished reading the lengthy Publishing Services Agreement on the CD Baby website, and had decided that I should check out Distrokid's services. Being also a slow thinker, I am having trouble trying to decide what to say here; however, suffice to say, I get it! I am a debt averse, wanting to help my customers, not handing over my rights, not wanting a "complicated" business relationship with any company, kind of person. I see a lot of ways that I can improve my approach to distributing my music in your approach to life & business. I will be looking out for your book! Thanks! Anna.

I can completely map to this and would wonder if I can/should change in any way. And then in one of the trainings that my company organized I got to know about this: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-5

It helped me understand myself better.

Might be more interesting if we could speed past the pointy bits of reading too much in to the speedy reply, and have a real emotional dialog. That could mean we would be able to give up on slowing things down to consider all angles, and be prepared spin the wheel of uncertainty as to the possible outcomes of the exchange. Just tying this out now (posting) feels a bit slow and deliberate. I long for the ability to have some sort of interesting conversation that helps me understand someone else better. This is far from my abilities as well, as I find things that I miss in casual conversation that others point out to me later.

You have said something out loud that I always felt embarrassed to talk about. I've seen people some up with new ideas or thoughts spontaneously that I couldn't have come up with. But I too am a slow thinker and take my time to bring out new thoughts on something. Thanks for this, just what I wanted to hear.

Think before you speak. Good idea!

https://www.xlibris.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-001233536

This is spot on. Spent a fair amount of time criticizing myself for procrastination only to realize timing is as important a variable in success as effort. If you don't let the immediacy of time dominate it can empower you to let the noise fade to the background. It's an amazing sieve for the patient. I'm learning to be better at communicating and being more present in the decision to put something on the back burner vs letting it float.

Reminds me of a new jam by Mark Knopfler:

"Slow Learner"

Take a listen

Hi Derek,

Thank you for expressing your thoughts on this subject.

I totally understand you, and I am also exactly like this. I always felt awkward in these situations where people expect you to be reactive, or to have the answers ready right away.

This article helped me build some self-confidence in such situations. Thank you!

One thing that I started experiencing lately is the opportunity to discuss a possible asnwer with the people who asked the question(s). It is also a good and fascinating experience. Of course, it happens in some specific contexts, where people have at least a minimum openning for discussing topics.

Aramis.

Love this post.

I often say:" Give me a while and I'll have an answer". At some point the different pieces tend to congeal and I find clarity about the specifics of the question and have (an) answer(s).

This little blurb has made me feel less strange; thank you for the great technique of asking for interview questions in advance, that's an awesome idea! It's so hard to take the time needed to think "at speed" in today's world. It's easy for me to stress out about how I should reply to questions posed in conversation because I'm constantly coming up with the perfect retort - but hours or even days later, and that is annoying! I often feel like the absent-minded professor with all the random thoughts I have bouncing around in my head. Taking time to organize my brain sounds like a very promising idea.

You ever get your human design chart?

Derek, this is me too... I mean I can be quick witted but I can also live to regret that as well. I’m new to the position I’m in and find myself feeling like an imposter most of the time. I come across as confident because I’m normally well rehearsed. Anyways I just wanted to say I appreciate this post about you and can relate.

I'd be happy to send questions
I think it's good to think about things
I usually just emotionally react like you are talking about :)

Hi Derek,

I am glad I am not the only one. I mean, despite being impulsive sometimes, I am slow thinker, or better said, I consider myself as a slow thinker!

i have enjoyed reading your story and the story "We'll see".

Interesting thought

I am old enough to remember when people would want a snap answer—regardless of the time available to think and discuss, whether five minutes or fifty minutes—to the question of "Should we have troops in Vietnam?"

What if folks had said, "That is a big topic. Is there an aspect we could discuss? ... I've been thinking about a form of getting involved that is nonmilitary... I've been thinking of what "reaching hearts and minds" might mean...

I have tremendous respect for my subconscious, but it only pops stuff up when I am still.

It’s so refreshing to see this. Such a hard habit to break, blurting out whatever system 1 has on the tip of its tongue. Thanks for the reminder to slow down and really digest questions and thoughts and perspectives. Just reading your section from a Tim Ferris’s book, tools of titans, and loving every word.

It's a breath of fresh air to read your posts!

I can relate to the slow thinking. We perfectionists have to marinate on the idea before it’s ready to be food for thought.

I've been searching for a couple of days for a nakedly honest statement about being slow in a fast-paced world and a defiant, confident response that it's the way I am. I've had the nakedly honest statement on one other website. Your short article, with one example, is the defiant, confident one. Thank you. I don't feel the need to be nakedly honest to the world but I definitely to face it as I am like you have in these words.

Loved it !
Your authenticity is very strong in your writing .

Loved ur statement “ Your first reaction is outdated “. I totally agree with you as thats what happens with me too. If Im given time , I can come up with many different perspectives.
Thanks for sharing this .

“Fast is fine, but accuracy is final.”

― Wyatt Earp

I relate with this slow thinking so much

Thanks, Derek.

I noticed that when I react or try to answer immediately, it is mostly an emotional response. "Let me think about it" is an excellent idea. It worked well almost every time I tried it.

In that spirit, perhaps you should have a "Save Draft" in your comment section :) Just kidding. I came here because I heard you on Shane's podcast. A lot of what you said resonated, especially the freedom to change your mind.

This is me, all of the time. I keep coming back to this article hoping for an answer to how to handle those situations where a quick answer in-the-moment is really needed.

Just yesterday, I had a long car ride chat with my 14 year old about how she doesn't really plan what she is going to say before she starts talking, and it made me think of this again. Happily, she seems to have no problem with both thinking deeply and quickly. She loves chatting about deep stuff on these long rides, but maybe I'll have to convince her to plan out some topics ahead of time with me so I can be ready.

It's a good feeling when you realize your kids are smarter than you. That means you're doing your job correctly, right?

[Side note: how many of us slow-thinkers commenting here rewrote their comment many times to make sure it was perfect before sending it? :) ]

I found your musings provocative. It reminds me of Kahneman and Twersky's "Thinking Fast and Slow" Our gut reaction may be accurate. On the other hand the topic needing an opinion may require some cognitive reflection.

With the prominence of Black Lives Matter, I as a South African, have been deliberating on this topice: "Which police force is the most racist - that of the USA, or that of SA".

The Apartheid System in many ways legalised police force. Does that make it more accpetable? In America, force by the authorities is not legalised. However the more I learn about the police force in the USA the more shocked I am at their discrimatlry practices.

At the moment I am reading Valerie Kaur's "See no Stranger." I am shocked to learn how the Sikh community were treated post 9/11

Love that. I always thought i am the only slow thinker im this galaxy. Makes me feel better :).

Yaaas! this is me exactly.

i naturally want to ponder things from many perspectives before jumping in. sometimes i feel i write my life in headlines as ideas form to whirl in my blender brain. this is the smart thing to do i beleive. But it does not play well in the 3-second, must-use-current-buzz-words corporate world we live in currently. business leaders are nervous and insecure so as it is so often, r

all of us are at such a moment of change i feel. how exciting is that? i love that retail communication is a combination of design/words, personality and sociology. it will reboot better. even though so many are losing their jobs, i am energized by what retail could look like if we choose to pause to think before trying to make the 'new normal'. this is what i am thinking through now while i edit my linkedin profile, update my job seeking responses and angst over whether i'm good enough.
You know, all the painful things we very self aware people do to ourselves.

Ha!
Very cool!
I thought I was the only one.
Slow to realize I was being ripped off slow to retaliate....need a few moments to myself to think in a crisis.

Not a kneejerk person, but life has shown me that I usually make the right decisions, because I don't panic.
Leaving one job, the boss thanked me for my "considered input" . I take that as a big compliment, and hadnt thought about it like that before.

I like your "wait a moment" type responses, and plan to recite them for further use 👍,😎

Hi Derek. I've had your site saved as a bookmark for the longest time and my initial intent was to use your list of books as reference in choosing the next book to read. As I navigate your website, I wanted to find out a little bit about you and why I had saved your book list in the first place. It's been too long and I do not remember. As I found the "About Me" page, I could not agree any more with everything you've described. Your preference in caring deeply in very little and also believing that you're wasting time when you do not feel productive. Also, staying away from anything that may be addictive such as social media. You have perfectly and confidently described how I had felt but never had the courage to face because I was never able to find common ground in others with how I've felt. To some, I may seem like an extrovert from first impression but my outgoing and inquisitiveness may only last for a limit of 3 hours as well. After so, I need alone time. I felt 'found' somehow because never had words resonant so closely to how I had deeply felt but locked inside. Of course, I Googled you as I still do not remember how I had come about your page and why I had saved the site. Then, I realized, we share the same birthday, September 23rd. It's funny how they say twins born on the same day may have different personalities and temperament so I never believe there may be any correlation between a person's trait and their birthdates. I suppose I could reconsider. Thank you for being so open in sharing who you are and for bringing to light that it is okay to be a slow thinker.

"I can't say just yet" is a good response when someone asks you something that you need time to digest. To me, it says "Your question deserves a well thought-out response and I would like to take the time to ponder it. Let's circle back in the near future and I'll give you my thoughtful response." I picked this up in the great show Joe Pera Talks With You in the "Joe Pera Takes You To Breakfast" episode!

Hi, I am like you! and this is awful in job interview!!! After interview, I found the answers, but the time was past!

Totally agree. I have always been envious of people who can consider something well and respond almost immediately.

This article reminds me of Blackadder III...
George: Why, only the other day Prime Minister Pitt called me an idle scrounger. It wasn't until ages later that I thought how clever it could have been to have said, "Oh bugger off, you old fart!" I need to improve my mind Blackadder. I want people to say, "That George, why he's as clever as a stick in a bucket of pig swill."

I can relate to this so well.

I see where I have three comments here. I guess the subject strikes a nerve.

Here's a related thing: Some of us are slow deciders, too. (Deciding and integrating is a form of thinking)

Robert Townsend, author of Up The Organization, had respect for his executives. And I have respect for Townsend, since he took a company that had been 12 years or more in red (losing money, typewriter ribbons used to have two colours) and in just one year as the president got it into the black.

He said that during a meeting, some of his executives would say they had to go home and sleep on it. He learned to respect this, and would wait to see what they had to say when they came in the next day.

...
Meanwhile, Derek, you would like his book, for espousing common sense that still is not common. One of his tricks, which I got my own CEO into doing, is that every new company form (such as for requisitioning pencils, or reporting that no one had been harrassed today) had to be filled out, in full, by the CEO. (not by the CEO's assistant) This cut down on too-complex or too inappropriate paperwork.

Oops, that last sentence sounds too official. I meant to say, "to avoid silly stupid red tape." Not as official, but it means the same thing.

This came up on my LinkedIn feed, and I am so grateful that it did as I find it deeply relatable and affirming. Thank you.

Thank you for being a fellow slow thinker and articulating the case with such clarity. A few pages ago in HYoN, I thought about my public persona, and how whether or not I have a strong initial response I’m often curious about it and the question, and revisit the whole thing with thought and nuance... for which I’m also known. As I’m moving toward having the confidence to promise a later opinion rather than offer an immediate one, this helps me give myself permission.

I have often regretted my speech but never my silence. - A famous philosopher.

I learned to think straight and i got answer of a lot of my questions which was ruining me inside but, now i can think

One of the best things I have read so far. It happens to me all the time, I am glad that I am not alone. And the best if next, I have explained it to someone, I can send them this.

Magna nesciunt null

Loved this! Naturally a slow(er) processor who likes to deliberate more. Habitual and reflex responses are unfortunately the default mode to somehow get to a ‘pre-set’ outcome.

Some good points. As a thinker on the other edge, I would however like to stress that it's not black and white. A spontaneous reaction might not be outdated, but just the result of another thinking/brain/personality type . In a brainstorming, some people jump first, others later, others need to get back a couple of days later. The richness is the variety and complementarity of the brains and personality types.