Have you ever felt like you faked it to your current job? Do you get gripped with fear each time you start new research? Do you think that you do not deserve the compliments and praise you receive for your research? Have you been scared in a meeting to speak up, afraid that people will discover the real truth about you? Do you feel the need for your work to being 100% perfect all the time? Do you blame yourself when things go the other way, even when it wasn’t your fault?

I don’t remember when was the last time I didn’t have imposter syndrome. It started with being unsure about my opinions on a given design/product discussion. I would often refrain from jumping in and contributing to a meeting, thinking others would find my contributions foolish. The feeling then slowly started creeping into the way I presented my research. I would talk myself down internally whenever I fumbled or did not articulate a finding properly. The progression was slow, but it did not stop there. I finally realised that I had imposter syndrome when I started questioning my research plans, feeling unsure about the decisions that I had taken.

When I stopped to think about why am I feeling this way? It did not make sense! I am a researcher with ‘X’ years of experience, doing well at my workplace, and I’m still getting these thoughts? So I dwelled deeper and started questioning myself.

Do I really not know what I am doing?
Have I always felt this way?
Am I the only one feeling this way?

The more I thought, the more I wanted to know more. I had heard about imposter syndrome, but I had never thought that I would experience it. So one fine day, I decided to do the thing that I do best, research. Imposter Syndrome (IP) was coined in 1978 by Psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes and is described as an “internal experience of intellectual phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable, or creative despite evidence of high achievement.” IP can vary from person to person where it may range from mild to severe and transient to not so transient.

The more I read about it, the more I found out that it’s not uncommon. The thing about imposter syndrome is many have got it, but no one talks about it. There is a lot of secrecy around imposter syndrome. Many, including me, fear being found out, which results in an urgency to hide the ugly truth. There is also the fear of people disapproving over accepting the syndrome. As a result, many end up suffering in silence and alone.

Understanding which kind of imposter syndrome

There are five kinds of personality traits that trigger imposter syndrome. It helped me understand which type/types I am and some of the triggers that may evoke the feeling. It is possible that you might identify yourself to more than one personalities.

• The perfectionist has incredibility high expectations of themselves and might crumble if the slightest mistake is made.
• The natural genius is used to getting things done seamlessly and is now struggling to overcome a hurdle. He/she is now harbouring self-doubt and shame.
• The soloist dislikes asking others for help because if they do, they’re not a true expert.
• The super person puts in hours of work with little time off and has to succeed in every avenue of their life to prove themselves to the world.
• The expert pursues continuous training and certification because they never truly feel qualified.