I wake up. It’s 7:30 a.m. I had a nightmare. Serhiy and I were hiding from Russian drones in an old abandoned building. The drones were targeting us, specifically. We survived. It was scary. The nightmare is over-imposed on reality. They collide. They make up the routine of war.

An air raid alert has been on since 6 a.m. Strange, but nothing new. I have to catch a bus to Cherkasy at 10 a.m. I’m going there to apply for a residency permit. I need to eat and pack stuff. I still have plenty of time. I play Xenoblade Chronicles 3 on Nintendo Switch. I’m more than halfway through the game. It’s a bit of a routine, too. More routine, and less exciting. Our fridge isn’t quite a restaurant. All we have for today is tofu, potatoes, carrots and iceberg lettuce. I’ll have that. It was edible. I’m satiated.

It’s 8:15 am. It’s time to make coffee to take on a trip to Cherkasy. I take a ceramic cone. I take a filter bag. I take… BANG BANG YOU SHOT ME DOWN. What? What’s happened? Serhiy yells something ineligible from the bedroom. I’ve just heard two very loud bangs. We have a construction site nearby our house. Did something happen there? I take three spoonfuls of coffee and add them to the filter bag. I pour hot water. I leave it to drip all the way down in the cup.

So what was that?

Serhiy reads something about explosions in the centre of Kyiv. Those bangs were so loud. It felt close. We live not far away from the city centre.

Okay, I need to go.

I’m going to pop into a supermarket where rich people buy their produce. I go there because it’s close, I need water and they have tasty chickpea chips. I’m on my way there. I read the news. It’s true. Russian rockets fell right in the centre of the Ukrainian capital. There’s Taras Shevchenko National University of Kyiv. It’s red. Is there any blood now? Can you see blood on red? There’s a park. It’s beautiful there. Tranquil. Busy with people, usually. What do I feel? Uneasy. Shocked. Used to?

I pay. I leave the shop. I wait for the taxi. I get to the metro “Kharkivska”. My bus hasn’t arrived yet. Everything is closed. I need to pee so bad. I’m looking for a place to do my business. BANG BANG YOU SHOT ME DOWN. AGAIN? I see two massive explosions right in front of me. Smoke. Smoke. Pretty clouds of smoke go up. I still need to pee. I find an isolated corner. I pee. I feel like a dog. Primitive nature.

I take a picture of the smoke. I make a video of the smoke. Some people around me smoke cigarettes. I send my tiny documentaries to people. I hide under a bridge. This is quite mad — wait for the bus or go to the metro station to hide? Are they going to strike me right here? This bridge for the Crimean one? Are those Russian drones targeting me, specifically? I’m afraid I’ll miss my bus. I’ll stay. It’s either I die or I catch a bus and go to Cherkasy.

Do you know what’s quite disgusting? The routine of war makes you excited for the days like this one. Not necessarily in a happy way. You feel absurdly excited that something is happening. Otherwise, it’s just depressing, just hopeless most of the time. Today people will read about Ukraine again. Today people in other countries will be reminded that people in Ukraine still live in the routine of war. Tomorrow we’ll be living in that routine again. But maybe the day after something will happen again? Maybe the day after tomorrow Russia will finally fall into the infernal abyss of its own making, irretrievably.

Finally.

Here’s my bus to Cherkasy.