So we’re 2 TV series and a couple of trailers into phase 4 of the MCU and it’s pretty clear to me already that we could be on a sinking ship. Even after hearing initially what Marvel had in store for us shortly after Avengers: Endgame, I got a bad feeling. That feeling could be summed up in one word, which is still at the top of my mind:

Meh.

There was very little “meh” when it came to phases 1 through 3 of the MCU. You were invested in the characters, the storylines all melded together and it was exciting. Every movie that came out had a lot of anticipation behind it. Phase 4 is the exact opposite: none of the characters are compelling, and a lot of the stories are, well, meh. We’re getting the sidekicks and supporting cast from phases 1–3, you know, the ones that weren’t charismatic enough to have their own movies in the first place, and the new characters I feel as though they’re trying to make happen.

Kinda like Gretchen Weiners with “fetch.”

Thing is, I don’t care about Wanda or Vision. I don’t care about Jane Foster or the Eternals. I don’t care about Captain Marvel. Loki is interesting because it’s Tom Hiddleston and Owen Wilson. Black Widow? Where the fuck was this movie in phase 2 or 3 when it should have been? She’s been dead for 2 years now, it’s lost its entire purpose for existing.

I did watch Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and it was ok. I didn’t love it, but it was something to look forward to while I ate my breakfast on a Saturday morning. Speaking to other people I know — all of whom are Marvel fans, the prevailing sentiment could be summed up thusly:

“Yeah…it’s pretty good.”

There’s just no real enthusiasm from anyone, even the most die hard Marvel fans. The leads were ok, the story was ok, the villain kinda sucked. The best part of it was Zemo.

On top of that, there is just some dick brained stuff in phase 4 which makes me wonder what they were thinking:

• Hawkeye, which will be about his daughter assuming the mantle. I’ve got news for you Marvel, no one gave a shit about Hawkeye in the first place. He’s the only one of the big 6 who didn’t get a movie. Why do we care about his daughter?
• Quantummania — One Ant Man was enough. 2 was pushing it. No one is paying money to watch a third.
• Shang Chi — Way to obviously court the Chinese market, except, that’s not working out well for Marvel so far. And no one knows or cares about this character either except for die hard comic fans. Considering this is the first Asian superhero we’re seeing on screen, I was expecting him to be far more “super,” yet so far this feels kinda tacked on. I hope I’m wrong.

The big issue here is that because they had such success with Guardians of the Galaxy, Marvel possibly thinks they can elevate any obscure character from their pages to silver screen stardom. That’s not the case though. Guardians was a uniquely quirky movie that no one saw coming. Iron Man may have been a B-tier character from Marvel, but with Robert Downey Jr, he’s larger than life and with advancements in CGI, was actually the perfect character for the current era.

Eternals — the most lackluster teaser trailer in the history of cinema

Seriously, I have never been so bored and at the same time, so confused watching a teaser trailer. First of all, Salma Hayek’s character says “we’ve never interfered…until now.”

While showing several scenes of them interfering throughout history.

Uhh ok. That then begs the question: where were you guys when Thanos was collecting infinity gems to snap away half the life in the universe? What, that wasn’t a big enough reason for you to interfere? What’s the new threat that’s so bad it’s even worse?

But let’s put the confused messaging aside. This is literally the most boring, uninspired teaser I’ve ever seen. A teaser is supposed to tease — to excite, to make you want to know more. I wasn’t excited, and I certainly couldn’t give a shit whether I know more or not.

The writing was on the wall for me as soon as they announced the cast. Marvel has generally gone with non A-listers, so when you have Angelina Jolie and Selma Hayek, that starts raising red flags. Add Robb Stark and Jon Snow to the mix and the alarms start blaring. Methinks you don’t have an interesting, compelling idea, and you need some star power to actually pull people into the theatres.

No one outside of comic geeks even know or care who the eternals are either. This isn’t going to end well for Marvel.

Thor: Love and Thunder

Wow, way to completely screw the pooch here guys. There has been literally no focus on the guy the freaking movie is named after, it’s all been about Natalie Portman becoming the “female Thor.” Taika Waititi’s involvement aside, I get the feeling this is going to be a huge misstep and bring Thor’s story crashing down. Why?

People go to a Thor movie because they love Thor, not to watch Jane fucking Foster become some stupid alternate version. Thor isn’t just some random Marvel character either, he’s from the pantheon of Norse gods for crying out loud. He’s not a sidekick, but at this stage it sure feels like it. Maybe I’ll be proven wrong, I sure hope so.

Let’s talk about the big elephant in the room here though, and that’s Jane Foster becoming “worthy.” The buildup in phases 1–3 of Captain America, the absolute paragon of virtue and worthiness, lifting Mjolnir was a long one. It was teased. We suspected it could happen, might happen. When he finally did it, it was such a satisfying payoff, because Steve had proven over and over again that he had the qualities to make him worthy — even in the eyes of the Asgardian King.

So what, Jane Foster is worthy now too? Because you just decided? Guess anyone can be now huh? Ugh, you know what, I don’t even give enough of a shit to keep talking about it.

The most important ingredient is missing

What made the first three phases of the MCU so compelling was the big 3: Iron Man, Captain America and Thor. Three completely different superheroes on incredibly different journeys. They represented different aspects of our own psyches. We cheered them on as individuals in their own movies, watched with glee their interactions in Avengers films and took sides and argued over who was right in Captain America: Civil War.

There are no characters with a strong enough presence or story in phase 4 to pique our interest. Benedict Cumberbatch as Dr Strange is a maybe because of his acting chops, although with Kevin Feige straight up saying he has an issue with white men in mentoring/leadership roles, odds are he’ll be relegated to the background. Brie Larson as Captain Marvel is about as popular as a bottle of Jack Daniels at an AA meeting, with the charisma of a plank of wood. Tom Holland as Spiderman is way too young, so that leaves…who exactly?