I have found deep and meaningful satisfaction in writing — it has helped me discover the process of paying attention to the trivial parts of everyday living. I guess it is a sort of mindfulness practice. ¹

One of the tricky considerations in doing this practice is the fact that it is influenced very heavily by my current and past lived experiences —and that means that the people and circumstances that make up that lived experience are part of that story. Living and learning is contextually situated, so anything I create from it is not just mine… it is usually someone else’s, as well. I would guess many writers struggle with this. ²

Schrödinger's Story?

This is an issue of consent: how do we tell a story that is both ³ entirely ours and not just ours? How do we make sure that we understand what it means if the following:

A) My story is objectively true

B) My story is subjectively true

C) Someone else’s version of the story is objectively true

D) Someone else’s version of the story is subjectively true

If you have had a disagreement with anyone ever…

Chances are some combination of the factors above was presenting you with a circumstance where your version of a story and another version (versions, even!) of the story were both subjectively true, one or both was objectively wrong, and everyone thought there was just one story happening.

The same story

When I tell a story, and I am telling it with the capacity for it to be read absent of any meaningful context by complete strangers (maybe you, yes you? 👋 hi, I am so happy you are here), how do I make sure that I am telling the same story, and any players in the story also consent to my retelling? It turns out, I get to a point very early on in my process where I simply cannot work any further without checking in and getting consent from the characters of my stories.

I know there are lots of methods of doing this on a larger scale: if I am writing a book, of course making sure everything is legally above the board is the way to go. But what about when I am writing a lot? What about when I worry that my constant need to check in with the people closest to me to make sure everything is chill becomes annoying? This isn’t currently a problem for me, but it could be… and it feels like a highly probable outcome ⁴. So I should probably explore a different and more sustainable method for this problem.

Affinitization

Would you believe with how much this word get tossed around in design that it is not even formally a part of language? Lol, that is funny 🤔, but isn’t design like that? We try something, figure out what works and doesn’t, decide it reaches a threshold of usefulness after some practice and validation of the hypothesis, then name it and share it with others. I love affinitization — I find it to be a terribly effective method of sorting through a pile of information. Absent a formal definition from a dictionary, I will explain it this way for the purpose of this article: Affinitization, to me, is collecting together a bunch of information, sifting through the mess of it all, and attempting to categorize it in different ways to see greater meaning or connections. The categorization part is where we, as designers, get to make choices.

Affinitizing a Collaboration Pact

I have begun some research on collecting bits of information based upon the following How Might We statement:

How might we create an efficient process to notify people and include them in the process if they choose when we are writing a story and they are a character, and we hope it is chill if we share it with The Internet, and please consent because we are so excited to share this story and we are grateful for you, but also don’t take too long because momentum sometimes…evaporates?

Wow, isn’t that HMW statement in some ways the crux ⁵ of human-centered design?

And it turns out, I don’t want to research this problem alone. I would guess that many of you have a way you are handling this issue that is not at all formalized, and/or outside of how “other people do it,” and it is really working for you. While I spend the research time to collect “what is formalized,” help me if you would like — let me know how you do this? The hope is that I affinitize what I can research, along with the blanks that other writers fill in about the nuance of their own process, and we all might see an interesting pattern, and then we can all create something together.

Cool? I’m listening.

If you like the stuff I say and want to talk about it irl, my next speaking engagement will be at THAT Conference on May 25, 2022 (also my oldest child’s 12th birthday day, and both of my kids will be there front row yawning while “mom does her thing,” and I am grateful to Clark Sell for creating a family inclusive event). Let’s hit some waterslides.

🎉 footnote party!

[1]: If you currently have a process for using writing as a mindfulness practice, hmu because I would love to hear about it.

[2]: I do fully recognize I am not unique in this regard: I am trying to open a door to a conversation.

[3]: I am powerless to pass up an opportunity to reference Schrödinger’s Cat, due to the fact that I am a huge nerd that loves cats.

[4]: This likely has a lot to do with social constructs and the fact that we live in society that — generally speaking — does not love women that ask a lot of questions.

[5]: I have an aunt that is famous in many circles for making up words and one time in the 90s I flamed her for saying “crux” and look at this.

Note: On a scale of 1–10, how annoying do you find footnotes?