Summary.    Even the most effective leaders recognize how much is outside of their control, but one thing we all have agency over is how we communicate with others. Clearly articulated requests, the kinds that elicit real responses, don’t come naturally to most of us. As it...

If there was ever a time when leaders could simply issue commands and consider them done, now is most certainly not that time. We live in a world of flattened organizational structures, cross-functional teams, and workplace cultures that value collaboration, autonomy, and sensitivity. In my work coaching executives at companies and nonprofits over the past 20 years, I’ve observed that leaders increasingly find themselves having to make requests in order to get stuff done. And more often than not, they don’t know how to do it.

In a work setting, I think of requests as anything you’d like someone to do, but you don’t have the managerial authority to assign them to do. Perhaps you need something from a colleague in another department. Or maybe you want to ask a direct report to do work outside of their job description. Demands don’t work. When we issue them, we tell someone what to do — the only acceptable response is a “yes.” This can be alienating for the recipient, who may feel robbed of agency or disempowered. When we make a request, we ask someone to take a certain action; this can build connection, as the recipient is taken into consideration and has a voice in the process.

As it turns out, there’s an art to the request. Those who haven’t mastered this art are likely to find their entreaties met with what I call the “non-response response”: I’ll look into that. I’ll try. Great idea. Let’s put a pin in it.

Here’s why requests are so hard to make, what so many leaders are still getting wrong, and a handful of strategies for issuing requests that elicit concrete, actionable responses.

Why Requests Are So Hard to Make

Often, leaders feel that by the time they make a request and explain what it entails, they could have just done the work themselves. Or they don’t make requests because they feel they shouldn’t have to: Shouldn’t my employee know that they need to submit their own performance review before I submit mine? Shouldn’t they know that clients must receive an agenda 24 hours before a meeting? But they often don’t — leaving the task undone and the leader stewing.

These days, leaders may be more sensitive to potentially offending employees or appearing to encroach on their work-life balance. I’ve observed that there can be a generational element to this dynamic: Workers who built their careers in an era where success meant anticipating the boss’s every need may be managing employees who don’t have the same instincts.

When leaders do issue requests, they often dilute them in an effort to appear light-handed. But clear, well-articulated requests are good for everyone. Here’s how to master this under-considered art.

The Five Elements of Effective Requests

Drawing on the perspective of author Chalmers Brothers, as put forth in his excellent book Language and the Pursuit of Happiness, we can break the request into five components:

1. What do you want?

One of my leadership coaching clients, an investment banking executive, was looking to hire a consultant but was dissatisfied with the weak proposals he received. Where was the pricing structure? Where was the timeline? Upon reflection, the executive realized he hadn’t actually listed the elements each proposal should require. After spelling everything out, including details he firmly believed should be obvious, he found himself with an abundance of compelling options.

2. Who do you want it from?

When you make a request to a team, too often each person assumes someone else will do the work. At a real estate firm’s senior leadership meeting, the CEO proposed a special staff appreciation celebration to cap a difficult year. Everyone was enthusiastic, including the chief of staff and the VP for talent — each of whom left the meeting assuming the other would take the lead. In this case, the CEO could have strengthened their request by assigning a specific point person to take charge.

3. When do you want it by?

This is especially tricky for global teams working remotely. What do we mean by COB, when many businesses never really close? Is EOD the end of the day in California, New York, or Singapore? Is it 5 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Central, or midnight in Los Angeles? Is “by the end of the week” midday Friday or 11:59 p.m. Sunday? ASAP is another meaningless acronym begging to be spelled out, as the requester and requestee may have wildly divergent definitions of “soon” and “possible.” Is ASAP 30 minutes after the meeting ends, or in two weeks? When requests have a crystal-clear timeline, leaders save time and energy that might otherwise be spent rechecking their inboxes and mentally preparing to do the work themselves.

4. What are the conditions of satisfaction?

On many teams, there’s one self-appointed devil’s advocate whose comments, while valid, may stifle free, creative thinking among less-senior team members. Requesting that they be “more positive” or “more optimistic” is unlikely to yield results, especially if the employee genuinely feels they’re being helpful. Instead, leaders may have more success spelling out the specific conditions of satisfaction in discussions. For example, they might request that at the next all-hands meeting, the self-appointed devil’s advocate practice the “three before me” rule, waiting for three others to offer input before speaking. Or they may request that the team member offer two positive pieces of input before issuing a critique.

5. What’s the context?

By contextualizing their requests, leaders improve the chances that they’ll land gently — without diluting their power. Context can clarify why certain deadlines are important, even when they seem arbitrary. Maybe a report needs to be shared with the client by 5 p.m. Wednesday because the CEO is going on vacation Thursday morning. Maybe an agenda needs to be shared by 6 p.m. Sunday because the CEO likes to review it Sunday night and again Monday morning to ensure it’s complete.

Pushing Back on Non-Responses

There are four acceptable responses to a properly worded request: accepting, declining, making a counteroffer (“I can’t get it to you by Tuesday, but I can get it to you by 6 p.m. Wednesday”), and a committed delay (“I’ll get back to you with an answer by noon on Friday”). If you’re not getting one of those responses, you’re probably getting a non-response — and your request may go unheeded.

Here are some all-too-common non-response responses, courtesy of my own experience and that of clients, colleagues, and social media crowdsourcing:

That should work.
I’ll circle back to you.
Let me check with X.
Sounds good.
I’ll do my best.
I’ll put someone on that.
I’ll see what I can do.
Great idea.

When you get a non-response, put the ball back in your own court: Let the person know when you’ll be following up to get their firm response. For example: “Great. Should I follow up with you in two days to see who you’ve assigned?” or “Perfect. How’s Tuesday afternoon for a quick Zoom to pin down whether you can take this on?”

Requests That Yield Results

Even the most effective leaders recognize how much is outside of their control, but one thing we all have agency over is how we communicate with others. Clearly articulated requests, the kinds that elicit real responses, don’t come naturally to most of us. But with time, they will. The art of requests is an art worth mastering.