I can't explain why I feel so emotional having read this. Perhaps it is because I am at this time writing an article about emotion and performing and being vulnerable as an artist. Perhaps it is because I have learned so much from others and often find myself using their words to help my students. Either way - this touched me.
Thank you.
Rhan

Surprised you don't know more about panic attacks. Trying to explain it to someone who has never had one is like explaining a sneeze to a person who has never sneezed. It's something your body / brain does against your will, and they can come out of nowhere. Bizarre to attach judgment to it.

Achingly beautiful, Derek.
I don't know why this brought tears to the surface for me. I love your teacher's instructions to look around, enjoy the scene, and relax until the feeling passes. Wonderful that you could emulate that for a fellow diver in need. Great advice for anyone finding themselves trapped in the grip of their own version of "40 meters down"...as always, thanks for the beautiful way you share your learnings with us.
Always great to experience a "deep dive" with you!
With gratitude,
Electra

To answer your question in your email, yes, I think it's complete!

Thank you for sharing this, Derek!
Sukie Baxter teaches effective simple Vagus nerve exercises (on YouTube) to rewire our brain from anxiety. They helped me after I had my first ever panic attack, at a dental office visit, when a bite block was put in my mouth. Not any meters under water, but I had that same reaction of just having to get out of there, apologized and came back to a future appointment in a much different mindset, where it was not a problem.

I have depression and in the past deep panic and agorophobia. Ironically or not I got a job working in mental health by my counselor. Spent 35 years in the field. At the time I had panic issues decades ago, there was no name for it. That made it more abstract and frightening.

Interestingly enough after 13 albums I am now releasing a project I'v sat on for 40 years because I was too frightened (A singer songwriter album). Your post is interesting time wise. Ha!

Good subject Derek. Spread it around. The student can be so helpful to others.

Perfect the way it is

paul

I'm glad you fought through your panicky moments and conquered your demons Derek; but - having worked in a psychiatric hospital for 15 years (yup! I was the music specialist at UCLA's psych Hospital)I can tell you that you didn't have a panic attack. I guarantee you: if you had a diagnosable true-blue panic attack, you wouldn't have gone back in the water. Ever. So - congratulations for having very human and VERY logical fear. I would have been so far away from even trying what you did, you would have disclaimed me as your friend. But! We could have had some tea and at least discussed the incident afterwards. Still up for that! Barb

Hi Derek, I loved this story about your panic attack. And you are correct when you say we tend to think that these things only happen to othersThen when you experience it you realize how devastating it can be. Now if we can all just connect this to our everyday lives and be empathetic to others the world would be a better and more beautiful place. That's when we can really say we are our brothers keeper, especially when it comes to being compassionate.

I was always scared to suba dive cause it messed with my ears which I need for music. Also I knew some
professional divers who had hearing problems. I knew that this isn't for me. I do like face mask and snorkeling
around. Nice story though. I enjoyed reading it and can't find anything to change.

I’m so glad you found a way to overcome that unease and to follow thru, Derek. You lost me with the line “three things we never think will happen to us” (or something like it). Many of us have thought of depression and addiction as a natural part of our lives as we’ve see it throughout and had experiences with one or both. Consider yourself lucky—I know you do!—that these are not your experiences but know that for a good number of your readers, they are. I realize this is besides the main point you’re making and I get it. Just wanted to offer this.
Keep diving deep.
S

They say most people will experience a panic attack in their lifetime. And once you've experienced it, you see what all the fuss is about! I love the technique you were taught, as well as how you helped a girl that found herself in the same situation as you.

Derek, It is in the dark that we find our true self, devoid of light, like a dream we either become crystal clear or confused. It brings me back to 1980 and the deprivation tank, at 21 I was all into the experience and within minutes I was starting to feel very uneasy. I talked to myself and said if this is wrong let me know ? I relaxed and closed my eyes and became a void ? so weird, so wild ? like a guy without a body... Still to this day it gives me chills..Courage seems to be the ability to face our fear and continue ?

Great story, Derek. Thanks!

It's a lovely idea to think that by a certain age we should know everything there is to know about ourselves; our loves, our dislikes, our fears--what makes us tick. But I find that as we age, life has a habit of leaning all too often into that old adage, "One never knows." Unsettling? Of course. But it makes you keep on your toes. I think in this case, you paid attention, you followed your intuition. There could be a number of reasons you had that sensation of fear/anxiety. Fortunately, you had a good teacher who understood exactly what was going on, and was able to lead you to calmer waters, so to speak. And then, full circle, you were able to use the knowledge your teacher was able to impart to you to help another.

You've helped a lot of people in your life, including myself, but maybe not quite on this level. So now you know even another way to help someone out, that has nothing to do with business, or careers, or being creative. Such a great lesson!

At least that's my take on it.

Kindest regards,

our vulnerability is often times the source of our greatest tests of courage and faith.

Yes. The emotional brain is there to protect us. Sometimes it overreacts. But we can talk to it, calm it, soothe it, reason with it (sometimes). It just wants to feel in control of the situation. It's your internal body guard.

It's hard to imagine you panicking - and that's why it's so generous of you to share this.

Thanks, as always, for all that you do.

I’m torn here. Actually no that’s not correct. I know exactly how this made me feel. It’s a beautiful story with a relatable message. But your fans and audience have real problems with real stress. Not ones discovered by a curiosity urge to dive in ideallic water.

I don’t wish panic attacks on anyone. This is written in peace. But for me this just isn’t a reality that makes sense.

Best wishes to you.

I have mixed feelings about this essay. I would say bravo for conquering your feeling of panic and willing to stay present and grow by it. I'd also agree, it can help us be more empathetic of others. But the part about imitating your instructor inspires me to think more deeply. These days with all the cultural shifts and anxieties about the future, the role of "coaching" others seems like an attractive profession. But it takes many years and knowledge to do it with reliability and safety. What if the "German girl" had something wrong with a valve, a tube, a tank, her suit, an interactive medicine, or even in fact some deep psychic trauma. Her re-immersion may not have had such an apparently happy ending. While we can learn to listen and be aware and present for others in pain, when we attempt to take on a "professional mantle" or "teacher" or "rescuer" because it's for a good cause, I would question that. But it's clear that you are on a continuing path of growth and that is admirable!

In this experience you received the great opportunity to run quite a gamut of emotions in a very short time. You inhabited the roles of student and teacher in free-flowing rapid-fire fashion. You actually changed the SCUBA acronym to Self-Catapulting-Unabashed-Blessed-Awareness:)

Thanks for the Well written account of your experience while scuba diving. Sometimes the fear or terror happens with no warning. Deep Breathing has been known to ward off or minimize "panic attacks."

One day in a crowded art museum I had my very first (so far only) panic attack. Completely floored me. This short piece nails it.

“SOMETHING WRONG!”

That just says it all. An unexpected, visceral, "something wrong!" moment will inevitably rise up and stop us in our tracks. Left trembling but petrified, it's affirming and wonderful to have the tools with which to disarm it. More wonderful than that is to gift this tool for another persons "something wrong!". Like ripples in a pond, I like to imagine this gift going forward from one to another in need. Who knows where your lesson will stop? How many people will you REALLY help with your gift of indness?

Nice story Derek. You have a knack of telling well written stories with relevant life-slessons. Well done!

Thanks for sharing, Derek, and for inspiring me...to get back into diving! If nothing else, I need to snorkel the clearest water in the world!!

I really enjoyed this Derek, excellent story. This reminded me of when I experienced my first panic attack, that experience opened my eyes to the importance of how to manage stress and that mental health is just as important as physical health.

Thank you for this

Derek,

Well written and explained.

I never experienced a panic attack so I can't relate but your words made me feel like I had one.

Great work my friend,

Rick

Loved this, I've always wanted to go to Iceland and could shiver as I read it because i'm sitting here in cold NH trying to save money by keeping the heat turned down (it's only Nov, right?). Scuba diving looks awesome but thanks for the reality check, the outfit sounds awful!

Anything that happens to anyone can happen to you. Thinking otherwise is either lack of life experience or hubris. That's the lesson I took away when I found myself in experiences I had thought I'd never have.

Brings back similar memories - I'm a little rusty on panic, maybe I'll go out. I haven't gone diving in years! I think you might mean 40 feet though. Typical beginner dives are usually around 12 meters. Those were awfully deep dives!

Beautiful

It’s so mesmerising reading your life experience. As a human being we go through a lot at times. You are truly as inspiration to overcome the fears in day to day life.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Hey Derek, I’m glad to hear a calming person was there for you . I have had panic attacks since childhood. Thanks for sharing your story. Good on you for using your new found insights to help remove the stigma around emotional and mental health topics. It’s just our limbic system doing its job a little too well. What’s with the stigma? :) Thanks for spreading the message of empathy and compassion and reminding us that life often offers us opportunities to step into new roles and rewards us for making it through trying experiences. I also noticed that your gratitude and admiration for the scuba guide’s soothing strategies helped you internalize the lesson,. You grew and adopted the behavior and had the tools in your belt when someone else needed help. You paid it forward and then shared your story showing to us that people can grow and change.

Well put, Derek. I had a similar experience snorkeling recently as, being unused to the mask and snorkel, I felt claustrophobic and unable to continue, though I knew it was irrational. Meant a lot to read of your experiences.
Thank you.

Few people think that kind of panic will ever happen to them. At some point in life it happens to many, maybe most. Have been scuba diving myself and can understand how you felt. For me I was able to quickly get through it while pretty deep down. Have been in many deeply stressful situations and have always been able to will myself out of such a panic attack...until earlier this year. I had a similar occurrence and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Just too much pressure building over too much time. Ended up going to the hospital, but found out everything was ok in the end. Just like in your writing, sometimes we need someone to make us believe that everything is going to be ok in that overwhelming moment. Other times we need to be that person for someone else. I had always been that person for someone else so many times, and never believed that the roles would ever be reversed. It seems like life has a funny way of humbling and reminding us of simple lessons from time to time.

I had a panic attack going into a drive thru car wash with a cloth mask and sunglasses on. Somehow, going into somewhere dark with and being covered was a problem, even when I had been there many times before.

Maybe panic attacks are more common than we think. And they are triggered by different stimulus in different people. My crazy hypothesis after comparing your story with mine and other stories I have heard from celebrities like Bill Hader is that a panic attack is a fear from a dark place from our ancestors' past.

People would describe things like panic attacks as an 'irrational fear'. This doesn't explain how it got there. In fact, the concept of irrational fear is dangerous. If they are really irrational we can never control them.

Thanks for sharing!

I think God speaks to us many times through our intuition, as well as through other people. It is important that we take the time to stop, listen and follow our intuition and the advice of others who we know we can trust, especially at times when we are in a situation that could be dangerous.

My girlfriend suffers from anxiety, and when she's had panic attacks, I've done my best to be there for her. But in the back of my mind, there was initially a bit of an, "Oh, come on now; snap out of it!" judgment rearing its ugly head. Then I experienced my own panic attack one day, completely out of the blue. It was absolutely harrowing, and there was no explanation for why it came on. I never thought it'd happen to me, but it sure did. Boy, how it gave me a whole new level of empathy for those who suffer from it. I've since talked certain friends "off the ledge" once or twice. Anyway, just wanted to say that I relate with the above on a deep level. As always, thanks so much for the inspiration and reminders of what connects us.

Remember somethings - please.

FIGHT OR FLIGHT - NEW TERRITORY - YOU CHOOSE
A) the fear systems are often a good thing because they are getting you into your fight or flight systems which save your life, so, you are in a new place with an important system.

MENTAL HEALTH PRO
B) from a premier mental health pro - you do not get "better at these" (fears) by avoiding them; you get better by getting BRAVER. Little by little. Like weight lifting, or free-squats, or distance running, learning to draw, language, or fear functions.

PANIC FEAR - ELEVATOR - I WILL DIE!
His example was a woman terrified of elevators. Total Panic. She was closed in. She could die in it. Just complete panic. She knew a colleague who died of a heart attack in one. This is real. Awful. And we all die and there is a chance IN an elevator, but it was wrecking lots of life. She heard this Dr. JP, was excellent. They met in his office. He they sat on a chair and couch. He said, over there (he pointed to the other side of the room) is a file, in a drawer, with pictures of elevators, doors and interiors, others of their working and safety systems, an a book on elevators.

DO YOU WANT TO SEE? NO!!!!!!!!!!
And he asked, do you want to see them. She almost screamed, No! He said, fine. And then talked to her and said would the pictures do anything? And she said no. And he asked would they actual harm her or prevent her from using the stairs? And she said no.

OVER TIME - CLOSER AND CLOSER - BRAVER
Over weeks, the file with the pictures came our of the drawer but where still in the file but where on top of the desk across the room. Little by little. Closer and closer.

FOLDER - LOOK - LITTLE BY LITTLE
Soon, look at the folder. Sweating palms, but did it. Then 1 picture. Then 2. Then more. Then stand outside an elevator. Then inside and back out of a stopped one. And on and on. She still did not like them. But slowly SHE GOT BRAVER. And that is how she solved it.

STILL FEARS
She still hates them in many ways, but she is now actually brave, in a very significant way.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF, BUT MAKE YOU STRONGER
We are real.
We have limits.
But like these people turning friends of children weak by never talking or dealing with tough things.
We must be brave.

ALL VIRTUES SPRING FROM THE FIRST VIRTUE - COURAGE!

It's funny how your perspective can change after walking a little in the shoes of others. It's a gift of compassion that can keep giving. It's great that you were able to help that German girl, drawing from your own experience. What a better world this would be if we all would learn to understand each other better!

It was amazing, it really makes you think

I appreciate every aspect of this story and the full circle understanding. We simply don't know what we don't know. But because we are predisposed to think we "what" we know is the way things are, we don't enter into places of wonder and curiosity. But life will always find us in this hubris, tap us on the shoulder and we turn around to see a full plate of new opportunities being offered. I appreciate that it took for you to "do it afraid" and offer to others what they will need. I heard someone say today that every day he asks himself the question.. "how will you grow? and what will you give?"Your story is the fullness of his questions. Thank you for sharing.

Derek
Great post, and important lesson. Occasionally I will unconsciously make a small thing into a big thing. Sometimes I catch and ground myself in the moment, and reality becomes a little clearer and the irrationality of it all fades quick. Based on your story panic attacks can work the same way.

Thanks for the post.

You are incredibly fortunate to have had an instructor to say the right things at the right time. I can just imagine how many people especially kids who forever miss out on such adventures and learning because they weren't equipped or helped by someone to push through fear (even if rational fear) .

In my case and I think for others, I use ego ie "if other can do it" or and to try make fear a habit to prompt me to look closer on something. I was able to use this to get into caving and skin diving, both of which like scuba diving, naturally triggers claustrophobia and a host of other instinctual fears. Also during training and test where fear is highest I got into a habit of making jokes to make everyone laugh. I didn't even notice until someone pointed it out

As a scuba diver, I can relate... *Somewhat.* You clearly took too many big steps at once. It's no wonder you had a panic attack.

You did your certification dive with so many new elements: new suits, colder water, darker environment and I'd bet also deeper than y-level ever been before. That's a formula for failing of there ever was one.

When I trained my wife, she, like you, spent enough time at the bottom of the swimming pool to learn all of the procedures and effects. The dive instructor wanted to take her to the lake where it was very cold and very dark too have her certified. And I said no. We went to a wonderful Caribbean island and she said in 25 ft of absolute crystal clear water on the bottom of sand with lots of gorgeous fish swimming around her and there she did her checkout dive. And she succeeded wonderfully. And I'm 100% sure she would have failed in the lake.

So for those of you who are wondering about scuba diving, that is the way to proceed in my opinion.

So what else did you do in Iceland?

Good for you. I’ve never scuba dived . Snorkeled some in the Galapagos —but not deep & felt kind of scared of the big turtles . Heck —I’m pretty scared of depths & caves & heavy anxiety to flying . It took me a long time not to be scared of vacuum cleaners & elevators. It would be cool to do some of this —but I can do plenty of activities and travel & have fun.
Counseling & drugs don’t help with flying -but I’ve been around the whole Northern Hemisphere by ship, train, ferry, taxi, walking & never flew once & probably met more people & had more fun than if I just flew around.
Different folks have different fears & glad you are able to overcome anxiety . You are a special person & it’s fun to hear about your triumphs :) I’ve got a new basset puppy named Charley—wish you could see him :)

The snorkeling/diving looks great. Thanks for the links.

Very good story about going deep under water. Not very many do what you did with all that equipment. I spent most of my life in spare time sailing all over the oceans and diving underwater in lots of gear. But there are times when the mind and body are not
ready or prepared for deep underwater dives. Every one is very different and the result of wrong time diving effects are very unique. So when these feelings are
in you it's best to enjoy upper water swimming and beach walking.
Enjoy

Derek:

Love this. Panic, Addiction, and Depression are all too real. Empathy truly does make a difference. Thank you for sharing.

When your body freaks out around the activity of diving its quite sensible. Diving is a very dangerous and severe pursuit. The lesson of staying in control while it is happening is a great lesson. If you've ever had a gun pointed at you from hostile people, staying focused is critical. Its good to have the ability to keep a clear head during danger.

Sometimes its also good to have the fear and panic when you're entering a zone where the danger can come from. A great writer once had a chapter of their book describing the idea of *Stay alive*.

One of my favorite chapters.

This gave me goosebumps.

Great story!

This ties in perfectly with Ryan Holiday's book Courage is Key that where he quotes William Faulkner: "Be scared. You can't help that. But don't be afraid".

What a great mindset to view the world through when we inevitably encounter uncomfortable moments in our lives.

Solution to pulling on wet suit. Panty Hose. Buy a few pair. Put a pair on. Wet suit slides on and off effortlessly and keeps you warmer.
This info brought to you by an old windsurfer from Canada.

When we surrender to lifes 'wisdom lesson' moments...life will give opportunity to pass that wisdom along in turn.

I just saw a bumpersticker slogan that I have adopted as a mantra: "Your anxiety is lying to you." It helps me to personify anxiety. Along these lines, a good book is "The Gift of Fear" in which the author distinguishes between anxiety (distracting, not grounded in actual danger) and fear (grounded in actual danger). One of many problems with anxiety is that it dilutes our sensitivity to real fear signals.

Great story, and a valuable gift lesson. And in answer to your email, I would say it’s complete. Do you still dive?

GREAT WRITING!
"It Has To Be"
Chorus:
It has to be
The better chance it has to be
The more we believe in what we cannot see
The better chance it has to be
It has to be
The better chance it has to be
The more we believe in what we cannot see
The better chance it has to be
All we have to do is believe it
Just trust in God we will receive
The more we believe in what we cannot see
The better chance it has to be
1st
God makes the final decisions
No matter how hard we prayed
He has all the answers
So we mustn't be afraid
Jesus died on a cross to save us
But in God we must believe
Because The more we believe in what we cannot see
The better chance it has to be
2nd
God has given us a chance to trust Him
In this world of sin and strife
He has given us a chance to serve Him
With everyday of our life
Though physically we cannot see Him
Spiritually we know He's there
So as we learn to put our faith in God
Our faith in God we'll be able to share

Hal Gullick c2020

That's quite lovely, Derek. And true. We limit ourselves in so many ways, and you touched on two important ones: allowing reflexive reactions to new circumstances (or people) to make decisions for us, and thinking we already know what roles we are suited for or capable of. So often we are so much more than we think we are.

Derek, I can totally relate to your story and have experienced the same feeling diving with my 2 girls. I really like how you beautifully put this experience into words that will touch others.

Excellent, don't change a thing. Your story is impactful. We need more examples of compassion, flexibility and thoughtfulness. Spreading more examples of our mutual sameness is vital to a new spiritual awakening. We must saves each other and ourselves. I am so proud you asked me to read this. Together me must become sensitive to serving each other and nurturing the earth. Keep posting, your friend Betty Bass.

Hi Derek, I can totally relate to this (without going into the personal circumstances), so yes, it’s complete!

Perfect as is. Your voice gives real feeling and perspective.

Beautiful essay. Now…did you actually have a bona fide panic attack? Maybe. Maybe not. So often, the labels don’t matter.

But the authenticity and the gained empathy…I don’t wish the sheer pain of anxiety or depression- be it chronic or manifested by a single acute episode- on anyone.

Breathe deeply, Derek, and know that we are here for you, and that you are safe. Peace

This is a beautiful story. In the book of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, she explained that we have 4 characters, and it was Character 2 saying I'm scared. Self-soothing is a good skill, and we can certainly learn from one another how to do it. How magical that everything works in the correct order; you have to learn to be there and support that woman what fantastic synchronicity.

What a wonderful story and lesson. I loved what you said about imitating the instructor and being empathetic. What brilliant advice. Remember how it felt, watch the signs for others feeling the same and go to their rescue. Love it, thank you for sharing and for reminding me that we are all just human.
Liz

Hi Derek, thanks for sharing this piece. I don’t know what to make of this article. The only thing that comes to
Mind is that this is true as many other truths, people just have to learn through personal experience. Telling someone about an anecdotal experience that leads to an Aha! Moment does very little to help. Sorry for being blunt. The next time you have a panic attack, bring your attention to your Hara ( 2 inches below the belly) and keep it there. Hope this helps.

The best two teachers in my life: my own mother and you.

Neither of you set out to be my teachers or demanded me to respect you as teachers. You both showed me with your own actions of how you are and what you stand for in this world.

You both taught me how to think for myself, how to learn and how to be a good friend.

To answer your question in the email, I think you’ve saved someone’s life by learning how to save your own first, with the help of a trusted and good teacher. We are never solely the product of our own making.

What do you think?

I love it, Derek! Thank you! I still have no desire to scuba dive!🌈🌈🦩🦩✔️✔️🎶🎶❤️❤️🎼🎼🎵🎵🌈🌈

This reminds me of an incident I dealt with many years ago while taking training on shipboard firefighting (a long story). The scenarios were held in a purpose built facility. Descending into the facility wearing the protective clothing and airpack respirator, it was kind of the opposite of your crystal clear cold lake... as in it was a dark hot smoke-filled hellscape.

I was "ranging" (walking independently with a flashlight searching for victims) and the firefighting team with a hose ended up panicking. When I found them standing still, I went to each and patted them on the back and shouted (it was very loud inside the facility) reassurances that we were okay but they needed to keep moving ahead.

We put out the fire and exited the facility. The instructor pulled us aside to debrief. After hearing how things went, the instructor asked me why I did that. I said I figured they needed to stop focusing on the fire and start focusing on the fight.

I love this. So powerful and true. Reminds me of a call with a friend today where he gave me permission to feel my feelings. The good the bad the in between. This makes me want to scuba again. I got certified last summer in Greece. I hope to one day scuba together.... GB

Today I was in a dentist office with really old dusty equipment and a forgetful old doctor. And no assistant or secretary. I was scared but who knows maybe after doing so much wellness over the last few years I stayed calm got my cleaning and a referral for a possible root canal issue.

I think we have panic attacks for a reason and sometimes we do NEED to run for it. So don’t override all alarms 🚨 they are there for a reason.

This really hit me: “There are things in life we think won’t apply to us: Panic. Addiction. Depression.

I thought that was for other people. I thought I wasn’t that type. Why is this happening to me?”

I used to think there were 2 kinds of people. Type 1: they were raised by people who didn’t take and active role in their life to avoid or overcome challenges. They didn’t learn to overcome hard things. Type 2: these people didn’t accept irrational fear, and knew how to pick themselves up from life’s ups and downs.

I know better now that life has given me some opportunities to open my mind. How narrow minded and just plain wrong I was. Still I can’t help thinking “why is this happening to me”.

Wow Derek that was a real cool story. It’s the unknown and uncertain that brings us to those feelings of I want to get out of here. Fear is a safety mechanism that we all have and running to the bathroom with a full bladder is the same thing. Fear can bring on panic and that is a protection that everyone has. Everything you describe is natural and should not be taken otherwise as bad. It’s all a learning response also. So the next time you dove in your experience levels had changed and you could then help others. Perception is the true meaning of all learning.
God bless,

Marty

Thanks for sharing this. Takes courage to admit one's own mistake.

I liked reading this piece and I related to much in it. Facing fears. Being supported by others and supporting others. Being in beauty, whether we face our fears or not. I enjoyed other people’s responses, and it is interesting to consider what a few people said, that you did not really have a psychiatric “panic attack.” One person said that your experience is nothing like the suffering of people who feel these extreme feelings in everyday situations. Scuba diving has real elements of danger and is not part of ordinary life. It is something you were curious about, not anything you had to do. But still, even if it was not a “bona fide” panic attack as defined by mental health professionals, whatever happened within you gave you empathy, connection to the suffering of others that before seemed abstract. That is magical and lovely. My favorite line was from Richard, #38: ALL VIRTUES SPRING FROM THE FIRST VIRTUE—COURAGE! Courage is central for all of us to muster in living a life worth living: whether we fear diving to the ocean’s depths or getting out of bed in the morning.

I loved this Derek. I laughed.
I have only been snorkelling in the ocean. My brother took me a few years ago. He knew was he was doing, I did not. As brothers tend, he didn't prepare me very well. A sunny day on a rocky shore in a western Canadian inlet, it seemed peaceful, but it was hell down there. He went first, I followed. I couldn't see more than 6 inches in front of me. I couldn't breathe. I was under for about, oh, 30 seconds. Choking and disoriented I came to the surface and ripped off my mask. Looking up, there was my brother already unsuited, staring into the sunshine. He must have been in the water for about 7 seconds. "Did you see those fish"?! He said.

My panic attacks came in the form of my heart beating fast for no reason. Went to the hospital many times sure I was dying . The doctors finally told me they wanted me to see someone upstairs. A shrink , I told them they were crazy. But after a few weeks it turned out to be a great move, talking and walking was my cure.Diving I have done many time 500 plus dives. I would say your teacher and method are correct. Panic underwater is dangerous. My step father died scuba diving hunting for treasure.

Love it! I remember that feeling way down in the water when you have to share respirators to get certified. Right now I have to do something scary and I can use this story as a good lesson. Thank you for sharing so much wisdom with us and the world. Fear is really the big enemy most times. You are a really good writer who evokes lots of real emotions.

Sublime. Don’t change anything!

I think whenever we are learning something new it can be difficult. I feel like this a lot, and sometimes you just need to take a break and get back into it. This was an inspiring article, and beautiful photo.

Nice! When I got scuba certified I had the same issue. In the pool I freaked out. I was afraid of drowning due to an experience I had getting caught by seaweed swimming in open water when I was younger. My instructor had me work with an experienced diver doing a refresh with our class. He became a lifelong friend. I learned there that when you control your breath you control the battle.

I don’t think it’s complete, at least I hope not. Instead I hope it is a great start to many conversations that need to occur if we truly want to empathize and sympathize with difficulties others may experience.

I don't think you experience an actual panic attack.

Try having one so bad that you pull off the freeway, run out of your car and lay in the grass not able to move because you're body has completely locked up due to the shallow breathing.

I never thought I would have them either, and then I developed health issues and really strange allergies because of a medication I was taking.

Would you consider a combat veteran who experiences panic attacks due to PTSD a "weak" person?

Nothing to change as it was your experience. It made me think of when I was in a pre-op room with others who were about to have surgery. I remember feeling a huge surge of adrenaline along with some excellent drugs that helped me cope with my fear. I actually felt okay with what was coming when I heard someone screaming with fear. I vividly remember trying to talk her down. I don't know if I was successful but your story triggered that memory.Nice to hear from you.Oh and scuba is a hard no for me.Brian

I believe I had a panic attack in 2016. Thought I wasn’t “that kind of people”.

In July 2021 I had a similar experience and something similar happened. I was afraid but ready for action. Got through with it.

Thanks for sharing Derek, makes me want to share more about myself to the people I care.

I have have panic attacks and felt depressed beforet. I have thoughts that being an entrepreneur is not for "a person like me."

My takeaway from your blog post is that if you can have a panic attack, I can make a website and start selling stuff.

Anything can happen if you're open to it and give it a shot.

Mahalo!

Lovely story, Derek. That Iceland dive sounds amazing. I too, am a scuba diver. I got certified in Seattle with 15 ft of visibility in 40 degree water (no dry suit, 1 wet suit and 1 farmer john wet suit over, ridiculous). It was so dark and murky, and I got separated from my dive master and started to panic. Then I remembered my training, waited in place for awhile, then slowly surfaced. The panic seemed overwhelming, until I focused on my breathing. Whew. My dive master said "you did good--if you can dive here, you can dive anywhere", which made me realize getting lost in the murk and surviving was likely a regular occurence! A few months later, I was diving with a group in Mexico, and my dive partner started to panic, she couldn't regulate her BCD and kept floating up. I grabbed her hand, pulled her down to depth, and hung onto her for the remainder of the dive. We were both able to enjoy the dive, and her panic ceased. We learn, we share. Thanks for sharing you.

We've lived all the lives, done all the crimes, and they come back to haunt us via panic attacks. Like you say, just let them pass. You'll be stronger. Easier said than done ;)

I'll swap business panic attacks for Iceland scuba panic attacks any day :)

Wonderful piece of writing and sharing the experience. Good food for thought, as always, Derek. We are learning for ever.
Thank you. Take good care of each other.

Derek,

You suffered a panic attack caused by "oxygen-starvation" All humans when frightened tend to hold their breath. You can't go more than a few seconds before your brain runs out of oxygen, then panic sets in. That’s exactly what happened to you…

I had a great mentor help in how to cope with this situation. The “navy seals” breathing technique is basically what we were taught to use. It's called box breathing. Try to learn it. No other technique works as automatically as this. Learn this and you’ll never suffer from panic again. That is, unless you want to…

Here's the link;

https://quietkit.com/box-breathing/

Beautiful post, Derek. :) Thank you.

Great stuff Derek. We all feel fear (especially diving). Glad you we're able to take a few deep breaths and learn from your teacher/pass it on.

Keep it up,
Cheers

Cool post. Coincides with unfamiliar territory in my life. New emotions, good and bad, both causing fear. Just got to surface, breathe, and go back in.

Derek, Thank you inviting me to this beautiful blog post !! Is it complete ?? YES in many ways :) For me it needed the comments to clarify many aspects of this amazing adventure. One that I never had and probably never will. However, thanks to Steven in comment 5, I remember that I have had the greatest adventure in my life so far, after 82 years !! Like Steven, I also found Sukie Baxter's videos on youtube and she changed my old neural pathways just a few months ago. I had a pattern of chronic pain EXACTLY where it had always been since 1961 !! Sukie has changed my life as much and as effectively as you have. Thank you for your wonderfully unique andventures.

I think what you wrote here is beautifully expressed, absolutely perfect and truly inspiring Derek; I wouldn't add or change a thing -- bravo my friend!!

Nicely written!. In any of such panic situation another alternative quick solution is, to forget everything around you and start concentrating on breathing. With every breathe, try to take longer breaths. Its magical remedy, works every time!

What about the initial idea made you think it would make you feel good to do it having never scuba dived before? What did you not expect about the experience that made it feel bad? How did you feel about these two aspects after your teacher helped you regain calm? If you were to add to this piece I find myself asking this.

Nice timing on this one. I am in the midst of dealing with panic attacks over real life situations that are so much simpler than diving to 40 meters of darkness in massive suits; they are basic social situations no one would think twice about. I'm not sure if this makes me feel better or worse, but I can vouch for deep breathing being the first tool in the toolkit.

nice post. useful post.

Derek,

This is a post about scuba diving that is not about scuba diving. Thank you!

This makes me think of bitcoin's occasional deep dives: it too becomes dark and scary. When it goes up, however, we think we can get to the moon and see beauty around us once again.

The tale of a person becoming acquainted with an aspect of reality they did not suspect, and intagrating its existence through imitation of an ideal that was shared by someone who is already wise to that aspect. As the top boy JBP says, we cannot escape our ideal and I'll add to that, if we can't create the ideal ourselves we will imitate the greatest ideal we can find. P.s I think Derek has actively or inadvertently seriously helped people be in touch with their own ideal and for that he's a hero in my books. Great post.

I think it’s complete and a healthy lesson but also uncomfortable to read. If that was your intent then well done.

Thank you Derek! This post reminds me how many of my painful past experiences have given me the power to assist others who are navigating through the same path. I'm trying to think of a better word than "thankful" for my personal tragedies but I'm grateful that I'm able to help the people around me who are experiencing the same thing. I don't feel like I'm "underwater" as much as I did. We really seem to be the same. We likely all experience similar problems. It's just a matter of who got into the water first.

Thank you for sharing your story Derek and being vulnerable, open and curious. So helpful. Much needed.

Thanks for sharing this story Derek - Inspiring and useful when I am coaching my clients.

I’m really impressed with the thoughtfulness of the above comments.

The only edit I would encourage is a slight language change around it being a panic attack. It seems that some others feel that I might not have been a panic attack and it doesn’t matter anyways. I’d suggest referring to it as “I think it was a panic attack”.

Otherwise I think it’s fantastic, memorable and useful. Thanks for inviting me to read it, Derek.

This is beautiful Derek. Thanks for sharing. As I was reading I was thinking this can t happen to me. by god's grace I have not had a panic attack yet and I have been judgemental in my mind about panic attacks. Reading this opened me up. Thanks for helping me grow. Cheers.

Great story Derek! I think everyone can relate.

It's good up to: "Once above water, she ripped off her mask. She frantically said, “I don’t like this! Too dark! Too cold! Too many clothes! It’s too much!”

After that, you might just say something like: "I knew what to do." Otherwise, all the explanation is about you and your learning experience. And you are repeating your first paragraph.

In Your Music and People, the explanations are marvelous. [I've read the book cover got cover twice now.] But, I feel in this sort of narrative, it's banal. Let the Panic Attacks do the talking. Most of your readers, if they have not had one, know somebody who has. Those are my thoughts.

Derek, You ask what you could add to this piece. I would hope people linger on, or go back to, "things" like panic, addiction and depression: To increase their own list. I would hope people linger on "roles" like teacher and counsellor:To list still more. But that's up to them. When the student is ready, the attention span will appear. Derek, you don't need to put in a blinking light.

This is a good piece. If a friend and I were not rushed, if we were sipping beer under palm fronds, but without a looming appointment to, say, catch a bus or a scuba class; if we felt permission to think and remember amidst the safety of generous time for listening to each other, then this piece could lead to a very satisfying conversation.

Any quick memories I might type about myself, here in cold print, would be too personal, too egotistical-seeming, or take too long to explain....

I read a lovely poem the other day. It’s author was talking about kindness and how hard times crack us open and make us kind, so kind that it flows naturally. The upside then to weathering a storm within is being able to help someone else and understand what they are going through, which you demonstrates beautifully in this post.

Hey Derek,

Lovely piece of writing.

I'm also taking swimming lessons at the moment. I felt the same when my instructor asked me to swim long distance. I was not comfortable in keeping my head under water. I just didn't like the feeling. I wanted to quit, but held on my nerves. Now I enjoy swimming everyday!

I guess I also had a panic attack in a swimming pool as well!

Somewhat similar experience. I was visiting my brother in Grand Turk (small island). I borrowed his snorkel gear and headed for the beach. No one around. Unfortunately it had been windy the day before so the water wasn't clear, I couldn't see well. In fact, I couldn't really see anything and had no clear idea of how far away anything was. All I saw was the water equivalent of a thick fog. Suddenly my fear rose because I couldn't tell if a predator was 10ft away for 100ft away. No sense of depth or distance. Once my fear rose I couldn't get rid of it despite rationalizing that I was perfectly safe. I called it quits for the day.

Beautiful! Complete :)

Complete. Nice as well

Good advice, well put. Slowing down and breaking the vicious cycle of panic — with inspiration from nature. Happy that you liked Iceland.

This is awesome, great approach, application and progression. This is applicable to so many situations.

So interesting to have such a novel feeling strike you, only to turn around and the next day be able to use that experience to help someone else. It seems like with life, most of the time, a long time passes between those 2 events of being the helped and being the helper. When they happen so close together, it’s a lot easier to empathize and it feels validating too. Kind of like getting sick and remembering how awful it feels and feeling more empathy for the next person you talked to who got sick. I think the post is wonderful and is great how it is, and yet I would still love to see future blog posts on the experience of having something happen to you (panic) that you never thought would and all the lessons we could take away from that alone. Thanks as always Derek for the sharing!

Beautiful, I'll carry this with me. It reminds me of a short story by Theodore Sturgeon,The Man Who Lost the Sea (which story I would recommend reading, but not reading about, for the way it unfolds.).
Thank you.

Powerful story! Thank you for sharing this. I have only experienced a panic attack once and that experience became a great lesson about listening to my instincts. Feelings, even negative ones, are meant to be felt. Ignoring them and putting a brave front can be dangerous to our physical and mental health. It is okay to feel the feelings and it is okay to ask for help.

Argh anxiety, the wretched beast. You really took me on that journey Derek, it's such an important thing to talk about, I didn't think I was that kinda person either, until I discovered I was. And you're so right, sharing the tools learned with others in the same situation is such an important thing to do. I could have read a lot more of the story - but also, yes it is complete.

Hi Derek!
This story reminds me of my first panic attack being awake, I’m installing new copper pipe at my friends George house in Long Beach with crawling space under the house with a few tight spots where the footing and floor joist meet. During a midday assembly I forgot to put on my respirator because of the dust crawling around. I had just finished of one section under the house an created a lot of dust and found my myself hyperventilating trying to get out for fresh air, on my way out I got stuck between the floor joist and the foot complete panic, screaming for help knowing no one was home. Lucky for me George came home for lunch and heard my screams and came down to talk me down so I could get through the tight spot. He talked to me and explained that I had to breath out completely in order to get lose and through. He was very calm and I knew of his service in Vietnam as a tunnel rat two tours and all the stories he had shared with me through the years. After that experience I always double check any entry to crawl spaces and if I ask anyone else to get in and under any tight spots making sure I’m in communication with them at all time. I use this experience in my life all the time now to assist others regardless of what the circumstance is. We all get stuck from time to time and being able to listen and also creating a listening in other is how we communicate. Thank you Derek and all others for sharing.

I remember diving in the Florida Keys back when I was doing it a lot with my photographer friends. At a particular reef, I saw the resident hammerhead shark overhead for the first time. it was about 13 feet cast a very large shadow. My friend Larry signal to me to lie on my back in the sand and just watch everything go by including the shark who was benevolent and yet awesome. I probably would’ve had a panic attack even though intellectually I knew what to do in that situation.
Larry taught me how and when to become a relaxed observer.
The skill applies to many other life situations.
We learn to recognize fear as imaginary at best. And hopefully we pass that knowledge or habit on to others.
Great story

Being a Scuba Diving Instructor (MSDT), I understand this situation rather well & it's not unusual! It's more typical for newer divers, but even experienced divers can occasionally experience panic when/while being in the wrong frame of mind. Your instructor was clearly aware of this and luckily, he was able to help you deal with your situation effectively. Congratulations in getting past this obstacle! Because once you've conquered it once, it's much easier the second time around. Keep diving & enjoy!

Empathy and teaching are skillsets that can be learned through experience. Thank you for sharing, Derek. :)

The story is beautifully written and a joy to read. Yet, the main takeaway is that your instructor, and later you, were able to model calmness and use their experience to change the affect of others.

The daughter of a friend and neighbour had a panic attack last week because she had become overwhelmed with college work. The parents went into anxious 'parent mode', labelled her as being on 'the autistic spectrum (who isn't?), rushed across the country to see her, alerted the college counsellor, brought her home for a few days . . . I'm sure the list is still expanding.

If only they also would have been able to model calmness, and use logic to help their loved one overcome their problem.

Loved reading your whole experience. Every person has weaknesses and strengths. Its only a matter of the right circumstances that puts one there. Sometimes you do not get to be in those right circumstances even for a lifetime. Your weakness never comes forth and you emerge as a strong person.

It’s a lovely post Derek. But I’m not sure what you had was a panic attack. It sounds like you become overwhelmed with fear which may or may not have been a panic attack.

The point is still solid but it think it’s important we make distinctions around certain experiences. I’ve had a couple of panic attacks during very challenging times in my life. A few mins of looking around helped but my nervous system was incredibly amped up I wouldn’t have been able to reengage in a strenuous activity.

Perhaps you did panic. But experiencing panic and having a panic attack are different. A distinction worth noting. Great post either way.

Love
Toku

I can relate to your story. I had a similar panic attack while swimming in Hawaii. There was a big storm coming so the surf was way up, but I decided to jump in for a swim anyway. The waves were crashing and the undertow was fierce, and I couldn't get back to the beach. The more I struggled the worse it was, and I suddenly was in a total panic knowing I was about to drown. Luckily, for some reason, my mind went calm and I stopped fighting the waves, my whole body was limp and relaxed, and I just tried to lay back and look at the sky. After a bit a big wave tossed me up on the beach like a piece of wood. So the lesson was the same, even though nobody had taught it to me: If you relax in a panic mode situation you may find a way out of it. I think the Lord was my teacher that day.

As I suppose many divers (most?) do, my uncle has a diving story about making a series of bad judgement calls (starting with diving alone in a moment of "I just need to get away from this") that led to him sitting on the bottom of the ocean exhausted, panicked, and nearly out of air, unable to get out because a storm had blown in, and believing he was living his final moments. Once he settled himself and resolved that this was it, as he watched the waves crashing above him at the surface he found the most clarity he had ever had. He survived, but by shear chance. Your story reminded me of the memory of his story. Your story was beautiful - Thank you!

A very good post and very insightful. I had a very similar situation the other day and somehow by keeping calm the solution came to me. Your email came in when I was telling someone about it. This is an important lesson. Panic and fear and anxiety constrict the flow. When you calm down there is a way for the solutions to cone through. It is as if calm and balance itself is a portal.

I've been triggered not into panic so much as deep anxiety at loss of control in an experience that is very different to anything even sensed before. We know the world through our senses so I guess your brain was urging you to recalibrate or get the hell out! So good that your dive-instructor had the wisdom to distract your senses to that which was known so you could get back some control. PS Glad you got certified. The underwater world is glorious.

This is pretty complete, Derek. It's also very familiar to me, as I've always thought I was very level-headed until these past 2 years. In a strange way I'm relieved that I'm apparently more vulnerable than I had thought I was. It's made me more empathetic toward people around me that experience the same wrenching discombobulation, and helps me be that voice of reason like your teacher.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Derek and friends.

I’ve had a 40 year career as a musician. Back in 1987 when I was 26, I started having daily panic attacks. It went on for about 2 years. The regular medical doctor put me through lots of tests but nothing physical seemed to be the cause. I had to sort it out an other way. Through a library book called “Happiness “ by Harold H Bloomfield, I discovered Trancendental Meditation. The book is now out of print but was a fascinating look from a doctor’s perspective on the “fight or flight” response, and all of the science behind what meditation does for a person. Dr Bloomfield had been prescribing TM to his patients and instead of coming back for more perscriptions, they were simply getting well and didn’t need to come back.

Such has been the case with me as well. I never had to go back to that dark place. There have certainly been some stressful parts of life’s path. I toured internationally for 15 years. Had lots of money struggles. And of course everyone can relate to the stress of these past few years from covid-19. However, I’m still making my way with no Ill effects. Just getting stronger and happier day by day.

Back in the 1960’s, Maharishi‘s work with the Beatles was highly publicized. Anyone who is highly regarded will find themselves in the line of critical fire. However, I for one am so thankful that he brought this simple technique to the western world.

Here’s just one example of what meditation does for a person. Just 3 months of TM for 20 minutes twice a day will eliminate high blood pressure. Sure beats pills with unwanted side effects. My brother in law died last year from the combined side effects of two prescriptions. Not directly, but they led to dizziness which caused him to fall. He was a brilliant man with a doctorate.

I have a lot of respect for frontline medical workers. Sure would be nice to give them all a break.

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents. Love to all!

It was a nice read!
Recent years I have slowly grasped a better understanding of what empathy and patience are. These two important traits are usually ignored by my younger self.
Not sure if I ever had any panic attacks, but a few things in the article resonate with me.

"I thought panic attacks were for fragile hysterical people that can’t deal with life. I had never had one."

Since a few months I can relate to this. Will remember the rest of the story as a lesson. Wish I had a scuba instructor back then? But ok now.

It always amazes me how many lessons you pack into your bits of writing.

I have been struggling with empathy for a while, thinking why I’m not able to have empathy for people when I have not experienced their emotions, but this post gave me a cue: What if I was the person that thing happened to? I’m a human just like them, I may feel like them in my life too.

We sometimes put ourselves at so much distance from others that make us forget we are human too, we are more similar than we think, we just need to acknowledge that.

Amazing story and storytelling.

Very dynamic lesson learned well. Very astute on how people who have dealt with major challenges become counselors and coaches as I find myself now. I am learning that it is true that those who have transcended grief, abuse or other hardships and come out whole are often very empathetic. For myself, I have learned from many such lessons and I have survived well and built up my bounce back muscles. Now I have a passion for helping others start learning to build their own bounce back muscles before really hard lessons (i.e. disasters, tragedies and the like) because once you know how to move forward regardless of what happens, it is very empowering.

I am sure you feel empowered from the lessons you learned. You are better prepared for the next time something sets you off, it is within you now.

So I think this chapter is finished well, it is quite moving. But you will maybe writing other chapters in the future, life is full of surprises and not all are pleasant.

Life should go on and if we can set the battles aside, we can live strong and resilient into our futures.

This completely resonates. Thank you, D.

I once met the former world record holder in apnoe diving whom we took out to ski - and doing a skiing race following his reward ceremony. Unfortunately he crashed and got a minor injury (patella ligament strain).

This was a completely new experience for him he stated. Having an accident and just getting injured - not to die right away.

And this is the key point imho. To be faced with an ultimate result, the lethal outcome if something goes wrong - or the hypothetical possibility of it. We nowadays are not threatened in such a way in our daily life anymore - that if something happens where we don't have any control or can put ratio behind our instincts kick in.

And as you put i it needs some reflection, cooling down and maybe trying to discover what unsettles you to go on. have fun and stay safe

My thoughts mirror Rhan’s. Reading this post got me a little emotional. Thank you for sharing this. It’s very insightful and some great lessons to learn from. Now you’ve made me want to go scuba dive there too, it looks so beautiful!

Derek, I can see your point, couldn't empathize more with you..
The role of a teacher is so central and can mean the world to a student who feels lost and disoriented both literally and metaphorically.. keep sharing your thoughts with us, you have a flair for writing ✍^_^

It's frightening but at the same time fascinating to experience, how our body sometimes do things against our will.

I'll remember the Teacher's advice, it is profound.

And about story-I feel it's complete.

I'm not sure if that was a panic attack. Here's a visual description of my first panic attack that turned into 15 years of chronic heroin addiction. It might give you a better feel of what a panic attack feels like.

"There were five of us in the office that day, and we were laughing about something we saw on TV. I was standing in the middle of the room, and in the blink of an eye, I began feeling detached from my body. My vision went blurry, and I felt as if I had lost control of my limbs. I ignored the sensations at first, thinking it would pass, but it grew stronger by the second.
Suddenly, my chest began to tighten and I found it difficult to breathe. ‘I feel fucking weird,’ I said, nervously. Two of the lads start laughing, thinking I was taking the piss. I could see and hear them, but it was as if there was a barrier between my sensory experiences and the real world. Everything seemed fuzzy, and their laughs sounded terrifying. ‘Seriously, something is very fucking wrong here,’ I said, with greater urgency.
Everyone still thought I was messing around, except Kim, my boss. She knew that something was wrong, something serious. We were quite close and I think she saw the fear in my eyes. She asked me if I was okay. I wasn’t. I was petrified, the most terrified I’ve ever been in my entire life. I thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke, but the macho side of me decided to play it down: ‘Ah, ye know what, I’ll be grand. I just need a bit of fresh air.’
I ran down the stairs and out to the back of the building. There was a little boiler room outside, where we used to hide when we were having a cigarette. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, so I climbed in. It was a horrible room, dark and damp, with a big rusty water tank, and cobwebs everywhere. Not an ideal place to have your first panic attack, but that’s where I went.
I leaned against the wall and tried to steady myself, to get my bearings, but the attack was only starting. It was like an opera song gradually reaching its climax, or a roller-coaster steadily climbing to the top of the hill, before frantically hurtling to the bottom. I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew it wasn’t over. Something was coming, something bad. And then it happened.
‘Oh my God. What the fuck is going on? I can’t breathe. What’s happening? Am I having a heart attack? Am I having a stroke? My head is about to explode. It must be a stroke. It feels like something is about to pop. Oh my God. Fuck me, my heart. It can’t keep beating that fast, can it? Jesus, I can’t breathe. What the fuck is happening to me? I’m dying, I must be fucking dying.’
My mind was in overdrive, intense bodily sensations driving every thought. With my heart pounding against my chest, it felt like my ribcage was being squeezed in a vice, with the lever pulling tighter anytime I tried to breathe. Chills were surging up and down my torso, and my face, back and hands were dripping with sweat. Again, I tried to get my bearings, to take a few deep breaths, but my vision was scrambled and I couldn’t focus. It felt like I was looking at the world through an old VHS recorder, with someone tapping rewind to keep me trapped in my new world. I was sure I was going to pass out, but finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it began to subside.
I sat in the boiler room for about twenty minutes. I was over the worst of it, but my nightmare wasn’t over. Throughout the whole ordeal, I felt a terrifying pressure in my head — that’s why I thought I was having a stroke. But the worst thing was the overwhelming sense of dread, of impending doom, as if my existence was about to end. I’d never felt anything like it, and both of these experiences stayed with me after the attack, along with a level of agitation that was now fully in my awareness."

Good story but not a panic attack, more like a built-in panic attack prevention instinct blessedly passed down to you through generations. Those who dont have that intuitional prevention and shut down mechanism, will eventually learn what it is their first time after days, weeks or months thinking they had gone insane and were actually strapped down to a bed in a paych ward daydreaming their existence.

It brought to mind this crazy urge we all have to keep us stuck to our comfort zones, even if actually popping these bubbles might take us to even more comfortable zones (blue skies) in short term.
These processes should become conscious habits. Not only for us but for our kids.
Maybe panic attacks are unconscious blockers for digesting new experiences that take us out of our comfort zones?

Your trainer=presence
Your panic=fear
Presence=awareness
Fear=darkness
Awareness is like a lit candle in a dark room. Little by little it helps you to transform the unknown into the familiar.

A present person=a model to follow
Empathy=interaction between presence and fear.

We all fear, we all connect when someone else faces fear in front of us.

I just got back from Iceland last week and now I have found another reason to go back!
This experience might be a good stimulus to explore some more of to how to live. In my work we develop models, we start with a calibration model that can correctly predict our target. But to prove that it works in different circumstances we have to make it robust. This mean adding in extra variation that does not explain our target and making it work under those conditions.
~

I will remember this when I take my lesson, for any skills I want to learn which I have to go through complete darkness first. Thanks Derek for writing this so that we can read and be a conscious teacher, anytime. :)

I'm 39. Last week I was diagnosed with clinical depression for the first time, although I now recognized that I have felt moments like this in my life.
I too got teary-eyed reading this.
I appreciate your newfound empathy with mental disorders.

I agree with some of the commenters here that it probably was not a panic attack per se, but I have found that such incidences can come back from deep memories too and in other settings. About 12 years ago, I was swimming across a lake, 500m in open water. I am a good swimmer, so I was not particularly worried about it, but I was swimming alone and the water was chilly. Somehow, I got about 400m in and the combination of cold water and being a bit out of breath hit me all at once and I felt very light headed and I had to stop. But you can't exactly stop in open water either and I had a ways to go too. It was seriously scary. I managed to float on my back and breathe and go slowly enough to relax myself and my thoughts. At a certain point, you do notice that death is possible if you do actually panic. There was no one coming to help. I managed to get to the other side finally and warmed up. But guess what? I still had to swim back, again alone and knowing I had the full 500ml to go now, not just 100m. I went very slow and steady and made it back all ok. I did not think so much of the seriousness of this event, but my mind had other ideas. Even to this day, when I get in cold water or open water, I tend to get this mild panic that I never ever had before. I have done over 200 dives before this event and for sure I would want to have some practice before getting doing a cold water dive again.

So many good comments already, and I’m only wondering what a BCD exactly is… to answer your question: a link to the BCD Wikipedia would help me focus on the essence of your story. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buoyancy_compensator_(diving)

I always thought depression was something that happened to other people.

But I'm four years deep in this mud. If nothing else it has taught me humility.

Thanks for sharing such a personal story Derek. I think we are fortunate in life when we find those teachers and rescuers.

This is amazing. I have been through though times during my startup journey and best thing I have done to have a therapist. When I sat there and start talking everything seemed less scary than I thought initially. Now I try. to help other founders by just listening and asking the right questions. This post is super helpful thanks

Beautifully written and the story is representative/symbolic of my life in the last year, when for a short time of about 10 weeks I underwent, unexpected, extreme stress. It was horrific. I have had to learn to let go, calm down, admire the view, regain my courage. My 'panic' is gone but there is residue left, it's less everyday (it's been nearly a year) and now I know, just like you, how to get to the surface and calm myself down and get a perspective (on the beautiful view...). You're right about how we, humans in general, think panic, anxiety and many of life's problems are for other (weaker, disorganised, less 'together')people than ourselves. I loved your story just for its 'surface' value alone (hee hee). You write so well.

I LOVE being on and in water. I also have a huge fear of drowning.
Every time I step into a canoe or onto a boat or SUP, or I am snorkeling in deep water, my body starts the panic and every time I work with it to calm it down again so I can just enjoy me and the water.
Can I explain it to anyone? No.
Until it happens to you it's something that one cannot imagine simply by someone 's description. One can only understand through experience.

I really felt this. I loved scuba diving in the pool in swimming togs, but then when I went in the ocean I was put in a wetsuit too tight to reach my regulator (if it fell out underwater, I wouldn't have been able to breathe), I panicked before we went under and bailed.

However, I do feel slightly better knowing that my instructor was fired the next week for unsafe practices. I trusted my instinct and I was right.

But how do we know if it's instinct or unnecessary panic? Sometimes it's hard to tell.

Derek, it's been a long time I read something like this. Having quit smoking for years now, you rightly pointed out, I sometimes act as if I was never the one who was addicted.
The post is definitely complete.
Panic attacks are real and quite common, if you haven't had one, the only reason is that you misinterpreted it.

I don't think it was a panic attack. Panic attacks occur when you think you're in danger when you're not. You had a perfectly natural reaction to a dangerous situation - being underwater, breathing through a tube and wearing gear that limited your movement. Only the Mariner in Waterworld can breathe naturally underwater, but remember, he had gills. :)

I like reading what you think about. Iceland is on my bucket list.
This made me wonder what you think this learning is preparing you for.

Writing from personal experience, like in your article, connects and resonates. Sharing your gained insights and vulnerability is powerful and engaging.

I think it is perfect as it is ☺

Thx for sharing.

Rick

Incredible! This made me realize I’ve probably had a few panic attacks only I didn’t ever think to call them that, though in hindsight they clearly were.

Also thanks for adding yet another place to my google maps “want to go” list.

Thank you so much for sharing the personal story. I remember when I was 10, I went to a river with my sister, and when she found me, I was in the middle of water. So frightened!

Not a scuba diver but a nice story. Thanks, Derek.

I've panicked diving. It's not a nice feeling.

Unfortunately, we are not as indestructible as we think.

So beautiful. I think it's great your teacher didn't let you just give up and that he 'pushed' a little (in his own calming way), even though you weren't comfortable.
That's going to be my takeaway from this article. I tend to prioritize making people comfortable. That's okay for some situations i guess, but in other situations it might be better for them if I push them a little.
Thank you for sharing!

Everyone else covered it well.

Thank you for this. I very much appreciate the metaphor of holding someone's hand through difficulty! It's a memorable image! I'm an extremely empathetic person, and it'd easy for me to imagine myself as the person dealing with difficulties and to then internalize some of their emotions. However, this negative flood of emotions is very challenging at times, as I can internalize it too astutely. Better to imagine myself as a soothing guide and deflect the negative emotional flood for both of us. I will try to remember this, although it is hard in the moment. But I think I'm learning more as time goes by.

Yes, we have to find our own "calm place" in order to help others find theirs. It's about making the person being helped feel heard & understood, while not feeling overwhelmed and incapacitated with emotional contagion.

Mindfulness activities definitely help with this. Going back to the "calm place" is essential.

Cheers!

Beautiful post. You should try freediving! :)

Love the way you transformed your fear into empathy. That little word which we hear so many times is sometimes misunderstood.
Thanks for this story Derek

Uuuhhh Derek, I love good adventure stories. They give deep insights indirectly in story-form which creates pictures in our mind that speak directly to our emotions and inner wisdom. And OMG, this is the first time I get to be a herolike character in an adventure... well if we would translate this into Joseph Campels hero´s journey I am even the hero´s mentor, because the hero is you going the whole circle from the ordinary world -> call to adventure -> refusal of the call -> meeting the mentor -> crossing the treshold -> test -> innermost cave -> the ordeal -> reward -> the road back -> return with the elexir. Beautiful.
From my point of view the story didn´t end there, because it was not unusual to support divers in the way I did back in those days as it was my daily bread to be a diving instructor and being able to help a diver to overcome his/her fears was the greatest kick in the job. However, it did not happen very often that I get an email from the diver (you) a few days later expressing his gratitude and appreciation in a beautiful way which then sent tears into my eyes and never made me forget this incidence and you.
Up until this day many years later when I read one of Tim Ferris´ books with an interview with Derek Sivers telling his story of CD baby and the deeper insights of that story.... while reading this I think... “wait a second isn´t this the guy that went diving with you and had the panic attack and wrote you this beautiful email?”
Then the circle closed again and I looked up your work and read your books and can only say “Thank you, I appreciate it very much!”

Well, well. Beautiful text. I got your point. However, I have known cases of experienced people who died doing scuba diving. So, maybe that subject deserves another text describing overconfidence?

Clear story Derek. Nothing to add.
In yr stories you so transparently show us your own path of development and growth and your gratitude from receiving them making those lessons share with us. So many of us have a chance now to gain without the pain.
Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Very succinct and complete.
Its interesting how your new “comfort” level went from —at the surface of water to a sunny spot 10 m above!

You are a very self-aware person. Reminds me of few lessons I learnt and still struggle to implement.
Watch your feelings/thoughts - Put it in a boat/leaf/clod - Watch it pass/fly-way.
Gratitude - Be thankful for what you have !
Stop and smell the roses.
You suffer more in imagination - Seneca

Thanks for reminding me to constantly expand my comfort zone!

Wonderful article. The sentence with “the power of imitation” could be changed to “the power of modeling someone else’s behavior, and then being able to access and apply it in the future”.

There are only 3 positions (Shakespeare calls them “roles”) (with subsets and variations): (1) victim; (2) rescuer; and (3) betrayer. The ticket to flexibility and freedom from (and freedom while playing the different roles) is to transcend all the identification with any of the roles. Play the roles, recognize you are playing a role.

The presentation of wisdom
That lead into a real liberty level
From the scuba teacher

And the investigation of what transpired

Thought provoking

Loved the essay! The panic is real, you never know you would experience and once you do, nothing makes sense.

Feedback because you asked:

It's beautiful despite being a bit longer than your usual blog post and being focused on 2 core ideas instead of the usual 1.

"But sometimes life puts you into that role."
-> Sometimes life gives you an opportunity to fill that role.
[Because life can put you into that situation but you have to choose to fill the role.]

Thanks for this

Thank you for sharing that experience.
The message behind the story is very true and it can be difficult for others who have not been through something like that to really appreciate it.
Keep doing what you are doing.

Great story Derek. Wisdom Rocks!

Beautiful post, I have felt this feeling of claustrophobia and panic (driving in tunnels in Iceland!), it's very uncomfortable. Maybe this comes with age, sometimes I also think this is genetic.
Logical thinking and deep breaths (taking charge of the breath) to calm the limbic system tend to work for me.

This is a great piece of knowledge Derek and again the simplicity is beautiful. Something practical we can all keep and use, both for ourselves and others.

Thank you for writing this, Derek.

I can really relate to this, especially in the last few years of my life. I've had a couple, but the panic attack that comes to mind most easily is the one I had at the opening event at my wedding (my wife's Indian - they wed hard). I used to think that panic attacks, addiction and depression were all things that OTHER people would experience, but that I was too strong for.

Boy was I wrong. But not about the strength bit. My definition for the word 'strength' changed. Or at least the examples I would give to explain it.

Similar to how there can only be courage if there is fear, there can only really be strength if there exists a force to push against. Choosing to fight depression, or learn from our panic attacks, or face our addictions IS a strength. After all, each of those visit us often when we're already mid-life struggle.

I think a key turning point is as you mentioned, by transforming from the rescued to the rescuer, and the counselled to the counsellor. Come to think of it, perhaps that's desirable if one hopes to live a life most fully.

I'm also reminded of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDnCnxCOPHA

Thanks again,

Matt

I also had a panic attack in the pool during my lesson - but i also went on to get open water certified- so i "get it" for sure. It might be interesting for you to tie together your learned insights with what is triggering these panic attacks - the commonly shared fear of death (death anxiety) we all have (common humanity) and that comes out/manifests in one way or another n our lives especially when under stress. Fear of death manifests in so many ways and this is one of them. Your healthy adaptation might bode well as a bit if "practice run" when you get to face the real thing (your own dying). You might consider bringing that idea into your blog?

I can totally identify with this.
Beautifully written.

This really touched me. I thought I was so strong in mind that I could never experience panic or depression. I’ve had so many changes recently including a big move, left a community, my work and now my marriage is wobbly. The panic and sometimes sadness would come out of nowhere during the day and it was everything I could do just to breath. Felt like I was drowning. Never thought it could happen to me. Thank you so much for this.

First, I love that you invite feedback from your email list. It left me feeling… valued. The questions lingering in my mind is this: is empathy about “now that I’ve experienced this *myself* I can validates that it’s difficult” or is I more “I’ve never been through that, but I can use my experiences and what you’re telling me to imagine how you must feel and that it’s possible I might do the very same thing in those circumstances.” I’m honestly not sure, but the latter feels more generous.

Thank you, as always, for starting this conversation.

Welcome to the panic attack club!

We have lots of tools, compassion, and empathy. Great explanation of how sneaky it can be when it happens, and I love how you ties it into being able to connect with others experiencing what you did, and others who you may have misunderstood in the past

Love this!

Healing anxiety through empathy, compassion and sharing experience.

Hi Derek! I’ve known you through articles and writing and music for years. I’ve seen you make money, help people in music, and share your life and humble wisdom with others. You encourage me—and everyone—to love and learn and love. Your life matters. Thank you for seeking every lesson a human can find, and sharing it selflessly. Amazing.

I think the take away is that we are not alone. My husbands rock bottom moment came when he uttered these words “I can't do this.” I said good, you are realizing that without God it's impossible to do this, so relax, let go and allow Him to do it with you. The panic of experiencing life on this earth alone with no safety net is terrifying. But God's message is always, “I am with you.”

Life does not happen to us, but for us. You went trough all that so you could help that german girl. Lovely story, thanks for sharing!

A thoughtful and emotional experience for sure. I am a daily (mostly) sea swimmer here in Ireland. I regularly see and hear people struggling with initial challenge of entering the water and initial shock of the cold. I try to help by pointing out that the vast majority of people - just like them - love the experience, and the feeling ntye get from swimming in cold water, and come back for more. I never dewll near the waters edge. I always try to dive straight in. Expect the cold and embrace it. Without the drastic change to my environment, I won't get the sense of elation and achievement by facing up to the challenge and pushing through it. One goes hand in hand with the other. A small moment of discomfort or shock to the body is the price for the reward of many hours of well being and reset to the brain and body. Is this the same as many other challenges we face or with things we experince - by choice or by chance? We can all be vunerable and exposed to feelings we don't recognise and its how we come through these moments that can define how we deal with things thereafter and change the narrative of who we are and how we react.

The excitement, the panic, the cure, the lesson, the growth from it all.

The circle is closed.

Your article is complete

Derek,

Such an awesome story, of course I felt like I was there with you :)

I'm so glad you completed your scuba diving course, and even more glad that you helped someone else and became the teacher.

Talk soon :)

Z

Great article Derek. I've been in situations like that, maybe we all have. Good job on calming down the German girl. Very kind of you.

Matt

Derek thanks for sharing your experience. It confirms no one is too big, old or intelligent etc. to learn new concepts/techniques that would assist them to get back focus on their original objective(s). Bless.

Sometimes we are put through events in life to benefit the universe, because we have been privileged to be chosen. Hence why we should always be patient and compassionate. Even when things are happening to us.

Hi Derek,

I am left wondering why you thought panic attacks were only for fragile hysterical people. It also makes me think what other things people have not experienced but yet pass judgement on others for. Very thought provoking.

Derek you described what precisely happens to many of us each time we attempt something new, unknown and which will change us and our perspective for the better.
We are ultimately the sum of the experiences we accrue and the knowledge we attain ,yes?
New things are scary but that’s our head , our comfortable mind playing tricks on us isn’t it?

Is it weird that I started feeling claustrophobic after reading all the comments (and thinking, "This is one of the reasons I don't publish as much as I'd like.")? Then I remembered ...

“Look around. It’s a nice day. See those mountains over there? It’s beautiful here. Let’s just relax for a few minutes.”

Complete. :)

Derek, very generous, thank you.

I am a certified professional coach. One of the foundational principles of the profession is that people are resourceful and have full creative powers within them to get where they want to go. AND, we all get blocked, from time to time, from accessing that creativity.

Your instructor helped you through your block in that moment, and you were able to get to your inner resources as a result. You paid it forward when you helped the other diver. In my opinion, that makes the world a better place. I'm glad to hear these stories. It gives me hope.

Influence: we all have influence in the world, we influence others, we are influenced by others. Sometimes we allow our fear to exert influence and we bring the world down. Sometimes we can choose to relax, reconnect our insides, exert influence to help ourselves and others. We learn little tricks and workarounds and then we teach them! No one does it perfectly or always, everyone fucks up sometimes. That's life. We then get to re-decide how to use influence next go-round.

I think the article is complete and gorgeous.

On a whole other topic, I had another diver teach me a trick for getting into a wetsuit: put a plastic grocery bag over your hand or foot first, and then pull the sleeve or pant leg on. The plastic makes it slide on so easily! Put the plastic bag back in your kit and use it again next time. Pass it on. ☺

Love this, Derek. What I love most is to see how you're always learning. Always seeking growth. Always curious. We're reading Walter Isaacson's Leonardo Da Vinci in my Life as a Scholar class. You remind me a lot of him. Guess that's why your book "Anything You Want" is required reading in that class too!

Thanks, as always, for the inspiration.

P.S. I travelled the world for 5 years playing music on cruise ships. Dominica was one of my favorite islands. Champagne reef was a great dive!

Derek, I’m on a few lists of people whose work, perspectives and thoughts I admire and feel I might benefit from. On that pretty short list, there is one person who is the living embodiment of humility, one person who doesn’t tire me with the endless perfection implied by their advice, one person who uses their platform as a hand extended to lift others up (rather than primarily as a crowbar to leverage lucrative sponsorships), one seemingly unique famous person who “teaches” by sharing his own trips and falls, and the lessons he thinks he may have learned, encouraging his friends to take away what they will from it, and share those perspectives so he and we all may broaden and grow from one another. Derek, you inspire humanity more than ambition, and that makes all the difference.

Not that it matters, but in Turkey last month, I jumped off a nearly 6000 ft mountain for the first time, and scuba dived for the first time. After being carsick, wearing a mask in a packed little bus winding up that mountain leaning over ever more precipitous cliffs, and getting ready to put my head under the sea for the first time trying not to panic about my access to air being only via one specific action (try it and you’ll see how tough it is at first!!), I could feel in my bones what you were describing here. But in a deep, dark sea cave, I saw an giant, deadly, proud and regal lionfish in the wild, and shared a moment of watery wonder with my instructor. And on the second trip up that mountain to jump again a couple days later, I found myself sitting next to a Russian man who was clearly nervous. I speak just enough Russian to help him trust the pilots of the paragliders, and he jumped off that mountain and into the person he wanted to be. Just as I had done and was doing again. Thanks for inspiring us to both grow by stretching ourselves AND to lift one another up, Derek. You are making a difference.

Thanks for sharing your experience. You definitely panicked but not so sure if it should be called a panic attack. A panic attack feels like your heart is beating out of your chest, like you are trapped in your own body and the world is closing in on you. It could also come on by seemingly innocuous triggers, which just adds to it's torture. The fear of having one becomes a second form of dread,fear and anxiety.

I really appreciate your experience. I just don't want it to go the way of ADHD or OCD; people just casually say they have it because they're a little neurotic or distractible.

Derek:

Thoughtful piece about fear and how to deal with it both for oneself and others. Your life lessons throughout your writings continue to amaze with their simplicity, emotion & resonance. Keep it up!

Thank you, John

Derek:

I also meant to say it’s mind blowing that my note to you is #210 in 24 hours…you are cared for, young man!

John

WE live in the real world but there is another spiritual world that we really belong to. Making contact with that second world while still living in this real world can be disturbing and cause anxiety, fear and panic. The unknown can be a little scary, you are in contact with some thing you are not familiar with, out of your element, your comfort zone. Once getting use to the the unknown surroundings you will wonder why you were scared in the first place.

What perfect timing for me to read this post. I've been going through a few panic attacks myself lately because of all the pressure I feel from school. I'm going to remember this story next time I feel overwhelmed. Thanks Derek.

The story was encapsulating.
It sounds like the thick dark environment caused loss of control with fear setting in quickly and the need to escape the uncertainty and possible anticipated consequences racing in your mind, it evoked! This was the fright response of the autonomic system.
Having an escape to the surface was the flight response to get to a place of safety.
Your teacher taught you immediate coping strategies. In order to override the fear he led you to a view of the beautiful scene above to calm the fright response so emotions and body to maintain equilibrium.

The cycle of fear, fright, flight has been so well demonstrated in your story.
Your Teacher was an expert. Although he wanted you to complete your course, he taught you key coping strategy skills for deployment. Fortunately you had the confidence to you implement your lessons learned soon enough. This would have consolidated your learning and now incorporated into your tool kit of life survival.
This does not mean that you are prone to panic attacks. Only that there is a potential for such an experience to recur when you encounter circumstances beyond your immediate control.

Thanks for sharing your experience Derek.

Dear Derek:

You stated, "I thought that was for other people. I thought I wasn’t that type. Why is this happening to me?" You're HUMAN aren't you ? Wasn't it happening to you because THE BODY's One ! Your body from head to toe is integrated, interactive, and intertwined. "Panic Attacks" "Stress" is all part of our human body. Health care often proclaims false sentences like, "The Head and the Body". No, there is no Head and the Body. There is one Body from head to two. If you ever want to go further on this subject you could do a great service to humanity. Health Care is crowded and clouded with discriminatory, stigmatizing, and outdated terms like "Physical illness" "Mental Illness" Certain brain disorders get labeled "mental illness" even though they have a neurological basis. Let me stop right here. Derek. Go much further n another article. Help eradicate Health care misinformation. Science is finding out what God designed: The Body is one.

I like this part: "There are things in life we think won’t apply to us: Panic. Addiction. Depression." Victims of narcissistic abuse are often looked at by others as pathetic or dramatic. It's another situation no one understands unless it happens to them. It produces anxiety and depression simultaneously. So, it's interesting to read about someone's encounter with emotional terrain they've never covered. I like that you were vulnerable about your learning experience. I too can relate to this part: "I thought that was for other people. I thought I wasn’t that type. Why is this happening to me?" This is my favorite part: "But this time I knew how to take care of myself." That's the single most essential lesson of your experience for me. You often speak of trying new things, which can be scary. New hobbies, new endeavors, new careers. Even thinking about getting started can be anxiety producing. But I think you have the key to self care when it comes to challenging emotions: Go back up to a sunny spot at 30 meters, and sit there for a few minutes... look around, enjoy the scene, and relax until the feeling passes. Then dive back down and continue to explore.

Perfect. Though I have never dived, snorkeling is as far as I’ve taken my fascination, I have felt that panic numerous times in a multitude of situations. Don’t change anything. As usual you have been able to convey a relatable experience eloquently.
Thanks!

Great story as is, Sometimes we are meant to struggle so that we have the strength and wisdom to recognize when a fellow human needs our assistance.

So my friend… I love this post. Your writing reveals some things that touch me deeply.

Humanity is experiencing ourselves and others. Empathy is allowing ourselves to be “out there” with the other, and the other to enter “a space” in us. That “space” is a sacred space where another is held, whole and complete…it is a safe space that you offered while that other person “returned from panic” and was able to “gather themselves.”

All the while the presense of you, stands guard against fear and allows for comfort to set in and eventually finding themselves once again.

also in being able to use what you saw worked for you is brilliant.

There is a saying about generosity… “If you Teach a man to fish… well that does not always lead to generosity. In fact i heard it this way. “If you teach a man to fisth… well he’ll go out on his boat and drink beer all day and fisth.”

Want to end world hunger… “Teach a person how to teach a person how to fish.”

You are a generous soul. You gave something now that is sharable… how to “hold a soul…”

Would love to see pictures of your dive.

Peace-
JP

I think you captured it perfectly, the feelings, the anxiety. I experienced a similar panic attack once while snorkeling - can't explain it, my mind and body just left the rational me. Unfortunately, I didn't have such a skilled "rescuer" and am still very apprehensive about trying again.

For starters I want to say that Yes, this is complete Derek.

This article resonated with me so much. Three years ago my family was hit with a traumatic accident, one that turned our whole world upside down. I’m going to spare myself from rehashing the details right now, but during that time & actually even now I have found myself in a role that I never thought I would be in. I am the youngest in my family and after what we went through I suddenly took on the big sibling role, both emotionally & mentally (almost physically to, but I try not to let my brain go there, it’s those “what if’s” that can really hold you down). But when things in life happen, & you’re put in certain situations you really don’t even think about what your taking on, you just do it. It’s how we were created. To this day I am still trying to work through my own grief, but during the process I have learned so much about myself as well as my family, & I will be forever changed. As the human race we all have a lot more in common than we think. Empathy goes a long long way. . .

As always, thank you for your articles & for sharing little pieces of yourself with us Derek.

I am a relatively stable and relaxed man. I had a panic attack in Bloomingdale’s during Christmas time three years ago! It was terrifying.

Spent some of last night, into the night, reading “How to Live”.

I knew what the conclusion would be by the start of the book, but I was excited to get the confirmation.

And today this beautiful piece.

And this morning I made up my mind I want to move on from my current professional challenge! To go from the panic attack, to the calmness of the decision to the counselor/teacher.

I’m excited for the possibility of podcast recording with Henrique Moraes (Calma!), a friend I keep close to heart, who mentioned he got in touch with you!

amazing. Yes anxiety comes up for a lot of people for many reasons. Could be doing something new or something that triggers you from the past. This could be a post or turn into a book hahaha.

Thanks

Derek,
I had a similar experience when attempting to get my SCUBA certification many years ago. The cold, dark claustrophobia feeling in the natural environment was much different than the warm, bright openness of the training pool. However, I too made it through. I didn't have the experience with another person but I think it's great that you turned an initially bad experience into a great learning lesson. Thanks for sharing, bringing back some old memories, and reinforcing the need for empathy. Victim mentality seems to have replaced empathy so this piece is a good reminder of a much-needed passing virtue.

Looking around the room and observing the various objects and scenery is a common strategy taught too calm the sympathetic nervous system and engage the parasympathetic nervous system. Mental health education is immensely important and despite the name is very much tied to our physiology.

It's a shame our society perpetuates these ignorant and judgmental notions about mental health and doesn't teach the science surrounding the physiological ties, the nutrition ties and the trauma ties to mental health. It's part of being human. We all have a sympathetic nervous system, brain chemicals capable of being thrown off balance and coping mechanisms that shape the neurons in our brain.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience...I've learned over time that (almost :) everything I've been through is a gift in that it's made me so much more empathetic and a better human being. The ability to make it ok for others to not be ok is vastly underrated and needed, and you sharing this has just made it ok for so many more to do the same.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I felt very emotional reading this as I can relate so much. I recognized my first panic attack last year when I moved to a new house in the middle of the pandemic and I was spending my days working from home with basically no social interactions. I learned how to overcome those moments (looking at the things around me, heading off for a walk, breathing calmly) and they become rarer and rarer.

And yes, I think your article is complete and get straight to the point.

Derek, I have mixed thoughts about this as well as some others here. I have dived and got certified and understand the feelings of panic and anxiety as an instructor cuts your air tube to see what you do. I know that sensation of panic. I also have a very very close friend that suffers from panic attacks and I have been through at least a dozen with him and he really thinks he is dying and having a heart attack. There is no clear thinking as his bodily functions go into autopilot and he has no control over what is happening to him. I agree with your conclusions that this is a good story and good lessons to be learned from what your coach and you did but I do believe there is more to it and the severity of panic attacks and depression is something very difficult to understand if you are not prone to having it. I do love your story and the lessons if provides. Glen

Thank you, Derek, for a good story and for instigating a broad range of responses. I am planning for check out Steven's (#5) reference to Sukie Baxter's Vagus nerve exercises.

In your email you asked "I'm not sure if it's complete. Any suggestions?" I'd like to add several topics to the previous 200+ responses:

A. Cognitive biases, as in the Kahneman's and Tversky's school of Heuristics and Biases.

1. Confirmation bias. If you think of yourself "I am not a kind of person who gets panic, addiction, depression, etc." - you are less likely to put these labels on your experiences and more likely to use rational problem solving. This is a positive side of the bias. The negative side is that you may experience these problems and not seek help where it's necessary.

2. Loss aversion. (Sunk cost) After you have put your wetsuit and dry suit on, terminating a lesson is perceived as waste of your time and effort. Not getting a certificate is another source of potential loss. The negative side of this bias is that we sometimes persist in activities that we should drop regardless of what we have invested in them. The positive side is that it can force us to persist a little longer and achieve a goal.

B. The Stoics
A couple days ago I listened to Shane Parrish's podcast with William Irvine who wrote several books about the Stoics. Irvine offered several suggestions, the most relevant of which are know what you can and cannot control and choose the best option among those you can control. These suggestions appear in numerous sources and may seem like platitudes, but I think that when they come from the Stoics or Stoics scholars they carry extra weight.

When facing a panic-inducing situation, it helps to mentally step back and consider options under your control and their priorities. For example, under water, you have options (1) remain submerged and fight your discomfort and (2) request to surface - and you prioritize them according to your assessment of your state. Above water, you also have options (1) drop out from the class and (2) go under water again and see how it will feel this time.

C. Nassim Taleb's philosophy (Black Swans, Antifragility)
People have panic attacks from public speaking, from needles, in elevators, at heights, and other common situations. What distinguishes scuba diving from common environments is that you can die. The impact of Black Swans in this case is as high as it can be, even if the probability is low. It does not mean that one should not engage in scuba diving or other extreme sports but it means that one must be aware of the potential impact and reduce fragility by provisioning large margins of safety. These margins of safety may include more than one instructors and diving buddies, amount of air in the tank, not diving too deeply and, importantly, mental resilience. If you panic, or think that you panic, you lose your mental margin of safety and should replenish it.

When you are above water and consider getting down again, the calculus is different. You have tested your safety margin and it worked, you have replenished your mental resilience, and you know that your instructor is ready for your bail out if you choose to do so.

D. Mental models

1. Inversion. What do I assume about my scuba diving experience, and what if the reality were opposite of my assumption? What do I assume about my resilience to panic, addiction, depression, etc., and what if I am vulnerable to these conditions under certain circumstances?

2. First principles. What are the elements of my discomfort? Tight suit? Cold water? Holding breath and suffocating? The inherent risks of diving? Understanding these principles helps with applying the Stoics' approach mentioned above.

Keep up good writing, Derek!
Victoria

I appreciate this story, Derek. I especially value the realization that "the other" is us. We are all vulnerable, but it seems we need to experience our own challenge with awareness to fully develop empathy. And yes... I have become amn interfaith chaplain informed and "ordained," in part, by my own loss and myriad challenges, contemplated, supported and transformed into awareness, empathy and even skill in working with others. This is a great example of a compressed process of suffering, learning, transforming to a supporter of others. It also reminds me that the appropriate amount of compassionate challenge can be very helpful. I used to be more of a "coddler" supporter – "you want to leave?... let me help you leave right now." In this case the sufferer was given a gentle opportunity to turn back into the challenge in a manageable way. Just the right amount of that can be profoundly helpful, as it was for you.

Oh Derek, I so feel this. Diving has so many great metaphors for life. It can encapsulate the hero’s journey for some, or even just a Buddhist lesson or two. :)

I’m glad you got to have this beautiful-terrifying experience.

P.S., I don’t think I’ve had a panic attack I haven’t judged. I forgive that. It becomes part of the ordeal. I try to appreciate the beauty/function of the human brain—its ability to observe the body’s experiences (and judge them). :) AEJ

Great post Derek. You were very lucky to experience this with your teacher nearby. Some people go years without any help and one day end up realizing that life can be something more.
Thank you for sharing!

I have a fear of something like depth. It's funny, but it's actually a great feeling if you get over it. LOL

We come to a point in the road where our lives intersect and for that moment we share just a bit of ourselves with each other. It’s amazing that at this moment we’re able to share in your story and experience something that unites us.

Derek, Thanks for sharing! May many learn from your experience. You were lucky to have someone there to help you regain your calm. Lucky are those who will have you to help regain their´s. Having a panic attack on your own is a frighting experience. Take care and keep up the goog work.

Great read! It reminded me of my first scuba dive where I experienced a similar panic attack. I ended up throwing up. Luckily for me it was at the end of my dive.

I especially enjoyed the experience using empathy and applying it to come to the rescue of another. Great job because not everyone has that ability.

Regarding the article I thought it was great and wouldn't change a thing!

Take Care,
Sid

Beautifully written. Thank you for the lesson

After reading the thought that comes to mind for me is “same.” I thought anxiety and panic was an other people problem. I started having anxiety attacks about flying in my mid-30s after years of flying; I had anxiety about being alone despite years of solo living. There is much wisdom in the instruction provided you, that you, in turn, provided the young lady. I’ve found solace by continually embracing the feelings as they come up (rather than fighting them; which makes them worse for me). Viktor Frankl writes about a technique called “paradoxical intention:” in this approach the phobic patient is invited to intend, even if only for a moment, precisely that which he fears. Very well written as usual Derek!!

Hey Derek!
I'm mostly writing this to say I also had a panic attack while scuba diving in Sri Lanka. After surfacing we swam back down a bit and began the swim back to shore. I now mostly remember the view of the ocean floor on the way back. The fish and plant life. In memory it's quite serene and lovely haha but I commend you for going back! I spent the rest of the day on shore relaxing ;)
Chris

Without fear there cannot be courage ~ Christopher Paolini

Thank you Derek, for sharing this lesson with us all.

Beautiful. Empathy and compassion are the most profound of all human traits. They are what make us human.

Looks complete to me- good story and a great lesson, thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing. I think finding the ability to detach in the moment is the key. It allows for a different perspective and time to have your feelings and process them, instead of the feelings having you.

I think your story and experience makes us all think about our own courage or lack of it and that we should remember that without exploring the outer edges of our life there can be no new experience or challenge - I have never had a panic attack so it's hard to personally related but I am always try touched by your humanity and I think that the world has a lot it could learn from listening to you.

Keep speaking truth Derek and world please please keep listening!

Great application to real life situations. Taking a second, being mindful, and going deeper in the face of feeling uncomfortable. A lot of great parallels to entrepreneurship.

This made me cry, don't know why but it really touched me. Thank you Derek <3

Simple, personal, kind, useful, insightful.
Lovely. Thanks for sharing this.

Had been struggling with panic attacks for quite some time years back. It took me a long time to get over them, but in hindsight I'm happy I experienced them, because I got to learn all the great relaxation and breathing techniques to get rid of them. Great article btw ;-)

long time no hear. I can relate to it.

Had this exact experience when scuba diving the first time! Breathing underwater is seriously weird!!

Also, way to wrap it all into a great life lesson. Really nice post.

Great lesson.

Maybe your post needs a last sentence in which you provide more specific guidance - i.e. when life puts you in the role of teacher or rescuer - take it.

Reading this, I feel your panic - and your relief! It reminds me of an experience I had hiking up Half Dome in Yosemite. Towards the top is a metal rung ladder that’s attached to the mountain. I’m not sure how long the ladder is (long!) or how high off the ground (high!), but half-way up it, I panicked! I couldn’t go up and I couldn’t go down. People kept climbing around me until one man stopped and asked what was going on. I told him it was too scary being that high off the ground and I wanted to go down. He calmly told me I’d be fine, he’d stay with me to the top, and I’d really miss an incredible view if I gave up. After some time, I was able to continue - and he was right - the view from the top was even more spectacular than the view from where I was stopped (which was already pretty amazing). 40+ years later, I still think of that man’s kindness in helping a stranger calm down and do what she was afraid to do.

I love this story! I think it's complete in the sense that others can continue it. Does fear ever go away I don't think so, so can this story ever be complete. :) I can just imagine how beautiful the experience and place was. I totally can relate to this as I too have panic attacks now and I too thought I'm not that kind of person. I've had to talk myself off the ledge, at night, waking up in sweat and generally panicking about really nothing at all, just feeling overwhelming panic. When I broke my leg in 2005 I developed a fear of stairs, an uncontrollable fear because I could not trust my legs anymore nor myself. I had never understood 'fear' before in others thinking it was just something you developed and you could control. I was wrong. I became more empathetic and I consider myself an empath in general. Anyway, I built trust back up with myself and eventually over time, a long time I over came the fear of stairs. I have also learnt to breath and relax with my panic attacks at night and know they eventually go away, but they are still with me.

It is amazing what a person can will themselves to do. Last December I rushed my wife of sixteen years to the emergency room to discover that she had terminal multiple organ failure. After dialysis, we had a frank and loving discussion about her oncoming demise. I found myself to be calm, loving and supportive as she came to terms with her situation. I knew that she needed me to be strong even though all I wanted to do was collapse in grief. After a week in the hospital she was brought home for hospice care in my hands. I was wholly unprepared in training or emotionally to be a caregiver for my long-time partner, but I found a way because there were no other options. She spent one more week at home, our cat Maxwell cuddling with her every day. The lucidness that the dialysis had provided eventually wore off and she slept continuously. I held her hand and told her how much I loved her, along with giving her updates on life around us. As her oxygen levels fell I administered morphine to her in her sleep every two hours. After just one week she slipped away. It was impossible to comprehend that I had just ushered my partner out of our world, but life sometimes doesn't give you options.

Inspirational, as always, Derek. Thank you.

The way you wrote the story kept me captivated until the end. It feels as if it comes full circle. Has reminded me to be more empathetic, which I often forget when stress and obligations blind me. Thank you for this reminder.

This is a beautiful story Derek. Thank you for sharing your experience and in such a short time we all learned a lot for living that experience through your story.

Derek Thumbs up! Absolutely can relate to your experience and story as I’m sure most people have and will. Reminded me of a solo trip I decided to take to Mongolia nearly 20 yrs ago. Something I’d never done before but dreamed of doing. I left Ulaanbaatar with only a driver and translator in an old jeep. As the paved road turned into dirt ruts in the ground, we were surrounded by nothing but the endless open grassy steppe and clear blue sky. No phone, no gas station or roadside stands. No lifeline. Nothing but seemingly endless space. Unsure of what was ahead in the days to come, and suddenly I panicked- what was I thinking?! What did I do?! For a moment I wanted to tell the driver to turn around and go back. But then I told myself, NO. This has been your dream and you worked hard to get here. I took a few deep breaths and put my trust in the driver and translator. It ended up being a wonderful life changing journey! When I encounter people who are unsure about following a dream or are fearful of taking that first step toward one, I try to be supportive and encouraging to them. Cheers!

This line really made me think:

"There are things in life we think won’t apply to us: Panic. Addiction. Depression."

These are 3 states of mind that I am always trying to keep at bay. Anxiety in particular is pretty common in my field of study (Software Development). Would be nice to hear more about what your thoughts are about how to live with anxiety.

Very relatable great lesson. I often end up overthinking about all the inconveniences whenever I think of starting something instead of diving right in and enjoying it.

Hi Derek,

To answer your question, yes I think your post is complete. Even more so now with so many comments offering personal experience and shared empathy.

In 2018, I experienced panic attacks for the first time in my life. And once I figured out how to manage my anxiety, I realized that my experience had prepared me to be able to help others going through it. Over the last few years, I'm grateful to say that I've done just that.

Heather

Here's a public service announcement: Two or more readers referred to "flight or fight." Not so.
The updated version is "fight, flight or freeze." This is from science.

In the science fiction series about expendable explorers by James Alan Gardner the explorers are conditioned ahead of time to have one of the three responses in order to statistically increase their odds of someone surviving. (The series is no longer running,, but I really enjoyed it)

I recently read a creative nonfiction piece where the narrator is a housewife. When a child was injured, she would freeze while her husband would rush to act. Then she would do lots of action herself, after the freeze was over. Some folks speculate that women evolved a reaction of "tend and befriend."

Panic attacks are like depression and love, there does not have to be a trigger or an invitation.It comes when it wants.

I surprised my self tearing up reading this. It touched me deeply, and I cannot understand why. Maybe because it speaks of our primal fear, fear of unknown, of strangeness. although I have a love and hate relationship with water.

I think the story was wonderful and kept me fully engaged. What I found also incredible is the community you have created here and I enjoyed the comments as much as the story. I love what you have created here. Wonderful place for for people like me without the social media noise.

As I read your essay I chuckled because there were so many elements in it which I can relate to in my 40 Years of diving Experience. The first is why would you learn to dive in Iceland? My wife and I were there three years ago and we saw people in dry suits going into those cold holes. We have both worn wet suits and dry suits most of our diving time. I learned to dive in the Pacific Northwest which requires a wetsuit. Down here in San Diego you can often times go in without, and do a lot of places in the world without wearing one. But you did what you did and I admire you for doing it that way. Oftentimes, as a business coach, I find people want to go and do things the hardest way possible not that they don't know better but that's the challenge that they want. Other people go in on a whim and wind up doing it the most difficult way.

I've always found that either way you go into something, you need to know I would have come out of it. I've been on many Dives and I've had to rescue people, I've been down to 170 feet Which is far deeper than most people can or should go. And I've had panic attacks but I've always remembered to look up and keep breathing.

And that is basically what I tell my clients, look up and keep breathing.

Thank you so much for writing this post! I felt this exact thing 7 years ago when I first went scuba diving. I could never put it into words. Your blog post resonated a lot with me and it definitely gave me a new perspective. :)

Absolutely complete!! A Beautiful life lesson ….we can’t keep it until we give it away
Becky
Nov 17 2021

Somehow, your story touched me deeply, and I was not expecting that. I'm still trying to figure out why it hit me like a ton of bricks. However, I experienced so much beauty and emotion while reading it. Thanks :)

I love this story! Definitely complete. Thanks for sharing, Derek!

Hi Derek,
I never figured that you would be a type of guy to panic. You always tell us to get out of our comfort zone and if it scares us than do it. I've taken that on board. I personally think that you didn't panic. You got bored with other things on your mind. That's it.

What an amazing experience you recount, Derek. Thank you for sharing it in such a powerful and personal way. I felt like I was in the water with you. A great lesson too: whatever fears we may have can be overcome by courage, fortitude, and sound reason.

A very calming read Derek. I was there with you in those icy waters and there when you became anxious and panicked, wanting nothing else but to surface and quit. Returning the favor is a beautiful thing in life.
Having scuba dived as well and also having an experience in Mexico where I got a half-filled tank instead of the agreed-upon full tank, therefore running out of air at around the half way mark of our dive. Being a calm guy who is nonchalant about certain situations proved helpful that day. Our immediate reaction of escape and to run or swim out of the uncomfortable situation is sometimes very powerful. I do believe those that have gone through experiences can be the best teachers- using empathy to calm others who can't take the time to look around and see the peacefulness of a moment.
Kyle

Perfect by me Derek...thanks for sharing.

I loved it just as it is. A good lesson for all of us. I have had those awful attacks in the past and it's the loneliest feeling in the world. You had a good teacher and it was so wise to simply imitate him. In a way panic attacks indicate you are stepping outside your comfort zone which is always admirable and essential for growth.
Thanks, Derek!

Nicely done! You've described a diving experience I believe lots of us have early in our careers. As usual, your life lessons are well-written and beautifully taught.

Very powerful. The part about imitation / same scenario was mind-blowing. I will remember this.

This lesson can be applied to so many disciplines (MMA comes to mind for me). I feel like it is a lesson in suffering & reason combined within the context of a panic attack. As in, you need wisdom and intellect to break through human suffering and to turn a corner in discovery & healing. (sidebar on suffering: i think this is needed & part of being human: if you avoid it, you become less of a human & less sturdy / more fragile mentally & physically). thank you, Derek.

The list is necessarily incomplete because it's as infinite as the spectrum of human emotions and experiences. For every spot on that spectrum, there's someone who thinks "that only happens to other people." Including (unfortunately) joy.

maybe you experienced your panic attack just to learn from it and be exactly in that place at that moment when someody else needed your help, once again: thanks for sharing your experience and your thoughts, always inspiring.
I think the story is complete, it comes full circle.
thanks Derek

Derek,

This is written with such sensitivity and beauty! Thank you for the reminder of our common humanity. Even those of us who feel powerful, and imagine ourselves invincible, need to know that it's possible to experience moments of peak vulnerability - even if only for the ability to offer a higher level of compassion and empathy to others.

Thank you.

I nearly had a panic attack last week. I was walking around downtown looking for a birthday present for my wife and knowing that I had plenty of time to get to the doctor's appointment. Unfortunately, I had to park the car far from the store because there wasn't a free one close by. I got her a present and walked a long way for more than an hour to where my car was supposed to be. It wasn't there. I began to panic because I soon had to be at the doctor's office and it was very cold. I began to say the Baha'i prayer, "I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my guide and my refuge." I began asking everyone I saw if they could direct me to my landmark, but no one knew where it was. Then an older man and his wife drove up in an old pickup and said, "I found your car from your description. I'll drive you there if you get into the back seat." So he drove me straight to the car. In my great relief, I said, "You have really done a good deed today. Thank you so much." I was only 10 minutes late for the appointment. Prayer kept me from having a panic attack. I could feel it trying to take over.

Well written and a great message.
Thank you for sharing.

Great message Derek.....it´s amazing how we are all equal and at the same time so different from one another....

Very nice. Funny how that happens sometimes, going straight from one role to another.

Nothing less pleasant than "the belly of the whale" (your ice dark waters). Whales are beautiful to watch swim and breach the surface. Not much reason to go into the belly for an "experience" you don't need. I like the pleasantness of the view from the boat much more to see. Icy cold darkness wasn't meant for me.

This is a great piece. I do think it’s complete. The beauty of the mantra-like “Look around. It’s a nice day. See those mountains over there? It’s beautiful here. Let’s just relax for a few minutes.” More analysis of the anxiety distraction technique would diminish the power of the statement.

Wonderful and complete. Always inspired reading. Thank goodness for people who come along side us in life’s dark moments, talking us though racing thoughts and fearful concerns. What a beautiful reminder to heed them, be them and reclaim a larger vision in life. I enjoyed every word!

Not to spoil the moment, but I believe this reinforces my dedication to scientific research and studying people and experiences in many ways. While not everyone experiences panic "attacks" (which likely are named such for convenience and the way the words go together in the English language) everyone who owns a copy of the human genome will, in fact, experience something similar in life including but not limited to panic attacks. We can all get dehydrated, we can all lose our vision, we can all trip and fall. So why do we think that we are so different after all and why is there a superiority complex in some of us? Maybe for competitive reasons, maybe for spiritual reasons, maybe a combination of the two. Still, remembering that we are all humans and share a lot is like a superpower because it is in the recognition of our equivalent biological identities that we may finally see ourselves in others no matter who they are.

I think it's great perspective Derek,
more fitting as my wife suggested a visit just yesterday and the cold waters and hot springs are sooooo compelling to me. Last spring I was practicing the Wim Hof method too which you might find attractive too?
I've got some fitting interesting content to share otherwise as well, stay tuned for email and keep on keepin ON, learning, sharing, creating, writing,
all my best,
Jay

Derek, you have a wonderful way of simplifying anything and everything so that we ALL can relate and learn from you! You are simply an excellent teacher and I am so grateful to be on your list of admiring, learning fans! Never stop helping us grow, learn and thrive because you are the BEST at what you do! Your forever fan!


KC

I've never heard of such a lovely way to articulate one's panic attack experience before. It is achingly sweet! I thought about how your scuba diving journey began in the comfort zone and ended in the growth zone as I progressed more into the blog post!

Comfort Zone: The swimming pool - Tranquil and relaxation!
Fear Zone: The icy ocean - Panic and uncomfortable!
Learning Zone: Tobi's advice - Overcoming your fear!
Growth Zone: The crystal clear lake - Joy and empathy!

This taught me that stepping outside of my comfort zone and accomplishing something doesn't always imply accomplishing more significant goals. The movement from comfort to growth zone occurs frequently in our lives, even for minor things/actions; all we have to do is think about it and process it!

Hi Derek
Your post intriques me. I have long been terrified of exploring caves. No so much that I am claustrophobic but that the thought of tons of unfeeling rock above me leaves me feeling panicked. I was unaware of this until a friend of mine read aloud a poem she wrote about her experience caving and midway through, I panicked. It was like being there with her. I had no tools to handle the moment at the time and was completely unaware that I could even feel so distressed. I will have to modify your teachers examples but I like the way you changed them. You went up to a place where you sensed safety and stayed there until you felt safe. I think I can that too. Thanks

I enjoyed your essay.
Agree we play different roles in life …
I also recently had a panic attack for the first time and thought I was having a heart attack
I also believed panic attacks were what other people have.
So completely agree with you that sometimes we experience something ourselves and gain massive insight into the situation or experience and yes we gain empathy which can be transformative for us.
This was well written and very thoughtful

This is very very special.

For a billboard: “We’re not so different”
I could imagine many campaigns to help everyone in the planet to gain more empathy by realising that “ We’re not so different”.

Not those political or governmental campaigns telling you what to do or not to do: done smoke, hear a mask, drive slowly, etc.

But ways to create empathy so powerful that makes me realise that smoking is bad for me and my peers, hearing a mask is respecting others as well caring for me, or that I’m not alone driving and others might come by at any moment, or I might loose control.

Empathy is often really really hard.
It reminds me of the idea that one would benefit for a period in being poor, or having a death like experience to value life more, and so on.

Brilliant Derek. Thanks for sharing and for putting in the craft to make it short, compelling, vivid and like a short video that I imagine as I read.

Holy comments! So many so soon.

The question lingering for me after this - how do we create opportunities for people to see and experience teachers, so that they can learn to take care of themselves and teach/rescue others?

Beautiful Derek. Thanks for sharing your life experiences. I'm inspired to give scuba another shot. Had a few panic attacks before and never gave it a chance.

Also will think about what else in life I'm scared about. Grateful for you!

Thank you for sharing your experience of panic and empathy in a vulnerable way, Derek. It hit home, and reminded me to always do what I can to step in to "the other person's" shoes.

Thank you for sharing. I loved this article. It feels definitely complete to me, including a full story and an interesting piece of wisdom.
I tried scuba diving twice and had panic attacks both times after being underwater for about 15 minutes, but I'm familiar with anxiety, so it wasn't a big surprise. Congratulations on making it an experience of growth and empathy. Inspiring as always.

Seems logical that we don't fully grasp something until we experience it ourselves. I admire Tobi's response, but if he has seen students experience what you and the German girl did often enough, he should warn students this is a possibility and maybe dissuade them from advancing too quickly (to deep, dark water).

Thank you for sharing this very moving and personal story. Life indeed is but a journey of learning experiences and seasons of growth. It is through our trials that we grow and therefore, difficulties are merely the acquisition of elevation. Your short story encapsulates the thought of remaining calm in a storm and seeking the light. Turning to God and ignoring the noise is the best way to fight battles. Awaiting your next story

~ Ámory

A beautiful piece on how we often times just need a few moments to soak up the good things that life has to offer before going back into the hustle and bustle of everyday things.

I would not have thought that you could have a panic attack, I really see you as this 24/7 calm person, however we are all humans, so things can happen. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you for writing this and sharing your experience. I was moved me to tears when reading of the common humanity in your ability to help someone who was struggling with the same issues you'd encountered just the day before. All the best ~ Jane

Well, I've definitely not experienced thinking such emotions were for others since I had trauma throughout my childhood, and have been in depression/anxiety battles ever since, so discovering it in a benign way as an adult sounds.... sweet! But actually, I've heard from my Icelandic friend that that benign beautiful place in Iceland is in fact a really dangerous place to dive, with many deaths. I've gotten into snorkeling - still a bit of danger, but so low tech, which is what I love. I snorkeled Alaska this autumn, first with a wet suit (yeah, all that stuff to pull on and off, yuck) then the next day without a wetsuit. Invigorating! The body can handle things well without the brain fighting technology (I consider a wetsuit tech.)

Good writing, Derek. I'm an Icelander, and I have practically been living in swimming pools since infancy, but I've never scuba-dived. It's a 45 minutes drive to the Silfra fissure from where I live, but I have no interest in diving there. I can understand those who want to, because I like taking the 25 meters swimming pool in stride underwater. Although that's something else, everything becomes so muted and tranquil for half a minute or so, while you get your blood really flowing. - Nice to have a smoke afterwards.

a lovely metaphor

unknown, external waters can pull us into unknown, internal waters

trusting in a source of wisdom, and letting yourself absorb tranquility can guide you later on

and you emerge with a new found experience

This reminds me of the first time I went Scuba Diving in Cairns.
It was a beautiful day on the Great Barrier Reef and their were amazing tropical fish everywhere.

I was terrified to rely on tanks for my breathing, even going under the water at all took all my courage. Once I was confident I went under and found another world 🌍 it was just so beautiful my senses couldn’t cope.

Diving taught me to take my time and wait till I am ready to take the plunge with anything. It also taught me everyone is different and most people were happy to snorkel and that is perfectly fine.

My biggest life lesson is don’t judge anyone we are all unique.

As someone who has had issues with depersonalization and derealization, panic attacks were a common companion for many years.

Your diving instructor was helping you ground yourself back in reality, an excellent technique likely learned from years of people having the same issue.

I really appreciate you sharing this experience. I hope those who read it learn from it!

This one. One of the best I've read in a while. <3

This reminded me of the idea of 'Sonder' first introduced to me by Seth Godin and coined over on The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows (https://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/23536922667/sonder).

First, we realise/remember that everyone is living their own rich and complex life filled with fears then we can move to empathy in order to understand and connect with them.

Awesome post, as always Derek!

Spare and real. Well said.

Oh My! I had an hours worth of scuba lessons 'one on one' in Belize, and the dive master asked me what the most dangerous thing in scuba diving was, I answered panic, and he said, right. Perhaps because of this 'bringing to my awareness', I did not panic when due to the choppy water I was overcome with nausea and puked in my air tube. I simply gave him a thumbs up, and he brought me up to the surface. I went back out the next day which was a day of calmer seas, and it was wonderful.

I too thought I was beyond panic, but what got me was the Covid scare and it's affect on the financial markets. I sold something I should never have, but it was my first time at the helm, so perhaps I can be excused. God knows I've been beating myself up about it ever since... Thanks for sharing Derek!

As someone who get's claustrophobic in a duffle coat your experience resonates with me. I think panic attacks have different levels and can go from mild, where you are aware of the rising fear but able to control it to the ones where there is no logic and you just have to get out of there, wherever there is. But I also do think it depends on the situation you are in. I once took a group of learning disability students on a caving trip. It was all fine until the last section which was about 10 feet wide and maybe 3 feet high and 20 feet deep. I looked and was in a state of panic but because I was responsible for my students I had no choice but to do what I had to do. In the midst of panic sometimes other stronger instincts can kick in I guess.

As an adult amateur equestrian athlete studying dressage, a school of riding for which there is never an 'end,' I've routinely found myself in the highly uncomfortable zone on the edge or beyond that which is full-on panic. As you learned, I too have over many years of practice, that I can imitate my trainers to calm my mind, and use breath to reinstate my parasympathetic nervous system. And I can advise others similarly. One of the most profound lessons from these experiences? That it's okay to be uncomfortable. Just recognizing that allowed me to many times to pull back from the panicked edge, that discomfort doesn't mean I'm unsafe. I even developed a Discomfort Index, so that if I scored my discomfort at a 3 or less, I'd proceed/stay anyway. And if my self score was higher, I would pause and define a path that would reduce the score before proceeding - even if it meant delaying for days or weeks to accomplish the acceptable level of discomfort. Thanks for sharing a terrific story of accomplishment! Again.

I did scuba once a long time ago and everything went peaceful and nice but I felt like invading a place I wasn’t supposed to be. In a nutshell, not welcomed. We humans have this urge of exploring, probing, digging, diving and no matter how much we learn in this process a void of plenitude is still there. Maybe there is another way to fill it up instead of checking every single inch of earth.

This is a valuable share, Derek- thank you. Stories like this can serve as a helpful reference when one finds themself in a panic situation- which happens to most people at one time or another. I've appreciated your personal shares over the years- much gratitude!

Beautiful piece, Derek.

You are human. Who would have thought?😉 I learned something new about you today.😍

Love it! I can relate. The most effective empathy comes from those who have experienced the same pains you are experiencing.

Didn’t Leonard Cohen observe something about light coming in through the cracks? Your experience reminds me of that. Insightful👍

Wow! Its interesting getting this story at a time when I had wondered myself, if I could actually dive myself. My husband is a diver , and although it has been sometime since his last dive, he speaks of it in such a way that I do really think I'd love to do it. The problem for me is that claustrophobic feeling you spoke of that does freak me out a bit. In truth I just don't know if I could get over that feeling, the feeling of being trapped, in a moment that you are forced to deal with. I have had some experiences in my life that were frustrating and restrictive and unbearable on many levels. Dealing with a near fatal accident and injury that went on for many years with my son, and dealing with his rehabilitation and healing , and an uncontrollable family separation, that went on for 12 years or more. Sometimes I think of that saying "What ever does not kill you makes you stronger." I never though I would spend half on my life in hospitals nor to I ever believe my son would also. Bad things happen to good people we are not exempt, we are all equal to it all in life. This is why equality is so important. We are all one, united, in all aspects of life. The world is a big place and then again quite small when it comes to life experiences.

I would like to hear you expand on the last part of this post. "Teacher, Rescuer". Why don't we think we world be those things I wonder. It seems like something that would come with age and experience.

This is a selfish comment really, I enjoy your writing and content so Im trying to get more with this comment. Haha. All the best Derek

I was very engaged in reading this. Could imagine it well as you described it. Don’t get why you’d think it not complete..

On a much lesser scale I had the “I gotta get outa here now!” feeling when I got my first MRI. I had thought they were no more than like an x-ray. But upon preparing myself when I realized what it was I did it no problem.

Another time I was “frozen in fear” when walking across a sloping rock with a 40lbs back pack on in the Sierras and suddenly thinking if I slipped and fell I’d tumble off the mountain and die. I couldn’t move at first. Slowly I got going again….

Your conclusion reminded me of the scripture in the New Testament - “Blessed be the God … who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians, chapter 1.”

Nice piece Derek. As someone who have not experience panic attack yet, this story opens up a new prespective. I hope this will help me going through panic attack better if I ever experience it.

I thought it was a great read, It was very enjoyable.

Long time fan- first time commenting
I keep wanting to make scuba diving a hidden metaphor to something… an activity or choice that takes us out of our cozy happy habitual routines. (Your mind seemed to seek back to the safety of the known & comfortable). Maybe I’m reading too deep into this. (Pun intended) From my experience scuba diving was at least 50% a mental game, 50% awesome. On my third dive the panic for the surface and overwhelming claustrophobia hit hard. Mentally had to remind myself to breathe and stay calm- go with the flow. Glad you had a good teacher & at the right moment. They sure are nice to help keep the right perspective at times. Also had my first panic/anxiety attack while at one of my favorite stores the other month. Never in my life & then blam! out of the blue- couldn’t breathe, had to run home. Think 2020 messed up my brain and mojo flow. Never thought it’d happen to me. What the hell is this really real reality anymore? Thanks for sharing Derek! Keep on keeping with the good stuff! Cheers!

"Experience is not what happens to a man, but what a man achieves by using what happens to him" _Aldous Huxley

I could immediately relate to this story, Derek.

There was a time when I was in a position where I needed help, and somebody rescued me. And then I was in that person's position, and I deliver the help to someone else in need. It's a continuous cycle.

To answer your question, you have done your part well (in handling the situation), and therefore your part is complete.

Great sharing of the story, and I wish you the best!

Thank you so much for sharing this. I have experienced all three even though I thought to myself they were not something I could feel. We are all still just human anyway!

Perfect as it is - hope it's okay I shared the link on FB! ❤️

Hi Derek.

I’m glad you learned to try not to ‘other’ people when you can’t relate to their experience.

For the most part you kept your analysis of your experience about you, with plenty of ‘I’ statements - great! You slipped into ‘we’ statements a few times when I know you meant ‘I’ which is alienating to those who don’t share that experience.
Eg. We don’t think we’re going to take on roles… and There are things in life we think won’t apply to us: Panic. Addiction. Depression.
You see why I’m not sure who you’re talking to there? I’m sure many of your readers do identify that way.

We (addicts, people living with depression, teachers, rescuers) are smart, we read your stuff, we do a lot (when we’re not having panic attacks 😆 and no, you’re probably way more similar to you than you thought.

I loved this! It is very thought provoking.

Thank you, Derek, for the incredible value you provide.

Hey Derek,

There are few emotions which you realise late in life and panic is one of them. I can relate myself to the situation of panic where I used to think this can't happen to me.

Reading through the article I was thinking about some of the situations that occurred to me in this life where I panicked and did something stupid.

Thank you
Ashish Singh

I love it Derek🤗
I read it in the morning and it certainly made my day😌
I also used your mentor's advice on my friend😂 while computing to work that hey it's okay, look around it's a beautiful day😌
Thank you Dear🤗

“Look around. It’s a nice day. See those mountains over there? It’s beautiful here. Let’s just relax for a few minutes.”

Mine started at age 16, out of nowhere. Sought professional help at 21 and like you learned a lot. They however snuck up at odd times over the next 22 years. Less and less each time, but at the same time I was learning more. I Now I have learned that my mind has pretty much run out of these silly thoughts. It still tries, but never wins anymore. I must say that I am surprised that you felt so judgmental towards this. But, the good thing is you learned that it can happen to “anyone” even you. As always, another great piece of writing.

Thanks for sharing your story. What a gateway to the subject of panic. My takeaway is the power of the mind over a seemingly uncontrollable response to the unknown. If we dig deep perhaps we can overcome all our fears and phobias. We as humans need to control our situations. Your experience sheds a lot of light with much hope.

I think this is a very powerful post. And I don’t think it’s really about panic attacks or scuba diving. It’s about the way we tell ourselves that our identity protects us from feeling what other people feel. As we age or as we risk and as we grow we find that we’re experiencing more than we ever thought we could. And sometimes that’s not comfortable. And you’re right about it opening up to empathy. The cracks in the self with the light gets in. Thanks Derek

Speaking of panic, anxiety and fear, a young man who spent much of WWII mostly alone behind enemy lines as a guerrilla against the Japanese—the army in those days did not train for such a thing—had an opinion:
He thought that the reason basic training was scary was so that in battle people would not be surprised to feel fear: It would not be their first time.

incidentally, his father was an army officer who spent the war in a (Japanese?) P.O.W. camp. The father had, bizarrely, never respected the son, but after the war he was puzzled by his son, and decided to respect him.

Wow! what an experience! the truth is that maybe I would have withdrawn and not minded having signed up for the classes and the waste of my time in them, but what great wisdom from your Icelandic teacher! And you are right, many times we think we can't teach anything or help in anything outside of our "line of work" but the truth is we are all cut out for it. Thanks for sharing this moment!

Finding oneself in a strange environment, with real or imagined hostility, creates physical responses that are difficult to manage. The three you mention: panic, addiction, depression, are good examples of a loss of control, even when all safety methods are in place.
A meditative solution worked for you, for some it’s medications. I prefer the former.
But the key in your case, I think, was an immediate change of venue.
To me, the moral of this story, whether under water, in the woods, in combat, in outer space is to ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN.
Fred

Gentle and enlightening. Panic attacks and empathy are not terms I generally think of together, but now I will, as you've put a new spin on both of them. Thank you.

Very interesting story to share, Derek, it particularly resonated with me since I've been through similar experiences (as in going through an unexpected panic-like state, not while scuba diving in Iceland unfortunately) and got halfway through the same conclusions, this piece helped me put to words that feeling which kept bugging me back when it happened. It's so easy to think we understand this or that because we're so sure we're empathic and whatnot, but to really feel it in your bones is something else and, for me at least, it was a humbling experience. It forced me to accept there's some things we just might not come to fully understand, that puts a new spin both to dealing with other people's feelings and accepting we're students in life, interacting with the world as if we don't have all the answers can be surprisingly counterintuitive. In that vein, it was also interesting seeing the different meanings this story had to different people.
Thanks for sharing.

This brought tears to my eyes, because I recently had two panic attacks within the span of just a few weeks. Both involved driving and being stuck in gridlock traffic with many streets being blocked off due to local college football games while I was late getting to important events with other people counting on me. Try as I might I couldn't find an alternate route that wasn't blocked. Both happened at night, when glaring headlights become giant halos and the sounds of cars blasting angry music couldn't be avoided. I tried to calm down by playing Gospel music, and praying, but my muscles tensed to the point where now I was in agony - I have done something that has totally locked up my lower back (stress is brutal), and for the past 4 days have been in agony barely able to sit, lie down or walk. For the next time a panic attack appears, I will try the technique you shared here for calming down. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for your empathy toward others. For people who have never experienced a panic attack, who say "just calm down; it's all in your head," I wish they'd try to understand. Even though I was trying to think positive thoughts, my body was still reacting in fear, anxiety and flight mode. Cognitive Behavior Therapy can't always be used once the panic attack is in full swing and you are alone. If I could have parked my car I would have been able to calm down, but I couldn't do that for miles. I finally made it to my destinations, and was thankful I didn't get into an accident. I think it's best to Uber or Lyft for future nighttime adventures, especially on game nights!

Lovely story, thank you for sharing.

What a wonderful metaphor for the different doors we open throughout this experience we call life. It not only what we experience for ourselves, but how those experiences help us transition through personal traumas and how those experiences can benefit others. We learn more about compassion. Because we can see ourselves better in the similar experiences of others. Thank you for sharing this poignant experience and revelation Derek.

Terrific exploration of empathy and self-assessment. I'll try to use your scuba instructor's trick for other things in life!

Lovely writing as always Derek

Some of my family suffers panic attacks, they are no joke

Glad you shared this story

Judgement is vulnerability lurking blindly under the surface.

Interesting article. I like the "teacher/rescuer" reference. I also agree with the person who said that what you experienced was not a "panic attack".. From my experience (I'm now in my mid-70's, I was raised in the NYC area, was in the USMC during Vietnam, engaged in martial arts, rugby, rock climbing, triathlons, body surfing, snorkeling, scuba, meditation, tournament chess and a few other things, most of which are now in past as my body no longer functions as it once. I therefore know "fear", which is normal and should be listened to, but not necessarily obeyed. You certainly experienced fear and, with the help of your instructor, appropriately dealt with it and paid that lesson forward. Good for you.

This landed in my inbox at the exact time. Was working with a client who was feeling the pressure of their artistic / entrepreneurial choices and the diving analogy was perfect. Bless you, brother. So glad you're in the world.

Dear Derek

The title itself I could not comprehend and I guess that is why I decided to read the post and over 50 comments (this time around I was not patient enough to go through it all) because - if the title was confusing the request to ask what was missing made it even more incomprehensible to me.

Ok get it now. As someone remarked: you definitely took on a way too big challenge too quick. Impatience?? Perhaps you thought you could pack enough ‘experience’ by doing a week of diving lessons?? I guess your lust for the deep blue cristal waters made you conclude they were promising safety? I find what ensued incredibly generous towards your ignorance.

We cannot master without having to be disciplined in the art of (insert whatever here). Nothing in life is sudden or suddenly ok. I do not want to say why I think what I think so as to not expose myself. I can say only that I have the pains and years to warrant saying what I am saying.

I admire the innocence of your generosity and as you can see - we will reward your vulnerable accounts. Seems we all need to chime in a little bit of our lives and literally post it onto yours. Amazing community of humans around you.

Yes I think there are ‘things’ missing.

Have you identify them now?

You've always demonstrated a tendency to want to help people, Derek, and this blog stands out as one of your best because it is so relatable. My feelings about panic attacks were the same as yours for too many years. Like Carl stated, it's very difficult to explain panic attacks to someone who never experienced one. And Barbara may be right in saying what you had (and what I've had) is not actually a panic attack, but there indeed was panic and it did attack suddenly. The same thing happened to me when I was going through a divorce, and I didn't know what the hell was happening. I also didn't believe there was such a thing as burnout and nervous exhaustion. Sure, it could happen to "weak" people, but not to me...until it did. Now, I have so much more sympathy for people suffering from mental anguish and for women I used to marvel at who suffered from the emotional roller coaster. I now know that a chemical imbalance in the brain cannot be always assuaged by talking rationally, although talking about it can certainly help in some circumstances. I've stopped dismissing people by labeling them as crazy. And since I love learning, I'm reluctantly glad I experienced what it feels like to have a panic attack.
Your trip to Iceland reminded me of another writer,Eric Weiner, whose goal was to check out the happiness index in Iceland and other countries. He wrote "The Geography of Bliss". It's a great read.

https://ericweinerbooks.com/books/the-geography-of-bliss/

not everyone knows what BCD stands for...
buoyancy compensating device
just thought I would split hairs.. ;-)

Aside from the BCD alphabet soup TLA, the article feels very complete.

Thanks for the hot tip for the bucket list too!

I won't pretend I came here to try and figure out if something was missing (as instructed in the email). I came here to read something meaningful, as I knew it was likely to be. I needed some balm on my soul today and you delivered. Thank you Derek!

Derek, in this moment, I felt a swelling in my chest, almost a sob. This is when your story most mattered, was most relatable.

"The teacher, Tobi, was so calm and peaceful. I’ll never forget this moment. He looked at me carefully for a few seconds then slowly said, “Look around. It’s a nice day. See those mountains over there? It’s beautiful here. Let’s just relax for a few minutes.”

You found within a few short moments that your emotions could shift dramatically, this time toward calmness and a feeling that you would be safe.

It's a beautiful piece you wrote and in a fairly short space you wrote something almost everyone can relate to and use in their lives. While there are certainly people prone to high anxiety and attacks, there are NO people who cannot experience an anxiety attack if the most frightening triggers occur in a specific moment.

Thank you for this. ~ Michael

beautiful. and really timely reminder for me. thank you!

Hey Derek, as always you take me on a journey, sometimes new, sometimes a memory. Either way I enjoy and appreciate the path you guide my thoughts and feelings.
Thank you my friend, Steve

Ok dude, I'll bite on your curious hook about completeness because...Derek Sivers. I presumed my observation about this apparently complete story arc was obvious, but after reading 360+ comments without a key point being mentioned - apparently not.

Terrific story that includes both practical and philosophical lessons, but it's really only the first chapter of a larger story. While you found a splendid workaround to deal with your phobia moment, the core problem is the flaw in your reaction could still be triggered at the next time you experience greater discomfort. What happens when you dive a shipwreck or heaven forbid, underwater spelunking when your 'solution' of surfacing becomes impossible. Thankfully, you survived this time, but haven't really overcome/CONQUERED your underlying fear. Until you've found the path to eliminate the unhealthy overwhelming reaction (hypnotism, train/discipline yourself by slowly approaching even more phobic inducing experience until you acclimatize, whatever?) the story remains unsatisfying. Should you avoid triggering this phobia forever or will it recur and haunt you when you least expect it? Cheers brah.

This story resonated with me like none of your other ones.
I think I'm like you in the way that I think it will not happen to me. I'm not that type of person.

I guess one of the reasons are that I haven't yet been in the situation which will trigger it.

Great post :)

It's a powerful message Derek, no doubt, but I was also so captivated by how this story was unfolding. Thank you for sharing it.

Someone once told me that you knew that you conquered a problem or a tough situation when you were able to help another person in a similar situation.

Hey Derek,

I don't usually comment directly on your posts, but this was a particularly relevant one to me. I've personally had a history with panic attacks and I remember that it cause a massive amount of cognitive dissonance for me, as like you I didn't view myself as "that sort of person", I was relatively young when I had my first (early 20s) and I fancied myself to be almost Vulcan in my dedication to stoic logic and rational thought, also priding myself on always being calm in a state of mindfulness.

Even with all that during a very hard time in my life, I started having regular panic attacks, it can be a horrible experience, but honestly, the worst thing about it was how it first changed others opinions of me, I noticed how they viewed me change so quickly it was staggering and in turn my opinion of myself changed—they saw me as weaker and I saw myself that way too for far too long.

Going through it taught me several important life lessons:
1. "Panic attacks" is a horrible name for the experience and just bad branding. It's a system in your mind/body giving you a massive burst of energy and motivation to move away from or fight off a perceived threat, but that's all it is, just a perceived threat and a simple physiological response that is perfectly natural and shouldn't suggest anything at all about someone's character.

2. If you're mindful of what that process happening in your body is you can just observe it and let it wash over you and when you do that the signal for your brain to trigger that response again lessens as it learns through repetition that the perceived threat was a false alarm.

3. It's not inherently bad, you can equally frame it as excitement that is giving you a huge burst of energy before doing something you may well need it for—even something like going out on stage and giving an energetic performance.

4. Others opinions of you are often fickle and can change back and forth depending only on shallow observations, you can't control it, you can only be true to yourself and be the best version of yourself you can be. There really isn't much point at all dwelling on the ever-shifting opinions of others. It's important to remember they may not have had the same experiences as you, they still think they are the sort of person that could never have a panic attack or depression and thus lack the empathy to see things from a more complete percepective.

I am not a person who experiences anxiety that makes daily activities -- social or otherwise.

I used to think that I was being empathetic by imagining how to push past the anxiety as if there was a threshold and once you got past it, you were fine. I assumed suggesting those ideas to my daughter would be useful to her( her anxiety experience being way more intense than mine)

I Believed that ignoring anxiety --not giving it energy was sufficient to eliminate the experience of it- I confess thinking more than once she just wasn't trying hard enough.

and then I went 6 mo shaking and weeping at the thought of applying and interviewing for a job. If I actually completed the application and had my resume in hand- I would sit for 30 min in the parking lot shaking and trying to slow my breathing. sometimes giving into the urge to drive away.

I was able to eventually return to my "normal" way of being and my acute experience was much like yours- anxiety was something OTHER people struggled with and just needed logic to not be affected to that. fun fact, logic is not how I was able to handle my anxiety...

-> scuba, panic, empathy vs. peace, calm and balance <-

FYI Folks who manage to survive learned how to take care of themselves, which can also mean they are brave enough make a choice not to council / support / be empathetic but instead totally stop taking care of others who are toxic, which also brings peace, calm and balance.

It happens very, very rarely, but it happens that I get that feeling of impending doom for no apparent reason. The feeling has never been followed by any catastrophe or difficult event, so I have learned to trust that everything is okay.
The real-life effect it has on me is to heighten my senses--making me much more aware of what is happening around me. It also reminds me that I am destined to die at some point in my life--and that it may be better for it to happen suddenly while having an adventure than while laying in bed from a debilitating long-term illness.
Your story reminded me of when I learned to dive. The one that got me was when the trainer had us pair off, then exchange equipment at the bottom of the pool, and also the one where one of us removed our tank and gave it to a coach, then buddy-breathed as we continued what our assignment was. If my coach had not been one of the most beautiful women that I have seen even to this day, diving in a very skimpy bikini, I may have lost it. But there was no way I was going to wimp out in front of her ...

Thanks for the article Derek. It looks complete to me!
I drive by a dive school a few times a week-now I'm pondering...

My dad was an avid scuba diver, but I never did that even once. For me the worst panic attacks came after losing a job, or a home. That has happened many times in my life, and quite frankly, if that happens to you, this society is a jungle where no one helps, no one cares, and everyone thinks you are a lazy bum.
The first few times, the panic was very bad, and the lack of another job after several months of searching only made it even worse. On losing homes, it was usually caused by a landlord selling out, and the new one either raising the rent to an impossible level, or destroying the place by renting it to meth addicts, and then closing it. Another home is almost as difficult to find as another job, and like a job, the one you finally end up taking is probably not going to be as good as the last one was.
Through all of that, and the loss of the equipment I used to compose my music with, as well as my work shop, I survived long enough to retire and collect Social Security, but inflation has made it a pittance, very difficult to actually survive on.
I have given up apartment living totally now, and my life is much more like van life. Most people who are doing this have good reasons, especially now, when most working Americans no longer make enough money to afford their own place, not even a basic apartment. They are not bums.
I don't panic much any more, at my age, the reaper is coming no matter what I do, and I have lived the best life I could in this brutal world. Because of my music, I had experiences most people have never had, have seen beauty most people never see, and actually spent some part of my life LIVING, maybe not all of it, but at least I got a little of that, in a world where most people are either fighting for survival, or fighting for more and more stuff, I have found a better way, which is possible at least some of the time.
I am a lot older, and maybe a little bit wiser, and panic is no longer a frequent part of my life.
I have tasted a little bit of living, and a little bit of freedom, probably more than most Americans ever experience. I would guess the same is true of most people who are responding to your article. since they are probably also musicians and artists.

I love your story. It was inspirational. I have been drowning in covid fear and unable to attempt to function as a musician. I have ideas but have been drowning in fear. I haven't even reached out to friends. I will now remind myself to take deep breaths and look at the beauty around me. Thank you for your story.

Thanks Derek. Very nice "story" and reflections. Practicing detachment and letting one's mind "regroup" as it were during stressful and overwhelming situations is great advice!

I loved this story and lesson. I think you have something worth sharing with this blog.

We call it "a priori". I exercise everyday my judgments to try and put myself in the skin of other people, so I don't misjudge their pain, their behavior, or reaction. It's difficult, and every time a behavior pisses me off, I ask myself "Why does it annoy me this much? Why can't I understand what they are feeling?". What happened to you is wonderful! Sometimes in life we think we have figured things out, until life puts you in the place of the eternal students we are, again. Put us back at our place ;) Love reading you, keep sharing. Much love, Martha.

Derek, thanks for sharing your story. I felt the same when I tried diving, I went down to the bottom of the pool and remember thinking it was not a nice feeling of breathing. The good thing was that as it was a pool. I could stand up and we would be out again. I thought it was not for me but with what you say, maybe I should give it another go sometime.
I also had a check up in hospital and had gas and air instead of being put out. I can remember gulping so much air that i was tripping and high. I remember talking to myself not to panic, that i was in safe hands and to relax. A very good dentist taught me to wiggle my toes, which helps with relaxing. Its amazing how our mind and being taught can put us in a bad situation.
I am glad that you got to experience the beauty of under the water though.

Being on the "other side of the glass" is the most affirming thing you can do to see yourself reflected in someone else!

Thank you Derek for such a meaningful article. I think you message is so contagious. You are absolutely right when you say that sometimes life puts us in some roles: Teachers. Rescuers. We have never thought these roles will apply to us, but they are so helpful to keep us away from panic attacks. To be perfectly honest, your article is complete because it derives from your true feelings and also touches my soul.

Great story and many amazing replies here. Congrats on trying something new. It is hard when fear hits and the fight/flight kicks in. It’s easy to feel like I have failed. Much life experience has taught me that I just need to run a parallel process in my head so that I can feel the feelings and also talk myself down and through the experience. Not always easy. Professionals in sports or rescue operations use training to break experiences down into manageable sequences to slowly build capability. Sometimes we go too fast and are focusing on the exhilaration and suddenly look around and wonder what the hell am I doing and the fear kicks in. I, like your instructor’s example, learn almost everything from others, but how quickly we learn is amazing. Then we pass it on.

I am pleased you came out of the experience with a new understanding but I couldn't help being annoyed by the initial "I thought panic attacks were for fragile hysterical people..." comment and the subsequent reference to "types" of people. In my opinion, assigning a "type" to somebody, in that sense, can be a serious error. Having never experienced something but intellectually thinking you can handle it, clearly isn't a good indicator of reality. It's easy to be dismissive of other peoples' traumas, fears, insecurities and experiences. I see this attitude all the time, from those without the "benefit" of the very experiences they mention and assign judgement to others over. One never knows what one's response to a new experience is going to be like until that experience happens. Being humble is a good starting point.

I think it's fine. You imitated what your instructor did for you for somebody else. She would hopefully then pay that forward to another novice diver.

I’m not sure what you described was a panic attack? Perhaps it was just the wording that you used to express your feelings, that you didn’t like the sensation. I’ve come to understand, at least academically, that panic attacks are involuntary and much less controllable. Just last week, I thought I had a panic attack for the first time when I was worked up over a big presentation. Maybe I did. But some breathing exercises quickly brought me back to center.

Notwithstanding the above, this was a touching story and a beautiful message. It could certainly be considered complete, save for some further caveats to the ‘panic attack’ description.

Warm regards,
Mike

Hey, Derek! I loved this. Thank you! What a great lesson/teaching!
My husband is an underwater photographer, and he teaches underwater photography. That vocation grew out of his books which grew out of his photos.
He’s just getting back from the Galapagos on Tuesday, where he got to see Killer Whales under water, which made him very happy.
I was surprised about the wetsuit under a dry suit. He has a fleece under his dry suit. Far as I know… Which is likely comfier.
I don’t dive, but I love his pictures!
You can see some here:
https://www.askphotography.com/

Nobody wants to be fragile, weak and hysterical. It is not a choice. First panic attack happened when I was strong and happy. It is funny how panic attacks happen for me in normal safe moments and not on a speed boat or emergency situations. Extreme sports might be the cure ☺

Panic attacks are involuntary. You can be aware of them and that's all. But usually, in that very awareness, the panic melts away.

I had a panic attack once when donating blood. The only nurse around me at the time went into an adjacent room. Suddenly a thought popped up in my head. What if the machine did not switch off at the right time and drained away all my blood? My heart started racing and I started feeling dizzy in my head. Just at that moment the nurse came back and told me that it was over!

This is beautifully written and the sentiment is relatable. Nevertheless, it is very simplified, which could potentially be dangerous. What if "something wrong" meant exactly that - something was really wrong? We cannot act as if we've mastered a skill after one try.

My father is a doctor. He's helped me numerous times after I described weird health symptoms to him. When someone else happens to mention ailments to me that I recognize, I may share my dad's advice with them. But I will still add: go see a doctor. I am not one.

So, to answer your question if this blog is complete, I'd say that is what's missing. We can practice empathy, share our knowledge or experience, become a teacher or a counselor "for a day". But at the end of it, we owe it to the other person to say, I'm no expert. I'm just somebody who went through things, and I'm still learning myself.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us!

You made me realize that it's been way too long since I last scuba dived!

This made me tear up reading it, and at first I didn't know why.

I can fully relate to it, this was me at the height of the pandemic last year. I had never felt feelings of anxiety/depression/panic attack until that period.

In March of 2020, you sent a simple email to your list asking "are you OK?" - I was the rock for everyone in my tribe and for the first time it was someone sincerely asking me if I was okay.

I wasn't okay, and I couldn't put my finger on it, but I replied to your email and you replied to me, and that made me feel better.

Love you and all you do.

Complete. Perfect. Timely. Thank you!

Hi Derek,
It's a lovely piece and your piece is very visceral and evocative of the panic experiences you describe. I swim in cold water lakes usually until late October with a wet suit. I am a long distance triathlete swimmer. Sometimes, however, I get a panic attack after starting to swim the lake and this is on the surface of the water. Never had them before a few years ago. It's wonderful how your experience becomes immediately relevant to helping someone else with the same experience. I think the piece could have telescoped out wider, however, to discuss the larger statistical occurances of panic attacks, their prevalency, which populations they mostly affect (college students, adults, particular populations?) and under what conditions (exams, physical stressors, public speaking, family of origin issues, etc.) do they emerge? This would have taken the local and personal story of your first panic attack and its revelation and relevance to helping someone else with such a simple cure of noticing their environment to how that eloquent instruction might assist the global incidence of panic attacks. Just my two cent suggestion!
Again, a very compelling, human story of the process of empathy.
Jonathan

This is a wonderful read.
At first I was concerned it was too long but the story was very well told and inspiring. The next time I feel a panic attack I'll try to remember to lay back, breath deeply, list the things I'm grateful for and strive to be in the moment. This article pointed out to me that my panic attacks come from the fear of what could happen. If I can just stay present I'll be alright.

I have not -- yet -- had a panic attack myself, so I can only imagine the experience. I liked your willingness to replay the help you'd received yourself for the woman in your situation -- your best move in that moment, IMO.

What struck me about your tale is a sense I often have that "these intense feelings right now" are accurate and true and "what's really happening!". And then, a bit later, with further experience and a different perspective, I can see that my absolute conviction about that prior moment was entirely wrong. And so the flip-flop, the collapse of that certainty, becomes "a thing". When can I trust myself and my view of the moment? Can I be "OK" with knowing that I'm likely wrong and basing my choices on what will (maybe?) turn out to have been a misguided view of "reality"? These thought patterns lead quickly into deep rabbit holes of confusion! I just try to meta-up, to be amused by my antics and to not take any of these sorts of "adventures" too seriously!

(:Nice One

Empathy and love, and building meta skills is why we are here on Earth, after all.
Great post! Derek, just out of curiosity, did you do any writing courses and if so, can you recommend one?

LOVE THS DEREK!! x

An important lesson, beautifully told. Sometimes, we just need to stop along the way, breathe, and put things in perspective. Then we can continue.

Thanks, Derek.

Ooooh, well- I can relate to panic attacks. I've had them about as long as I can remember, though as I've gotten older they have lessened. Always in the middle of the night. It feels like drowning. I have mastered them through diverting my attention elsewhere- watching TV or something else visual (reading isn't enough of a distraction.)Usually within a half hour or so I relax and can get back to sleep. Like yourself, this experience has helped me to help friends get through episodes.

Derek

I really liked this story. I feel it really describes well the learning process and that part of the process is overcoming challenges that we face. Also it is always cool to be presented with situations where we can help others by applying what we have learned. I know that you wrote a review of Seth Godin’s book, “The Dip”. Is this an example of running into and then overcoming a Dip to achieve your diving goal?

So glad you completed your training ! Well done .

I have to question respectfully however , wether you had an actual panic attack ?

With a panic attack, there are several physical reactions, where you may think you are having a heart attack, or even dying .

I’m not wanting to down play the sense of panic you may have been feeling , and forgive me if I have not understood properly .

Thanks for sharing it. Beautiful teaching.
I had my first and last scuba diving experience in Playa del Carmen, Mexico in 1999. That was very particular, the "instructor" told me what to do in just five minutes...no lessons, no practicing at all, and of course no certification..... I felt confident on my ability to pay attention and focus on a task.
On the way to the boat to get into the ocean he asked me "you know how to swim right?" That was really crazy.
First 20 minutes were amazing....the view, the sensations, the feeling of freedom. But at some point my mind took control: "he didn't told me how to get out", "should I get out fast or slowly?". "is there enough oxygen in the tank?" and so on. I guess I also had a panic attack. I had to get out and that was the end of my scuba diving "career".
May be it is time to come back but in a proper, organized and safe way this time.
Thanks.

Hi Derek. Thank you for sharing your experience! Your writing made me think about the experiences and people who taught me some additional skills for life or good perspective. Reading comments #2 & #7... we thought it would be good to include the distinction between clinical and (maybe)experiential panic attacks. We enjoyed working with your article for our class. Have a great day!

What Jonathan Crowley at #389 is an example of what "creative nonfiction" writers commonly do. Part of the craft of such writing is judging the balance of "public writing," as in presenting research, and "private writing," as in presenting one's own story. Meanwhile, here's a link for a magazine of creative nonfiction, which I will subscribe to myself, this week:

https://creativenonfiction.org/magazine/

How we react in a panic attack is a great learning opportunity too. Through therapy I learned that this flight/fight/freeze response can be calmed through deep breathing and telling yourself you’re ok, and identifying/processing/integrating the root cause of the fear. Hope you manage to go deeper and discover more x

I think one key element is another person being with us in times of duress. Our ability to share our sense of presence and patience is enough to help a floundering person. Knowing that you were helped, and knowing you can help someone else is a powerful way to change the world. That skill is an example that becomes a lesson transferred, and gives strength to all involved.
The best way to help someone often is not about giving money or "one-size fits all" advice, but simply being with them, listening to them, and letting them reach a new level of empathy by giving them empathy.

Hey Derek, Thanks for sharing this experience about your diving lessons and what you've learned here, including the new empathy you've embraced. This was very heartfelt, and I appreciate you taking the time to write this. All my best, Hans.

We are all different. Maybe you had a panic attack during scuba diving and someone else would have been fine with it; but, maybe that same person would have a panic attack if a bee or wasp was nearby. Neither one is probably a hysterical person. The same goes for me, but don't get me near a snake or I'll throw a hysterical panic attack. ;)

Thanks for sharing that story. I recognise the need to overcome fear, even if it does not count as a full on panic attack. Took a while to undergo dental treatment and hospital operations without fear. While useful fear helps avoid danger, fear can also stop you doing what you really want to do unless you take control.

You may feel the potential lack of completeness of the post because it is from one lens. Especially after writing 'How to Live' you may feel it misses the opposite.
I think it is a helpful read. But what may complete it is, including the opposite. Someone who does identify with panic attacks, scarcity mindset, and so on, that believes that peace, abundance, love and so on is not for them. That when they do experience those moment, they should sit with and enjoy them. To know those moments are for them as well.
Great article, I believe the above is implied. But it may be what you felt is missing.

Perfect length article and well as it clearly illustrates what was happening to you and draws the reader into your experience. It also makes the reader be introspective.
I think everyone has had a similar experience in one form or another whether it was a full on panic attack, just being stuck and looking desperately for a way out of a situation.
Another author shared a story of climbing into a cave so tight she had to carry the flashlight in her mouth. Once inside and in total darkness, she tells her experience of facing fear head-on as she panicked but, like your instructor, her companion talked her down to calm state and began to experience something very serene.
My take away: when we get into situations we feel trapped, no way out, can't find the answers, we are to pause, sense the world around us, feel the energy around us and focus on the benefits of the outcome we desired when we got started.

Thanks for sharing, Great Article that needs of nothing. It stands on it's own just as it is.
Keep it coming Derek
David

Hey, Derek.
My apologies. I went to re-visit your "season 1" as I am still not through it. Somehow, it is no longer in my email. If you feel like re-sharing, I would love to continue through it. Thank you.
:Troi: Cormick.

Ahhh so good D!
Maybe she was the reason for your finishing the certification. She needed help in the moment and you were right there, fresh with new skills.
xo

What a great story Derek. I love the part of that you imitated the teacher where you need help and now you are the teacher/rescuer. Also, what a cool experience! I love the fact that you finished when you felt panic - that is quite the accomplishment.

What helped me with anxiety was I would often say, what if I do this and bad things happen . My counselor at the time suggested that I changed my perspective to say, what if I do this and it turns out to be amazing/great! It really changed my perspective and helped my anxiety a bit. Reminds me of your situation. Anyways, cheers thanks for sharing love your stories. -Nate

Great, Complete and growing with each addition. Captivated my heart, as a diver, and teacher, compels me to share, and encourages me to have more compassion and assist others overcome what fears we have ourselves overcome. Thanks for a completed yet in the process of completion story...
Your circus friend here
Will pass it on

I've never had a panic attack either, Derek. I am addicted (to LOVE). And I once was diagnosed with depression (but was out of it within days with some amazing supplements -- no drugs!). Thanks for sharing. That was an awesome story! You inspire me to write more.

What a great example of something that takes you by surprise.
To look back on your own experience and think, "Wow, that happened to me..." Can be jarring for some.

When we teach kids and adults alike we are trained to recognize the onset of this kind of reaction. We will usually do what your instructor did, or we'll have other type of "trigger" or "mantra" that someone can come back to. Sort of self reinforcing calming saying or rhythm. Think: "Just keep swimming..." from Nemo.

For example, years ago when I took my wife on here first multi-pitch rock climb, I started to whistle the Robin Hood song (do do-do do do doooooo) so that although she couldn't see me (at the anchor where she needed to climb to) she could hear me. I chose not to yell down at her because this likely wouldn't even help anyway and could also escalate the feelings she was having (I could actually hear her crying).

She later told me that hearing that in that situation without any reinforcement led to her repeating it in her head, and she focused on the one single step in her control in that moment to continue the movement and make it to the anchor, and then finally the top of the climb.

From skydiving to BASE jumping, free diving, even ice baths, this same pattern to overcome overwhelm has been one of the most important tools in my tool box.

Good for you sir, and good for the woman you helped. She'll likely carry it with here forever. Cheers!