An inbox full o’ opportunities

Hi Dave Rupert LLC,

I liked your latest blog post Quick toughts on chips and see you are a business leader in accessibility, Doritos®, and Jekyll blogging software. I thought we should connect. I would like to inform you of an exciting opportunity.

I scraped or stole your email address from some list that you never signed up for, but would you like help growing your company’s sales? I can do the same impersonal, unsolicited, scumbag sales shit I’m doing to you right now but on behalf of your company.

I generated this with AI, so it took me literally no time or effort but I sent it anyways. The federal crime I just committed is utterly offensive and every time I send this to you under a different fake business name you instantly delete it, but some might also call it “innovative”. I can provide this service for your company. Reach new customers today by deploying large scale AI-driven spam operations.

I clearly have no ethics, but you should enter a business relationship with me, a guy who found your email on the internet.

You are now signed up for a no-opt-out email drip campaign to send you automated replies every day for the next week to get you to reply. Reply and start a conversation with your harasser if you’d like it to stop.

Also, would you like to have my boss on your podcast? He’s a B2B Growth Saas Fortune Trope 500 Under 500 Startups Entreprenuer and has a red Porsche. There’s almost no trace of this guy on the internet but you should absolutely have him on your super niche web development podcast. I think he’d be a great fit for your audience.

What do you say? Are you ready to increase the size of your revenue?

Thanks,
Helen