My husband and I were friends for six months before he asked me out. Not because he’s shy. He wasn’t interested.

Though he considered me pretty, he wasn’t yet drawn to me on a personal level. It wasn’t until I decided to be myself, share my quirks, and open up about my dreams and fears that something clicked. Since we worked at a business consultancy firm, I’d never mentioned my passion for writing before.

A business consultant who creates fantasy worlds? Weird.

My husband loved it. From the moment I started sharing my passion for writing and other interests, something changed. Less than two weeks later, he asked me out. Less than four years later, we got married.

So, is writing a man-attractor?

I used to believe the answer was yes, but a recent YouTube video entitled “70 Men Ages 5–75: What’s the Most Attractive Quality in a Partner?” changed my perspective. In it, men from different backgrounds share what makes a long-term partner irresistible. They repeat five traits over and over.

Writing in itself isn’t attractive. The qualities it showed my husband are what made me irresistible to him.

Here are the five most attractive qualities in a long-term partner according to 70 men. Surprisingly, what they want doesn’t change much with time.

The Most Beautiful Quality: Kindness

“Someone that can see you in your low points and your high points and love you just the same.”— 57-year-old’s opinion.

I have a friend who says, “kindness is sexy.” As it turns out, she’s right. Being compassionate and caring makes you more attractive as a long-term partner. Moreover, it makes the world a better place. That’s why I crowned it as the most beautiful quality.

But there’s more. In Yale’s course, The Science of Well-Being, they explain that kindness is one of the easiest ways to boost our happiness. By making it a habit to smile at strangers, donate to charity, or help out your partner when he needs you the most, you’ll be more attractive and happier, a win-win.

The Most Obvious Quality: A Compatible Sense of Humor

“Someone who gets your quirks and your odd sense of humor when no one else does.” — 20-year-old’s opinion.

We all want someone who makes us laugh, someone who makes even the dullest days brighter. If you feel like you don’t have a good sense of humor, it can feel like a life sentence.

Everyone who knows me says my jokes are terrible. But my husband always laughs. His are even worse. We understand one another. Though our sense of humor is considered bad, it’s perfect for us.

So don’t worry if your jokes aren’t universally understood. For the right guy, you will be hilarious.

The Hardest Quality: Confidence

“Someone who’s confident and compliments other people.” — 12-year-old’s opinion.

The twenty-first century is ironic. On one hand, we’re told we must be confident. On the other, we’re constantly bombarded with Photoshopped photos of gorgeous models, making us feel inadequate. That’s why I consider confidence the hardest quality.

We all have insecurities, so sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle to go to a bar — or a Zoom call these days — and act confidently. For this, I have two suggestions.

The first comes from the YouTube video’s 12-year-old: Compliment other people. Take the focus out of yourself. Besides, you might get a nice word in return.

The second is related to writing. As I shared what I loved about creating fantasy worlds with my husband, I discovered that there was no room for insecurity. When we talk about something we’re passionate about, we automatically seem incredibly confident — and attractive.

The Weirdest Quality: The Eyes

“The eyes. They say a lot about someone if you know how to read them.”— 65-year-old’s opinion.

The only physical trait the YouTube men mentioned was the eyes. Is it the color? The shape? The size? It wasn’t until I heard the 65-year-old’s opinion that I understood what it meant.

As a popular biblical phrase claims, the eyes are the window to the soul. They tell us a lot about what someone is thinking and feeling. The eyes show whether someone is authentic or not, another of the most attractive qualities.

The Queen of All Qualities: Honesty

“Being authentic and kind of just being who you are.” — 42-year-old’s opinion.

“My wife is always there for me.” — 55-year-old’s opinion

The most repeated quality was honesty, which includes three things: telling the truth, being authentic, and “walking the talk.” This was especially true the older the YouTube men were. That’s why I call it the queen of all qualities.

Being trustworthy, doing what you say you will do, being who you say you are, is the most attractive quality for a long-term partner. Perhaps that’s why dating rules like “playing hard to get” often backfire. They’re the opposite of honesty.

In fact, when I started dating my husband, I broke countless “dating rules”. But I showed my passion for writing. I was authentic.

Many of us invest lots of money in skincare products, makeup, and clothes. Many of us work our butts off, trying to be slimmer, or browse through countless magazines, checking what’s trendy.

All to impress our dates.

Many of us believe being “attractive” is something physical. Our looks determine whether the guy we like asks us out. But the YouTube video was a powerful reminder that nothing could be further from the truth.

We all just want someone whose eyes show authenticity, someone who isn’t afraid to be who they are, someone who understands their jokes (even if they’re terrible). We all just want someone caring and compassionate, someone who will have their back. Someone who isn’t afraid to tell the truth.

In simple — and cliché — words, be yourself.