I don’t know the right way to live.

Most nights I go to bed turning questions over in my mind: What do I want? Who do I want with me? What returns me to myself? Anything that will give me a clue as to what on earth I’m supposed to be doing.

Sometimes it feels like the only people who might actually have a hold on that answer are those who whisper: no one does. But I refuse to accept that as well.

It’s overwhelming knowing that you only get to experience this life once, and there are so many versions of yourself you will likely never meet.

How can we know if we’re picking the right one, if that’s even possible? And what about all the experiences and circumstances that might push us one way or another?

Having choice is possibly our most important and consequential blessing, and yet no one seems to talk about what happens after the fact. That absolute panic you feel when you get to where you’ve been wanting to go and realize this path you’ve chosen isn’t what you thought it would be. It’s a moment that happens mid-conversation with someone you’ve been meaning to connect with, or while finally discussing the plan for a project you thought would excite you. Possibly, even, in the middle of a kiss: this isn’t it.

That’s the thing about being young and having to make decisions — you don’t yet know what you want. You can make bets based on what you think you’ll find fulfilling, and maybe a little by what your parents tell you, but the truth is you have no idea. Never having had the opportunity to observe ourselves in a myriad of situations, we are forced to work off incomplete sets of information.

Does that make regret inevitable?

Elizabeth Wurtzel wrote, It is hard for me to remember a life that was so cocksure, so free of self-doubt, so pure in its certainty.

I think this is the unavoidable point.

I believe that everyone reading this wants more than good enough. That, like me, you think having to choose sucks. You want the version of yourself that you are becoming to be the best version to walk your life thus far. Ideally, without having to close any doors in case you change your mind down the road.

Too much to ask?

The truth about being young and ambitious is that it’s going through life sacrificing for something that isn’t gonna pay off for years, if it all. It’s making connections and letting them go, trusting that the right ones will come back to you. Sometimes it’s walking alone. It’s accepting the loss of known good things that might’ve been enough — might’ve fulfilled you — in the off chance that something even better lies ahead. It’s getting used to the feeling of goodbye. It’s taking the road less traveled, baby.

Is it possible to have it all, then?

I don’t know the right way to live, obviously. But I can tell you that the moments in which I’m sure I have lived, not just existed, are those in which I’ve done the scary thing. Made the choice and dealt with the consequences, allowed myself to feel even if it meant hurting — especially when it meant hurting — looked stupid for trying something new.

So this is, at 20 years old, how I think you should do it. These are my Life Hacks, for approaching your one precious shot.

Because maybe having it all doesn’t look like what we thought it might.

We have the astounding and incredible luck to exist at all, at this perfect moment in time. Take your insignificance as the key to your liberation.

Getting burned is simply an occupational hazard of putting yourself out there. The most painful thing is actually knowing that you didn’t give it a try — that you’ve left life on the table.

Signs that you’re on the right path: chills, a feeling of rightness, peace.

Brave while scared, trusting while hurt, vulnerable while unsure, kind when disrespected, committed when weary, faithful despite circumstance — this is winning even when you lose.

Your life is for no one else — you are your only audience.

I do not know whether it is better to feel deeply and be vulnerable, or to be in control of your emotions. I have been in both positions and I think both have served me well. I can only tell you that you must do whichever scares you.

Your feelings are your responsibility.

Make the choice to let go, even if that means letting people misunderstand you. In my experience, a painful goodbye usually leads to an even better hello.

The solution is never to stop taking risks. On that note, travel every chance you get.

Sometimes people will get mad at you for doing what is best for yourself. That is neither your concern nor your problem.

You can’t compare your life to that of someone who has an entirely different set of priorities than you do.

If it costs you your peace it is too expensive.

Find that person around whom you feel like your personality is intact and tell them you appreciate them often. Never let them go.

There are worse ways to spend your time than bumming around with your best friend while you have them near.

As Warren Buffett said, you can always tell someone to fuck off tomorrow.

One of the biggest parts of growing up is being okay with who you are. Looking at your talents and limitations and childhood and experiences and thinking, Okay this is the hand I’ve been dealt, what can I do with it? Then the real work begins.

The life you want will likely ask you to go after it. I’ve never seen a dream fall in anybody’s lap.

Live unapologetically, confidently, humbly, and with intention. Never get used to poor treatment and surround yourself with love and acceptance. Hard things are worth doing.

DISCLAIMER. I’m in no real position to be doling out advice on how to live, considering I’ve only experienced a fraction of mine. Your life is yours, of course, so only take what you find useful, but I had to put it out there. This is simply a compilation of every piece of advice that has brought me closer to becoming the woman I think I want to be, and maybe that’s worth sharing.