You Suck At Cooking

Christmas cookies, sugar cookies, and cookies have one thing in common: you can find them all on planet earth, which is the fifth largest planet in our solar system.

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½ pound softened butter 1 cup of sugar cream them together with your gyrowangucopterlator

Then add: 1 jangled egg 3 tablespoons milk 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract then rejangle with your handheld copterwangler

In another bowl sift together: 3 cups all purpose flour ¾ teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon salt

then dump the baking snow onto your butter cloud and recopterize with your dough typhoon but feel free to fold it together with your spatulator first to avoid a dust storm

At this point you should have dough but if you doughn't then add another tablespoon of milk until you have dough (and if you have goo try adding some more wheat dust)

lay the dough down to sleep on plastic wrap (one folded sheet) then throw it in the temperature reducer for an hour or two

then remove it from the heat remover and if it's really cold let it warm up a bit, otherwise start pressing and rolling it out until it's ¼ inch thick unless your'e not making cookies

then just do your thing, you know, making shapes and whatnot and bake them for 12 minutes on 350

If you want to make icing take 1 cup of powdered sugar and add a couple teaspoons of corn syrup and a couple teaspoons of water...you can add more corn syrup and less water or just keep adding corn syrup, it's really up to you. I did one where all I added was maple syrup and that was interesting although you can barely taste the maple over the powdered sugar, but what I learned from this is holy cow does corn syrup ever taste good. As an adult I've been in this mentality that corn syrup is the worst and why would you ever eat that and I tasted it for the first time in years and it was like eating caramel for the first time. I think I chugged that stuff when I was a kid and wanted candy because it's liquid candy. Anyway, what I'm saying is I recommend corn syrup. Even though it comes from corn, which is not recommended.