Freedom is so important to me that it appears in my mantra that I recite at least twice daily.

When I reflect on my life, I notice how the lack of freedom served as motivation to pursue a goal or as my catalyst to change in every pivotal transition of my life.

When my parents prevented me from doing what I wanted to do or denied funds for my fun, it charged me to want to do what I needed to get out of their domain and into my free world where I could come and go as I pleased with my money. Freedom means being able to go where I want and independently pay my way.

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As an adult, I reflect on women I observed during my adolescence who stayed in relationships and marriages where they were controlled by their spouses. At the time, I didn’t realize those observations were shaping me. As I analyze myself and try to determine the source of my resolute mentality, characteristics, and feminist behaviors, I have assessed that witnessing that oppression made me work hard so that I am never in that situation. For example, I can clearly remember watching The Color Purple and thinking, “I know damn well she ain’t cooking, cleaning, taking care of his children, and giving him sex and she can’t check the mail for letters from her sister?” Ooh! That still triggers me because it’s painfully close to another situation I directly observed. Freedom means having my own so that no one can oppress me under the security of welfare — financially or mentally.

So, I successfully graduated from college, secured a well-paying career that afforded an independent lifestyle, and obtained freedom. That is until I began being jerked by the “lack of freedom” chain differently.

I was in a long-term relationship where I truly loved my spouse. We worked through a five-year relationship as 20-somethings pretty well, as we both continued to discover ourselves and each other. One thing I learned is that I like to go when I want to go, and I want to be with someone who enjoys to go, as well. I especially value when my spouse plans our “go’s” — from dates to day trips to extended vacations. I recall dragging my spouse on my birthday trip. I recall begging for dates. I recall us not going to the beach upon my request, but going when he was invited by work friends. I literally told him one day, “I am tired of eating Popeye’s in front of the tv.” Toward the end of our relationship, I asked to go to New York to experience the Christmas season. He came up with reasons to not go. Guess what? I went anyway. (Remember, this was the end of our relationship, so I was fed up.) Within a few months of our relationship ending, I had my first solo international trip, a solo Bahamas cruise, and solo fine dining dates where I met incredible people that offered great conversation. I also took solo spontaneous day (or night) trips to neighboring cities for a good time. Freedom meant not needing a “yes” from someone to “go” enjoy my life. That also includes not planning with people (asking for a “yes”), hence all the solo excursions.

Several times throughout my career, I was victim to management-mandated moves that took me out of my comfort zone and off my planned career path. The moves were not bad, and it all worked out in the end. However, I did not like being blindsided and denied an opportunity to have input on my career path. I recall coming back from a work trip and my boss telling me that I was being moved to a different team. I was very passionate about my project, and I liked my team. I did not want to be on the other team. Fortunately, I had been networking with other leaders in our organization and had another opportunity in my queue. So, when the chain of “lack of freedom” pulled at my neck, I pulled back and took the other opportunity that was more exciting and progressive for my career. Freedom means being able to call my own shots and make my own moves.

On that note, as I have grown older, I feel like a part of me suffers every time I have to clear my planned, or unplanned, absence with management. I just don’t like having to explain myself or ask to take time off. It’s the “mother/father may I” for me. It takes me back to asking my parents if I could go to a party or have an extended curfew. I’m too grown for that. Yes, that is the policy in every organization because my absence affects others, but that does not change how I feel about doing it. I don’t even let my mama keep up with me like that anymore. Freedom means not having to tell anyone where I am (or am not) or what I am doing (or not doing) every day.

The first half of this year came with some unforeseen challenges that opened my eyes to my health. Without going into details, those events made me do a total shift in my life. I no longer report to anyone. I am on a cleanse (that will likely become my lifestyle) of organic, vegan, gluten-free foods. I pray and read scripture every day. Freedom is having me. Freedom is having my perfect health — mind, body, and spirit.

I got misty-eyed as I wrote that last sentence, so I think it is the appropriate place to end this article. I believe that last sentence is the one that sums it all up and is my heart’s greatest desire.