If you speak three languages, you’re trilingual. If you speak two languages, you’re bilingual. If you speak one language, you’re American.

Ouch… but true?

80% of Americans speak only one language fluently. We may write “learn a language” on our bucket lists, but most of us never make it past studying animals on Duolingo.

It’s not because we’re arrogant and don’t want to learn a second language. It’s because we don’t have to.

That is unless you move to a non-English speaking country which is what I did almost four years ago when I packed two bags and my newly printed diploma and moved from California to Italy.

Learning a language from scratch while living in a country where people speak it is the best way to learn. It’s also the hardest way, a true sink until you swim experience.

Over the last few years, my Italian has transformed right alongside something else. Me.

Here are the three things learning a second language taught me about life.

#1: L’amore non ha una lingua madre.

“Love doesn’t have a native language.”

As a psychology student, I learned over 90% of communication is non-verbal. I didn’t get how that was possible until I fell in love with an Italian man.

He spoke some English. I spoke zero Italian. But our hearts communicated effortlessly.

I thought our connection might be thanks to his basic English and my expert Google translating, but then I met his parents. They don’t speak a word of English — okay, maybe “hello” — but they are fluent in the only language that matters: love.

They speak love with smiles, hugs, and living room dances. They communicate with patience, kindness, and homemade lasagna.

Love doesn’t need words since it is spoken between hearts. Love doesn’t need to be explained when it can be felt.

Language doesn’t have to be a barrier between two people who are willing and open to building a relationship. And when it is an obstacle, it’s at least one you can climb over.

#2. Il tempo rende tutto possibile.

“Time makes everything possible.”

There’s an Italian quote, “la vita è questa. Niente è facile e nulla è impossible.”

This is life. Nothing is easy, and nothing is impossible.

I’ve never believed this sentiment more than when studying Italian. As a beginner language student, when I was learning only vocabulary and simple sentences, I thought, “I can do this. It’s not that bad.”

Then I studied past tense, future tense, and endless irregular verbs, and I thought, “I’m not sure I can do this. This is very bad.”

And off I went into the real world, navigating dialects, regional accents, and slang. Here I thought, “Yup, this is impossible! I’m never going to speak Italian!”

Every day my boyfriend told me “piano piano,” the Italian equivalent of “slow and steady.” He must have forgotten I hate slow and steady. Or maybe he just knew sometimes — oftentimes — we hate the thing we need.

I needed time. We all do.

Time is the fairy godmother who makes the impossible come true with the swish of her wand, granting “overnight” success that really wasn’t overnight at all.

We don’t know when our time will come. All we know is we must be here — working, practicing, learning — when it finally does.

No one wants to be patient. That’s why it’s a virtue.

When you stop looking for easy, you will find that anything you set your mind to is possible, maybe not today or even tomorrow, but just in time for the ball, right on schedule for your fate.

#3: Non devi fregartene di cosa pensano gli altri.

“You don’t have to care about what other people think.”

And you shouldn’t.

I confess I’m the ultimate people pleaser (fellow INFJs, where you at?). However, learning a foreign language forced me to stop trying to impress, please, and make everyone else comfortable. All. The. Time.

I used to believe people were thinking the meanest things about me when I would speak Italian. Someone would laugh, and I would conclude they thought I was stupid. Someone would switch to speaking English, and I would think they deemed me incapable.

The worst was when someone casually told my boyfriend I needed to learn Italian. All l I heard was, “She’s not trying hard enough.”

Maybe they were thinking these things about me. I’ll never know because I didn’t dare to ask and potentially confirm my fears.

What I do know for sure is that I was thinking these things about myself. I felt stupid and incapable and wondered if I wasn’t trying hard enough.

I eventually realized I didn’t need to fix what other people thought about me. I needed to fix my opinion of myself. That’s when everything changed.

When we feel the need to control other people’s perceptions of us, it’s often because we have a poor self-perception. To stop excessively caring about what people think, we need to build confidence.

How? Start doing what you want. Let people be upset about it. Soon you will realize your joy is louder than anyone else’s judgment.

I’m not stupid. I’m more than capable. I try pretty damn hard.

You can think whatever you want.

In all honesty, I thought learning a second language was going to be easier than it was. I was misled by the stories of people becoming “fluent” in less than six months, and when I didn’t hit that milestone, I saw it as a personal failure.

Looking back, I see I was going through two separate learning processes. One taught me vocabulary and grammar. The other taught me to lead with my heart, not my head, be patient with myself and others, and rewrite the stories I tell myself about who I am and what I’m capable of achieving.

To my surprise, learning Italian taught me more about life than language. With love, time, confidence, and a flick of fate’s wand, anything is possible.