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HUMOR

Chances are, you’ve seen countless YouTube videos about the importance of a good morning routine. Content creators will tell you to wake up at 5am and write in a journal. But what they don’t tell you is that all of their ideas were inspired by me.

If you look up productivity in the dictionary, you’ll see my face. I’m a walking, talking, efficiency machine. Nobody in the entire world is more productive than me. But if you adopt the following habits, you might be able to get a few more things done each day:

Wake Up And Breathe Some Polluted Air

There’s nothing more beautiful than inhaling some freshly made air pollution at 5 o’clock in the morning. It’s an activity I like to do for at least 10 minutes as it’s nice to remember that I can afford to live downtown in an expensive city.

I listen to the sounds of fire trucks and police cars. For some people, it might be stressful. But I find it incredibly relaxing. After all, I get to live in a luxury penthouse while everyone else is stuck in the suburbs.

Run A Marathon (26.2 Miles)

Some people like to go for a short morning run to improve their fitness. But for me, that’s not good enough. I have to set an example. If I’m not better than everyone else, someone could take my spot as the king of productivity. That would be a shame.

I run 26.2 miles every morning around the city of Vancouver. It’s pretty refreshing as I like to stop at McDonald’s for a strawberry milkshake along the way. Some people might say that’s a terrible idea. But I just see it as motivation for burning extra calories. It’s what inspires me to keep going.

I’ll also finish a new audiobook every morning. I listen at 5x speed to ensure that I can finish a 10-hour book in less than two hours. And even though the listening speed is often way too fast to comprehend, I don’t tell anyone. The bragging rights of saying I can do that is a massive ego boost.

Get Some Work Done

My coffee machine automatically makes an extra-large coffee at 7.45am. It’s one of my secrets to staying energized all day. More caffeine = more energy. And of course, if I have more energy to be productive, I can accomplish a lot more than everyone else.

I turn on my MacBook, grab a protein bar, and proceed to tick items off my to-do list. Then, I catch up on some emails, journal about creativity, and write an article about how amazing my life is right now. In case you hadn’t already noticed, it’s pretty damn brilliant.

The above habits enable me to stay highly efficient throughout the entire day. I’m the guy who inspires people around the world to make videos on productivity and become their best selves.

If you want to be like me, steal the above habits for your own life. Because once you implement them, your life will never be the same.

Disclaimer: This article is humorous, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. Information will be inaccurate. Therefore, it should not be considered financial or legal advice.