It’s hard for me to admit that I can be very entitled. I have spent 11 years in tertiary education and as it is finally coming to a close I can feel the entitlement settling in. I feel like I am owed a good job with good pay and benefits now.

Like, right now.

But that isn’t how it works.

I now have to go through the process of applying for these jobs I think I deserve and may not even get it. No one is going to give me a job just because I believe I deserve it.

This exaggerated sense of self-importance is the present manifestation of my feelings of entitlement. I have taken a deep dive into where it was coming from, what it meant, and what I could do to change it. It may show up for you in a different way so let’s get into it.

How to recognize entitled people

1. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

Entitled people fundamentally believe in their superiority compared to others. They see themselves as more qualified, smarter, better, and therefore more deserving of certain merits in life. In their mind, they can always do a better job than anyone else, even if someone else is just as qualified.

2. They do not try to understand or meet the needs of others

They are fine with asking others to meet their needs but they have no desire to try to understand the needs of others. Even if they are aware of the needs of others, they do not try to meet them.

Their own agenda is what is most important and they believe others should meet it — not the other way around. They are uncompromising which leads us to the next point.

3. They find it difficult to compromise with others

It’s their way or the highway, literally. They do things their way or no way. They quickly lose the relationship or friendship then give in to the needs of the other person. They stand their ground no matter what.

Part of this stems from their belief that they are always right based on their exaggerated sense of self-importance. In a compromise, they think of it as win-loose. Any compromise on their end is a loss.

4. They insult the achievements of others and exaggerate their own

When they look at the achievements of others, they consider them mediocre compared to what they have achieved. They downplay someone else's accomplishments and then brings attention to what they have accomplished. Their accomplishments are always greater, better, larger.

5. They have a lot of self-pity and seek attention

They use a “poor me’ strategy to get the attention of others. They feel as though they are a victim to the “unfairness” of others and the world. As such they complain a lot to get others to also feel sorry for them and possibly give them what they want.

Self-pity comes from a sense of powerlessness when they don’t get what they believe they are entitled to.

6. They don’t see others as equals

No one is better qualified and more deserving of a position than them. And, even if they don’t have the experience or qualifications they still get frustrated or shocked when someone else gets the position. They see themselves as superior and others as inferior.

7. They believe their anger is always justified

Whenever they get mad, they believe they are right to get mad. They believe their analysis of the situation is correct and the only analysis possible. Their closure to other perspectives is a crutch to hold up their justified anger.

If you are entitled, this is how to let it go

First, don’t be too hard on yourself. I believe we all suffer from a sense of entitlement at some point in our lives. It is a learned behavior, and by practicing new behaviors we can let go of entitlement.

Practice humility and gratitude

Give credit where it is due. Celebrate but don’t inflate your accomplishments. Acknowledge that your accomplishments did not come through your own will alone and likely were influenced and assisted by others who have crossed your path. Be grateful for those who have helped you and for where you are presently in life. Understand that life owes you nothing, and every opportunity is a gift that you were ready to receive because you already put in the work.

Stopping comparing yourself to others

You have to silence your inner critic that says you are not good enough or not where you should be. Your path is your own, and therefore you are where you need to be at this moment in your life trajectory. By comparing yourself to others you are essentially saying that you should have someone else’s path. If you did, you would likely end up dissatisfied. Remind yourself that what you have is enough to get you to the next level of your life.

Celebrate the success of others

Success for someone else doesn’t mean that there is a less success for you. There isn’t some mythical success pie that we are all cutting slices from with less and less left after each successful endeavor. There is enough pie to go around. Allow your path to unfold and with it will come your own successes. The success of others should show you what is possible and get you excited about your own possibilities.

Appreciate the strengths of others

This advanced humanity is the product of the collective strength of individuals compounding. We got here by leveraging and standing on the shoulders of the strengths of others. Understand that you are not an island and it is the strengths of the collective that make our individual dreams possible.

Embrace the uncertainty and unpredictability of life

Trying to control the trajectory and outcomes of your life will only lead to disappointment and feelings of entitlement. When things don’t go as you believe they should or deserve you will get into a foul mood. Stop thinking in terms of what you do and do not deserve because life doesn’t unfold according to any of these standards.

Understand what makes people equal

Throughout history, we have segmented ourselves into in and out-groups based on arbitrary external factors like race, religion, place of birth, and social status. None of these things supersede the intrinsic value we were all born with. All of us are created equal, and it is our social constructs that try to tell us we are not.

Tying it up

We all feel entitled from time to time. It can manifest itself in different ways, in different situations and periods of our lives. Overcoming it will take dedicated effort like any other personal development goal. Start by practicing humility and gratitude. Then, stop comparing yourself to others and learn to celebrate their strengths and successes as it is only good news about what is possible in your own life. Remember that we are all intrinsically equal — we have to unlearn the ways in which society tells us otherwise. Last, remember that this life is unpredictable, and it is futile to control it. Your path is unique and only yours to walk.

Thanks for reading!