Travelling just for the people
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Travelling just for the people
Derek Sivers
Travelling just for the people
2023-02-06
When I was 21, I moved to New York City.
An old friend travelled many hours and came to stay with me for a couple days. It was his first time in New York.
I said, “Do you want to see the Statue of Liberty? Empire State Building? Central Park? A Broadway show?”
He said, “I don’t care what we do. I just came to see you!”
I said, “Ha ha. Very sweet, but no, seriously. What would you like to do for the next couple days?”
He said, “Dude. I’m serious. I really don’t care about any of that stuff. I came here to see you, hang out with you, talk with you. That’s honestly the only reason I’m here. You don’t have to take me anywhere or show me anything.”
It was one of the most touching moments in my life. Someone spent hundreds of dollars and days of their life to travel to an exciting place, not to see the place, but just to see me.
…
Many years later, when I ran a music distribution company, I became wary of meeting people, because I (wrongly) thought that everyone wanted something from me. So I started travelling secretly. I went to many countries without telling anyone and without meeting anyone. I would walk around and experience the landmarks, food, museums, and events, but barely speak unless necessary.
One day, after a month in India, I decided to cautiously break my rule, since it was my last day before flying back to America, I thought even if someone wanted too much from me, I would escape the next day. So I emailed a musician in my database that lived in Kolkata, and asked if he was free to meet up. He came to my hotel and graciously walked me around Kolkata for most of the day, teaching me so much about his home town, so many insights into culture and life. Also, people kept asking him for his autograph. That was Amit Chaudhuri. I didn’t know he was a famous author.
When I think back to that month in India, I remember almost nothing but that conversation. Landmarks, food, museums, and events are a blur, but one interesting conversation can linger in the mind forever.
Sometimes we connect with a place, but usually we connect with people. Yet people connect us to a place.
So, learning from my past mistakes, now my main purpose of travel is meeting people. When they offer to take me to the landmarks, I say, “I don’t care what we do. I just came to see you!”
© 2023 Derek Sivers.
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- Sean Crawford (2023-02-05) #
Speaking of people, today I was at Trafalgar Square. I told a couple of strangers, "Want to know a fact? See those (famous) lion statues? The artist didn't have any lions to observe, so for his model he used dogs."
Recently I have wondered about myself, because I read that people from (I forget) think that Americans are false when they are so friendly. Not me. I go to parties in a friendly meet-ladies mood, and I travel in a friendly meet people-mood. Even at airports. In fact, my latest blog post is about conversing with a singer-songwriter, sans guitar, I met waiting for a plane.
Derek, as best I recall, when we met I didn't try to "pick your brain," I tried to have "a conversation" while contributing whatever facts about life and me that I could.
My policy for people, including strangers, is to have them leave me feeling better, never worse. It's like a manager setting broad goals, and it's like zen: When I set "better" as my intention, somehow wonderful things happen. (Say, I got bumped to a jet's first class once, from being nice to two ticket sellers)
Derek, I think you enjoy conversation more than most, conversation that piles things up to get somewhere. (Or circles back) So does my airport acquaintance. But most people, I have noticed, if the conversation is interrupted, don't know where they left off AND don't care. I suspect they were only talking to "hang out," to "pass the time," without any goals. - Mark (2023-02-05) #
Ever since I gained the ability to travel, my only reason to visit particular destinations has been to see people. I've never needed or wanted to travel to see a natural or artificial site for the sake of doing so. I've happened upon some interesting sites, but that has either been a consequence of that journey or something the visited person or persons suggested as an activity.
- Pau (2023-02-05) #
Hopefully one day you'll come to Bali then :)
- Enzo (2023-02-05) #
I've been super curious about different travel styles and this is a great insight into one of them. Thanks Derek!
I'll be going on my first big trip (Europe) in a couple of months and would love more specifics on how you meet people while traveling. I'm from a generation and disposition where it seems like approaching people, even at bars or cafes, is not the norm. Would you be willing to share some more stories of how you met people and what happened?
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