某南亚半岛人民的邮件

谢益辉 / 2017-11-27

今年早些时候轩哥在感叹找工作需要为自己打广告而感到羞愧的时候，我批评了他的这种心理。该为自己打广告就得打，我的论点是，如果像轩哥这么厉害的人都不包装自己找个好工作，那将来地球真的就要被那些什么本事都没有、只会用嘴遁的人占领了。换句话说，轩哥要是因为在意自己的“清白”而找不到一个好工作，就是对不起这个世界。我随手举了一个例子，看三哥们是怎么联系我的，由此大概也可见为什么在美帝三哥崛起迅速，而低调的华人似乎总是没地位。这是一份我的常见的 LinkedIn 站内信：

Hello,

I hope you are doing well! I am passionate data scientist. I have 1+ year of research experience as Data scientist. I have 7+ years of experience in IT. I would be so appreciative if you review my profile and let me know if there is any opportunity for me as I am looking for Job.

Regards
…

然而我压根儿就不认识你啊。

今日又收到一封类似的邮件（这类邮件已经收到过好些），标题是“i want to learn programming”。我一看标题的 i 小写我就知道完了，这种懒得按 Shift 键的人我也一样懒得搭理。更不必说邮件内容让人不忍直视：

Hello sir,
Iam XX from India i want to learn programming, just i know concepts of c language but i need help of you to make me learn programming skills. I dnot want to go any other institutes to learn languages. You are best programmer U can teach me programming so that i can gain more knowledge about programming. I think u are the most busy person in world but i want to learn programming help me i Dont have any other option iam like a kid just teach me programming concepts so that i can grow and become adult in programming concepts, i have completed post graduate in CSE and i dnot have skills can u explain me via Skype or any other video conference that enough just spend half hour on me on a day so that i can learn a lot. Day by Day iam getting depressed because i dont have job and i dont have skills. i can see only one person to help in programming that is you. Just help me sir all my hopes on you.

Thank you sir

首先是 “Hello sir” 一看就是群发，连个姓名称呼都没有。”Iam” 中间不空格，这样的邮件我能看到这里可以说已经是仁至义尽了。考虑到人家也许真的是穷困潦倒来求助的，忍着一堆语法问题以及缺失标点符号换不过气来继续看完。一贯的南亚半岛浮夸风以及伸手党风：“你是棒棒哒，我是矬矬哒，麻烦你每天花半个小时帮我学习编程吧，你是我唯一的希望！”

我踏马要是你唯一的希望，你还能连个姓名称呼都没有？

求助当然可以，请先摆出一丝一毫的诚意猴不猴啊。这里的诸葛亮配图我就省了：我从未见过有如此啥啥啥啥之人。

我不是要搞地域歧视，但要说底线，我印象中真是找不出比这类邮件底线更低的了。某种程度上，这些三哥们简直就是人肉垃圾邮件发送器。

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