How to know if you’ve got the one.

We spend a lot of time discussing how to spot a toxic person or relationship, but I believe we also need to recognise what healthy relationships look like, for a variety of reasons.

First and first, I believe we must know what we are seeking for in order to recognize it when we find it. Second, we must have a mental vision of what a good relationship looks like in order to know how to strive toward it and develop it with our teammate.

So, instead of talking about red flags, how about some green ones?

You value each other’s differences and capitalize on them

I’m not a big fan of sports analogies, but I think one would be appropriate here. When working in a group, not everyone is skilled in the same areas. Someone throws, someone hits, and someone runs, and they all work together to create a synergy by utilizing each other’s abilities.

Both teammates will recognize that the other has skills that they lack in a productive relationship. In what may be described as a ‘power couple,’ you function like a well-oiled machine in both routine and unusual activities. At parties, your differing levels of organization and inventiveness help keep things in order, and your personalities balance each other out. The game is won by the team.

You squabble

No, not on a regular basis. No, not in a harsh way. However, arguing shows that you both have strong beliefs and are willing to adhere to them. This is a positive development. If there are no disagreements at all, it could indicate that someone is concealing something, suppressing their sentiments, or simply not being honest about their true feelings. They may believe they are preserving the peace, but in the long term, none of this is beneficial.

You’ve all agreed to participate

No such thing as a part-time relationship exists. Either you’re in or you’re out. Both parties must be entirely dedicated to one other and to the relationship as a whole in the proper relationship. This entails sticking together and dealing with life’s obstacles as a team. See the first point.

You no longer hide your weaknesses

Nobody is without flaws. However, if we are constantly attempting to persuade others that we are, we will never be completely at ease with them, and they will never get to know our true selves. We are open about these things with each other in the appropriate relationship, and the wonderful part is that they will still love and accept you for it.

You talk about sex a lot

Communication is essential in developing a happy, healthy relationship, and this applies outside of the bedroom as well. It’s critical for both partners to be open and content in this area if they want to be happy together, and it should be something that two mature adults feel comfortable discussing.

You may not communicate at all at times

Have you ever had a friend with whom you could sit in a room and be silent without feeling uncomfortable? Do you like to be alone or appreciate each other’s company? This is also a crucial aspect of a relationship: not always having to talk and sometimes just being together.

You keep your identities separate

Consider the first point’s sports analogy. If you attempted to pitch like a pitcher or catch like a catcher all the time, you’d soon forget what position you actually play on the team since you were putting so much effort into looking like everyone else.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s critical to keep your individuality and not lose yourself. If this happens, you may find yourself being overly selfless and essentially a doormat, unhappy in your situation but unable to express it since you don’t know what you want anymore.

You are considerate of each other’s privacy

Yes, you’re a team, and the whole “what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is yours” thing is good, but you’re still two different people with the right to privacy. This means no checking through their phone or spying around. This is a betrayal of trust that healthy relationships do not engage in unless they have given you a pretty good cause to be suspicious about something.

You have faith in each other

The importance of trust is enormous. Without trust, none of the other positive elements that hold a relationship together can exist. You can’t be comfortable with the person you’re with going out without you, or spending time with friends, or even at work if you don’t trust them. You can’t be, and it’ll eat away at your relationship’s basis like termites until it falls apart.

Two people in a secure relationship will have to have difficult conversations about difficult problems at some point. If you avoid discussing the ‘taboo’ themes for fear of offending each other, it may lead to tension and the repression of essential feelings. Of course, the other side of this is that the talk will be held in a calm and courteous manner, keeping the other person’s feelings and opinions in mind.

You’ve come to terms with each other’s pasts

Every one of us has a history. Other significant persons are frequently present in our pasts. When you’re learning about someone or getting to know them, you’ll almost certainly come across significant events in their lives that involve someone other than yourself. You’re cutting out a big part of their lives if you trash their exs or refuse to hear about them. All that matters is the present.

A healthy relationship will be open to all topics of conversation and recognize that the past is no longer relevant.

You encourage and support each other’s interests and endeavors

Whether or not you share the same interests or goals in life, when you truly care about someone, you want to see them succeed and be happy doing what they love. When they put forth effort toward achieving a goal, this means standing beside them, not in their way.

Long after you’ve ‘had’ each other, you both continue to put forward effort

It is not about giving and taking in great relationships; it is about giving and giving. Each teammate’s contribution to the relationship should be consistent, as well as recognized and appreciated equally by the other. The union is doomed when one or both parties quit trying.

With each other, you are always open, honest, and straightforward

I addressed communication in the bedroom before; it should go without saying (but frequently does not) that communication is essential to the success of your relationship in all areas of life. Open, honest, unfiltered communication with your spouse, who you both feel safe opening up to without being judged, and who you know feels the same way about you.

You want to be the best version of yourself while remaining true to yourself

This is an undeniable sign of a happy relationship. Someone should not try to change your personality or character, but being encouraged to develop yourself (both for yourself and for them) is a good indicator.

Avoid people who try to diminish your objectives, as Mark Twain advised. Small people do it all the time, but the truly great make you believe that you, too, can achieve greatness.