Cartoon by John P. Weiss

It’s hard for people to rise above their opinions of themselves.

This curse of self-limiting beliefs can often be traced back to childhood. Either an unsupportive parent or careless teacher did or said something devastating, and we carry the wound forward.

The injured little voice inside our head whispers, “Just do enough to get by. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t risk it.”

What’s sad is that our doubts are frequently far from the truth. But doubts are comfortable. Doubts give us an excuse to not try. Doubts are the status quo.

Ask yourself, “What if my doubts are not true?”

What if?

An indefensible self-mutilation of the soul

A few years ago I was sitting in a restaurant with a good friend, and he asked about my writing.

“I don’t know,” I told him, “I work hard on my stories and essays, but there doesn’t seem to be much return on investment. It’s a lot of work. New readers join my newsletter each week, but just as many unsubscribe every time I publish. I’m thinking about quitting and going back to painting.”

My friend listened attentively as I bemoaned the capricious nature of social media algorithms and how online readers prefer clickbait titles and cat videos over elegant essays about life lessons.

Basically, I was having myself a little pity party, and indulging in self-doubt about my writing.

“Self-pity is spiritual suicide. It is an indefensible self-mutilation of the soul.” — Anthon St. Maarten

My friend suggested that maybe I needed to make changes and break out of my comfort zone. This got me thinking that maybe my self-doubts were not true. Maybe I had simply become too comfortable in my writing, and needed to change?

I analyzed my work closely and realized that I had fallen into a comfortable style and approach. I had been using copywriting skills and emulating a few successful online writers. As a result, my work was derivative and boring.

What I realized is that comfort and conformity are the enemy. They’re dream killers because when we stay safe and copy others we deny our true potential.

So I changed things up in my writing.

I started to focus on more elegant prose, and tried to connect with readers on a deeper level. After that, I had one of my best years of online writing.

Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future

We are all creatures of habit. This is a good thing if the habits are healthy and productive.

Unfortunately, our habits often reflect the path of least resistance.

Cartoon by John P. Weiss

We do things subconsciously because they’re comfortable and familiar. Like mindlessly clicking on the TV every night instead of exercising. Or following the same old formula in our writing or creative work.

Beyond comfort and conformity, our environment plays a huge role in our potential creative and personal success. This is because environment is stronger than our will. It wins over time.

Stock your kitchen with unhealthy food, and that’s what you’ll be eating. Put a big screen TV in your house and that’s what you’ll be watching. And what’s crazy is that we complain to friends about weight gain and never having the time to read.

Who we spend the majority of our time with also determines the course of our lives.

Hang out with people who like to drink and party and soon that will become your lifestyle. Alternatively, hanging out with people who like to exercise and feed their minds will rub off on you, too.

“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” — Dan Pena

I’m not suggesting you dump your friends, but you should avoid any bad habits they might have. And perhaps try broadening your circle to new friends whose good habits and success you might want to emulate.

The enemy of growth

If you want to follow your dreams and find success, avoid comfort and conformity. What’s easy and familiar seldom gets you where you want to go.

“Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.” — John F. Kennedy

Surround yourself with people who inspire you, and whose positive example will help fuel your dreams and success. Create a home and work environment that helps you make good decisions.

Do these things, and you can change the opinion you have of yourself. You can become the person you always dreamed of being.

And when you get there, be sure and take the time to inspire and help others who are still struggling. This is how we not only change ourselves and others for the better but maybe even the world.

(Originally published at JohnPWeiss.com)

Before you go

I’m John P. Weiss. I write elegant essays about life. To follow along, check out The Saturday Letter here.